How to Tell if a Tomboy Likes You

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: November 7, 2022 Approved

Sometimes if a girl behaves in more stereotypically masculine ways, we call her a “tomboy.” She might be the type of girl who prefers the company of boys, or she might just be really athletic. Especially if she’s already your friend, it can be tough to tell if a tomboy has a crush on you. Look out for telltale signs of a crush to find out!

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Observing a Tomboy’s Behavior to See if She Likes You

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Notice the amount of alone time she seeks out with you. In particular, see if there’s a change. If you two used to hang out all the time alone, and she’s suddenly reluctant to do that, it’s possible that she has a crush on you and is feeling nervous about it. On the other hand, if you usually only hang out in a group, and she starts seeking out time alone with you, she may have a crush on you.
- A tomboy may be more willing to make it clear that she is seeking out more time with you than other girls would. Boys are often pressured to ask directly for what they want instead of being coy. It’s likely that she’s modeling her behavior on more masculine flirting, so she may be more direct.
2
Watch for eye contact. This one is a little tricky because good eye contact could also just mean good social skills. If you observe that she’s making eye contact a little longer than what seems normal, that’s a good sign that she’s into you. Alternatively, if you notice that she’s refusing to meet your gaze (especially if this is different from before), this may be a sign that she’s feeling shy about looking at you because she likes you.^{[1]
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3
Pay attention to her reaction to your interactions with others. Particularly if it seems like you’re flirting with someone else, does she look put off or angry? Does she tend to avoid you or act aggressively after she sees you do this?
- Especially if you have a crush on her too, don’t flirt with other people just to make her jealous. This is confusing (and mean) both to her and the person you’re flirting with. Just interact normally and see if a normal interaction makes her appear jealous.
4
Pay attention to the way she touches you. Is she “accidentally” touching you a lot? For example, does she bump into you with her elbow at the lunch table when there’s plenty of room to avoid you? Do her fingers brush against yours when she hands you a pencil? If so, there’s a good chance she’s “accidentally” touching you on purpose because she likes you.
- Touch is often key in tomboy flirting style because masculine flirting tends to include more touching than feminine flirting.
- Does she hit you more than usual? Unfortunately, one way that boys are socialized to show affection is through pushing, wrestling and punching. A tomboy or girl who emulates more masculine behavior might do the same thing if she has a crush on you.
- If this is the case and it makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay to discourage this behavior or tell an adult if you think it’s gotten out of hand.^{[2]
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5
Notice whether she laughs at your jokes or not. In particular, does she laugh even when your jokes aren’t even that funny, or when other people don’t seem to even notice you’re joking? This is a pretty good sign that she’s into you, especially if she hasn’t always laughed at your jokes or given any indication that she thinks you’re funny. ^{[3]
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Research source} This may be a sign that she is paying more careful attention to you, a telltale sign of anyone liking another person.
- In particular, pay attention to her reactions to some light teasing. Don’t hurt her feelings or be mean. Just tease her enough to let her know you’re paying attention to her, and see if this causes a bit of blushing or extra laughter.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Paying Attention to Body Language to See if a Tomboy Likes You

1
Watch for the lean in. Leaning toward someone is a sign that you’re engaged and paying attention. Particularly if the two of you are part of a larger group of people, if she leans in toward you, there’s a good chance she’s inviting further conversation with you, because she’s interested in you.
- On the other hand, she could just be having a hard time hearing what you’re saying, so look for other signs of attraction too.
2
Notice the blush. Blushing is a sign that she’s either nervous or excited, either of which can be a good indication that she likes you. In particular, if this girl has been your friend for a while, pay attention to whether she has recently started blushing when you talk.
3
Look for a head tilt. Head tilting indicates that a person is paying good attention to what you’re saying and that they’re engaged in thinking about your conversation. This action, combined with other signs of attraction, can be signals that she likes you.
- Of course, if you’re talking about something that aligns with her interests, it’s possible that she’s just engaged in the conversation and doesn’t actually have a crush on you. Are there any other signs of attraction also present?
4
Look out for preening. Does she mess with her hair a lot? Adjust her clothing? Touch her face? Some of this could be nervousness, which may be an indication that she likes you and is feeling shy. This could also indicate that she wants to be sure she looks okay in front of you. ^{[4]
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- Particularly look out for preening that seems out of character. If this girl rarely cares what her hair looks like (which may be common for tomboys) but is suddenly invested in smoothing out her ponytail all the time, that’s could be a clue that she wants to look nice for you.
5
Pay attention to her feet. Some studies have shown that if a person points their feet in your direction while you interact, they are attracted to or at least interested in you. If a person points their feet away from you, particularly in the direction of an escape route, it’s less likely that they’re attracted to you.
- One interaction won’t necessarily give you all of the information you need here. If her feet are pointed toward the end of the hall instead of toward you while you’re chatting at your lockers, it’s possible that she’s just in a hurry to get to class. Take some time and observe her feet in several interactions.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Listening for Clues that a Tomboy Likes You

