How to Tell When a Guy is No Longer Interested in You

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

When a guy who was once very attentive and affectionate suddenly backs off and creates distance between the two of you, it is only natural to wonder why. There are a lot of theories out there on how to tell if a guy is losing interest in you, but we’ve tracked down the best one. First and foremost, look out for major shifts in communication between the two of you. Once you’ve identified some communication changes, assess his actions, and then start addressing the issue by talking to him, seeking advice from others, and focusing on yourself.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Looking for Changes in Communication

1
Look for reduced communication. This can be one of the first signs that a guy is losing interest. Usually, you can safely assume that a guy will contact you if they want to talk to you. When a guy that usually calls and texts you frequently stops doing so, you should take note.
- More isolation and less verbal contact can be a sign of declining interest. But, it might also signal changes in his personal life – maybe he’s very busy or has issues to deal with at home.
- It’s always best to reach out and ask directly rather than just assume he’s lost interest.
2
Watch out for shorter conversations. This goes hand in hand with reduced communication. If you start to notice that when you do talk, it’s only for very short periods of time you should be aware of that.
- For example, if you go from talking on the phone for hours at a time to only speaking for ten minutes at a time, this can be a sign that he’s losing interest. He may try to shorten your conversations by ignoring your texts or calls for long periods of time before returning them, or saying that he has to stop talking but doesn't offer a clear reason why.
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3
Notice when his tone of voice towards you changes. This is a strong tell that he's not interested anymore. Many men will speak to people that they’re interested in with a softer and more flirtatious tone than they would use with others. When his feelings change, his tone of voice becomes less affectionate and starts to sound like his normal tone.^{[1]
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- He may even speak unkindly towards you, or say unfriendly things. This is a clear sign that he is not interested in you. You do not deserve to be around someone who treats you poorly or says harsh or unfriendly things to you. If he ever starts to say disparaging things about your looks, the things you do, or how you act, you should end the conversation immediately.
4
Listen to what he says. When you two are talking, does he ask you about meaningful things in your life or does he focus on himself? A guy that is interested in you will try to have deeper conversations and try to get to know the real you. When he speaks, notice when he tries to keep the conversation superficial or tries to cut it short.^{[2]
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- He may be trying to subtly hint to you whether he is interested or not. You should pay close attention to the things that he saying, as well as the way that he is saying things to you.
- Does he joke with you as much? A lack of humor might mean he’s feeling low – maybe depressed – or just a loss of interest in general.
- Also note whether he talks about trivial things or goes into deeper subjects. Avoiding topics of substance or talking about his feelings may mean he’s not interested.
- If he starts to talk about his relationships with other people, especially in a romantic way, he is letting you know that he sees you only as a friend.
EXPERT TIP

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert

Trust your instincts. If it feels like there's something off, more often than not, there is. Look for signs like the other person not texting you as often as they did early in the courtship, disappearing for longer periods of time, or not putting as much effort into your dates. Those could be signs he's thinking about ghosting you, so just keep your guard up.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Watching for Changes in His Actions

1
Notice when he breaks plans. When he consistently breaks plans that you two had made without rescheduling, you should take this as a sign that he doesn’t want to hang out. He may also stop asking you to hang out, which is a major red flag.
- If you notice that you are the only one suggesting things to do and making plans, you should hold back and see if he will start to try to make plans. He will make plans and try to hang out with you if he’s still interested.
- He may offer generic excuses to break plans, like that he has other things to do, without offering you specifics. You should be aware if he never gives you a clear answer about why he can’t hang out. He may try to be evasive about breaking plans. He could say things like, "I have plans with someone else" or "I can't make it tonight" without offering a clear reason why he is breaking plans.
2
Watch his behavior with others. You may be having trouble distinguishing whether he’s treating you differently or if he treats you the same way that he treats his friends. Watch how he interacts with people you know are his platonic friends and ask yourself whether he treats you in the same way.^{[3]
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- If he is treating you like he would any other friend, he is probably just being friendly to you and is not interested romantically. If he’s interested in you, he’ll treat you differently than he does his friends.
- Some men have more flirtatious personalities, while others reserve their flirting for people that they do care about, so try to differentiate whether he is the former or the latter.
3
Look at his body language. Body language offers clues about how someone is feeling. When someone is disinterested in or uncomfortable in a situation, they will try to subtly move away from you and avoid physical interactions. Look out for body language cues that signal that he is uncomfortable or disinterested in your interactions.^{[4]
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- He may try to move away from you, cross his arms in front of him, or turn away from you while you are talking. He may also try to avoid physical contact, like a hug or you touching his arm, he is not interested.
- If his eye contact is short and he breaks eye contact during conversations consistently, he may not be interested in what you’re saying. ^{[5]
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  Research source} However, some men are shy – this might just signal nervousness or shyness and not a lack of interest.
- Some body language cues that he is disinterested are: pointing his feet and body away from you, rubbing his neck, crossing his arms, looking at the floor, or angling his body away from yours.^{[6]
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4
Notice if he stops all physical contact. Touch builds attraction and emphasizes physical closeness in any relationship. Look for any changes in the frequency of your physical contact and in the type of contact that you have together.^{[7]
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- For example, the two of you may normally hug whenever you see each other. If he is no longer interested in you, he may stop hugging you, or move away whenever you try to hug him.
- Even if you two do still have physical contact, the type of contact can change when he loses interest. He may tap you on the arm instead of hugging you, which is a non-romantic gesture that most men use with friends.
5
See whether he pays attention. When guys are interested in someone, they will make an effort to remember important things about that person like their interests, their schedule, or facts about them. Guys will stop paying attention and remembering these things when they aren’t interested anymore.^{[8]
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- For example, if he forgets your birthday even after you’ve been talking about it for a few weeks, he probably isn’t interested anymore.
- If he consistently forgets things that you tell him, like that you have an interview coming up or that your family is coming in to town, he may no longer be interested in the things that are important in your life.^{[9]
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- He might also stop making surprising and meaningful gestures as he did in the past, such as surprising you with flowers or a random gift.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Addressing the Issue

