How to Tell if a Guy Is Interested in You

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: February 1, 2023 References Approved

So you've met this great guy, and you've maybe been flirting a little bit, how do you tell if he's actually interested? While these signs are not an exact science, it's pretty likely if he's exhibiting more than a couple of these actions and signals that he's interested in you. So pay attention, he'll probably give you some good subconscious clues to how he's feeling.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Reading Body Language

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Look into his eyes. If he looks back and makes eye contact, there's a pretty good chance that he might be interested.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} This is also a really good flirting technique. Holding his gaze, especially if the two of you are talking, will create a connection between you two pretty quickly.^{[2]
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- If a lot of times you look up, and he's looking at you, that's a good sign. It means that he likes looking at you, but he might be too shy to make his interest known or to approach you!
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Notice if he leans towards you. Subconsciously, people want to be close to a person that they're interested in. If he's leaning towards you it means that he's comfortable with you and that he wants to be near you. These are very good indicators of his interest.^{[3]
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- If he moves to get closer to you, this is also a good sign. For example: if the two of you are walking together and his arm keeps brushing up against yours.
- This can be a subtle, mostly subconscious movement, or it can be much less subtle. You can use a bit of moving closer of your own to flirt with him. For example, you might walk around a puddle on his side of the puddle so that you get closer to him.
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3
See if his body language mirrors yours. People tend to subconsciously mirror the body language of people that they like. If he's mirroring movements and postures that you're making that's a good sign that his subconscious is paying attention to you.
- For example: he takes a sip of his drink a few moments after you do. Or he rests his arms on the table when you do.
- You can use this to flirt with him, as well. Mirror some of his movements. If he crosses his legs, cross yours. When he takes a sip of his drink, wait a few moments and then take a sip of yours.
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Pay attention if he touches you. Touch is a great indicator of interest.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Unless the two of you have been friends for a while and he's completely comfortable with you, it's unlikely that he's going to touch you a lot.
- Some ambiguous touching might be: hands brushing when you're walking together (could be on purpose, could be accidental), patting you on the back (this seems more a friends type touch), anything "guy-ish" (like fist-bumps, high fives, and the like).
- Touches that are more likely to designate interest: he puts his hand or arm on the small of your back to guide you, when he hugs you the hug lingers (he may brush his hand down your back or along your side), he puts his arm around you.
- You can use touch to flirt back with him. Put your hand on his arm when you're talking to him. Nudge him when you say something funny (and grin at him).

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Gauging His Actions

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See if he stays by your side. If a guy is interested in you, even if he's ignoring you, he's going to want to be around you. You'll notice that every time you turn around, it seems he's somewhere nearby. Again, even if he's ignoring you, if he's interested he's going to make sure to ignore you nearby.
- If he remembers what you tell him, that is one of the best signs. That means that not only was he listening to what you were saying, that he cared enough to remember it. If he's only in it for sex or for his own ego, he might pretend like he's listening, but he probably won't actually be listening.
- Make sure that you listen to him as well. He'll love that you're interested in him and that you remember what he says to you. It'll show that you think he's important.
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Look for signs that he's nervous around you. A lot of times if a guy's into you he's going to be a bit nervous around you. This is because he wants to make a good impression on you, so he's going to be trying to act cool.
- Look for things like unexplained laughter, sweaty palms, or fidgeting but if he's keeping you in the friend zone, then don't bother with him. He might have a little difficulty maintaining eye contact with you without becoming a little uncomfortable.
- Do your best to make him comfortable. Tell him about that time you spilled a drink all over yourself at your work party, or something to make you seem human and not inhumanly awesome.
3
Notice if he does nice things for you. If a guy likes you he's going to want to impress you and he's going to want to be there for you. If a guy is doing nice things for you he's probably a little bit interested in you, especially if those things are coupled with some of the other signs.^{[5]
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- He might do something like lend you his jacket when you're cold, or he might offer to buy your coffee drink even though you aren't dating, or he might offer to drive you to the airport when you have to catch a flight.
- Do nice things back to him. This way he'll see that you are someone who doesn't take other people for granted and that you notice and appreciate what it is that he's doing. If you aren't interested in him try not to take advantage of his interest in you.
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Listen for compliments. A guy who likes you is going to want to, subtly or unsubtly, tell you how much he appreciates you. Hopefully this will extend beyond simply compliments about your appearance, but those can be nice, too.^{[6]
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- He might compliment you on a new haircut (which means that he's been paying attention), or tell you that you're doing an awesome job on that project for school.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Telling If he Isn’t Interested

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Notice if he doesn't listen to you. As said above, if a guy likes you (really likes you) he's going to want to know about you. That means that he's going to listen and remember when you talk. If he isn't listening, it's a pretty good bet that he's not interested. You can do better!
- He's also unlikely to ask you any questions about yourself. This is a guy you definitely want to stay away from. Either he's not interested, or he is interested, but he's too self-centred to really see you as a fully fledged person who's interesting in their own right.
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Watch to see if he doesn’t make eye contact. While some guys can be nervous about making eye contact with a person they're interested in, at some point they usually do so. If he's looking at the room instead of you, especially if he doesn't seem to be listening to you, then he's definitely not interested.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- A big warning sign for someone like this is if he's too busy checking his phone to listen to you. It means that he's more interested in other people than he is in you.
3
Pay attention to his body language. His body language can tell you a bit about how he's feeling, whether he's interested or not interested. If he isn't interested his body language should make that pretty clear.
- He never tries to get closer to you, or touch you, even subtly. If he doesn't do particularly nice things for you, or anything for you, this could be a sign that he's not interested.
- Again, even if a guy is shy or dealing with his interest by ignoring you, he's still going to want to be around you. If the guy is never around, well, that's a sign he's not interested.
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He doesn’t return your call within 24 hours. With a very, very few exceptions, a guy will get in touch with a girl he's interested in. He will. A text message takes five seconds to write and send, even if it's just an "I'm busy at work. I'll text you later." A guy who is interested in you won't leave you hanging, especially if he wants you so bad.^{[8]
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See if he avoids meeting your friends. If the guy always manages to wriggle out of meeting your friends he's probably not that interested in you. Yeah, you don't want to introduce him to all the friends right off the bat, but if it's been a while and he's still the mystery man to your friends? He's not that interested.
- This is also true if he avoids introducing you to his friends. It shows that he's not very serious about you, because otherwise he'd be dying to show you off to his buddies.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I tell if a guy I'm dating isn't interested anymore?

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Patti Novak Williams is a Professional Matchmaker in Las Vegas, Nevada. With over 20 years of experience, Patti specializes in working with clients one on one to help them find love. She has helped match hundreds of couples, engagements, and marriages. Patti was the star of the critically acclaimed A&E series “Confessions of a Matchmaker.” She has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, the New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, TODAY with Hoda and Kathy Lee, The Rachael Ray Show, CBS’ The Early Show, CNN, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, The Nate Berkus Show, and Fox’s The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet. Patti published a book in 2008 with Random House titled “Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love.”

Patti Novak Williams

Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If he stops calling you and you haven't heard from him in over a week, that's a sign he's not interested. In that case, he's not worth it. You dodged a bullet. He's probably not a very good person if he does that.

Warnings

Definitely keep in mind that this isn't an exact science. Every guy is different and while there can be similar ways of acting, it isn't always going to apply.

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If it feels like he is using you to boost his popularity, then don't hang out with him. This is a big no no, and in some cases can lead to a broken heart.

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If he's treating you like "one of the guys," then chances are he isn't interested in you in a romantic sense.

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