1
Listen to what she says. Does she ask you a lot of questions? Does she seem overly interested in what you did this weekend or what you had for breakfast? Though it’s possible that she’s just being polite, there’s a good chance that she’s just trying to keep talking to you longer because she thinks you’re cute. ^{[5]
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2
Pay attention to what her friends say. Are there lots of jokes that you two would make a cute couple? Have any of them asked you if you have a crush on her? Do they bring her name up to you a lot? It’s possible that she has confessed to some of her friends that she likes you, so listen up.
- Tomboys tend to have friends of all genders. Be sure to pay attention to each group of friends she hangs out with.
3
Listen to your gut. If this girl has been your friend for a while, you’ll probably notice when she’s acting differently all of a sudden. Ultimately, if you suspect that she has a crush on you, you’re probably right.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Taking Action to See if a Tomboy Likes You

1
Flirt a little. If she likes you, she’ll respond positively to some light flirting. Bring up an inside joke, “accidentally” touch her elbow with yours, laugh at her jokes, or just smile at her more than you usually would. If she reciprocates, she might have a crush on you.
2
Tomboys are pretty interested in sports. If you’re on a sports team together or tend to join the same pick-up basketball game after school, this is a great time to get in some low-stakes flirting.
3
Put it all in context. A single elbow bump at your lockers might not mean that she has a crush on you. But if she bumps elbows with you more than once, always angles her body toward you when you talk, laughs at even your dumbest jokes, AND seems worried about how her hair looks in front of you, then that all may add up to a crush! ^{[6]
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4
Ask. When all else fails, if you really want to know if she likes you, it’s time to ask. Try to ask her in private to mind the fact that she may get flustered if you ask her in public, which would affect whether she might actually tell the truth. This is also a good idea because you might feel embarrassed if you ask in front of others.
- Beware that asking could put a strain on your friendship if she says no. That doesn’t necessarily mean that if she rejects you, you can’t be friends anymore. It just means that you will have to work extra hard to bring things back to normal.
- Take the risk if you’re pretty sure she likes you! If you like her too, the payoff of having your friend become your girlfriend would be worth it.
5
Accept that she might just want to be your friend. Particularly if this girl has been your friend for a long time, it’s possible that her attention to you is nothing more than a sign of friendship. If you have a crush on her, if you think she might also have one on you, and if you want to pursue it, give it a shot! Just beware that things could be a bit awkward between you if it doesn’t work out.

Community Q&A

Question

How do you know if they want to come to your house or arrange a date?

Community Answer

This is a situation where you'll have to be pretty direct! Try to arrange low-key dates whenever possible. Include others (so it's a group event and there's less pressure) if you can. Or, if that's not a possibility, be sure there's something fun to keep you both engaged if conversation stalls -- take a walk in a pretty park, play cards, or go bowling, for example.
Question

I'm a girl and I have a crush on this tomboy. She acts like boy, and I need help figuring out what to do. What should I try first?

Community Answer

That all depends on whether you think she might like you too. Are there any signs that she has a crush? If so, the next step is probably to initiate some low-pressure hanging out (like in a group) to see where it goes. If you're young and concerned about entering into a same-sex relationship, this might be a good time to talk honestly to your parents (if possible) or another adult you trust (like a teacher, counselor, or older sibling).