1
Let him contact you first. If you’ve started to notice that he isn’t communicating with you as much as he once was, you should take a step back from reaching out to him. When you’re the only one who texts, calls, or tries to make plans without any reciprocity, it’s clear that he isn’t interested in seeing you.^{[10]
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- Try this for a week to see whether he begins to change. Do not contact him first and see whether he initiates conversations with you. He will either notice that the conversations have stopped and reach out, or he will not reach out and that will tell you that he isn’t interested.
2
Ask for advice. You may have mutual friends with the guy that you like. If you are able to, ask his friends if they know if he is interested in anyone or whether he is still interested in you.
- Vice versa, notice if he asks you for advice about his romantic relationships with other people. This is a clear sign that he is interested in someone else and that he sees you only as a friend. If he starts to ask things like, "How can I get this girl to notice me?" or "What kind of date should I plan for her?" it's clear that he has no interest in you romantically.
3
Ask him. This is the single best way to know whether he is interested in you still. Speculation about his communication, his behavior, or his attitude can help you gain a good idea about how he is feeling, but you never know until you have a conversation with him.
- This can be scary and nerve wracking. No one wants to feel rejected and this is a vulnerable position to put yourself in. However, you may be reading his signals incorrectly or you may be missing signals that he thinks are clear.^{[11]
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- You can broach the subject indirectly or directly. You can ask him, “Are you still interested in hanging out together, or would you rather just be friends?” This gets to the heart of the issue and gives him the opportunity to share what he is feeling.
4
Take care of yourself. This is very important since losing a guy that you’re interested in can be an emotional time. Whether this guy who has lost interest is your boyfriend, a crush, or an ex you need to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.^{[12]
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- Do things that make you happy. You can hang out with friends, cook your favorite meal, go for a walk outside, paint a picture, or watch a new movie.
5
Keep your dignity. Accept that he may not be interested you anymore with dignity and grace. Keep your distance from him and try not to vent your frustrations or anger to mutual friends.^{[13]
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- It’s natural to grieve the loss of this relationship and your idea of what your future might be together. After you’re done grieving, move on from the situation by focusing on the other positive parts of your life.
- Keep the big picture in mind. It is hard for you, for sure, but there are many wonderful guys out there looking for relationships.

Expert Q&A

Question

My partner often plays "jokes" on me, calls me names like fat pig, and other things. What should I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

You should confront him about how those comments hurt you and say that you will not tolerate them. If he continues, then it's probably time to find a new relationship as it's unlikely he respects you and a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Question

The guy I fell in love with likes me, but now I don't know if he just wants me for sex or wants the sex because he's interested in me. What do I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Consider what commonalities you both have besides sex. If your relationship is mainly focused on sex, then it does not appear well-rounded and you should try to hold off on the sex and see how he responds. A normal relationship is based on much more than just sex.
Question

I feel like we're drifting apart, but I'm scared that it's just me being overdramatic.

Community Answer

You need to listen to your instincts. If you feel that you might be overreacting, you should try to step back from the situation and ask for advice from others. Be honest with him about how you are feeling and make an effort to spend time connecting with him.

Warnings

Don't ever overthink the “could haves”. What could have been didn't happen, so concentrate on what is here now and what is to come.

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Try not to be bitter. Resentment holds you back and doesn't change what has happened.

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