How to Turn a Boy Into a Boyfriend

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: February 23, 2023 References

Have you found a boy that you look at and think how you’d like to spend time with him? He may be a stranger or an existing friend, but the idea is clear. You like him and want to see what happens if he likes you too. Sometimes you can win him over by telling him how you feel right away, but most of the time you’ll be a friend or even a stranger and you’ll have to work at making him return your affection. By maintaining your confidence while spending time with him, you give yourself a chance of landing him as your boyfriend.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting to Know Him

1
Clean yourself. Every morning, take a shower. Wash your hair, brush it out, and keep it styled the way you like. Put on deodorant. Even if you’re already friends with the boy you desire, poor hygiene will hurt your chances by showing him you don’t care about yourself.
- A little makeup, perfume, or cologne can help. If you choose to use these, put on just enough to accentuate your features, such as a suitable lipstick and eyeliner. Don’t let makeup appear thick or perfume smell overwhelming.
2
Dress well. When you know you’ll be around him, dress to impress. Pick out your best clothes or buy some that fit your figure. The clothes you wear should not be tight, but they should fit you well. Good clothing also helps increase your confidence, which makes you appear more desirable to him.
- Even after you start spending time with him, make yourself look presentable as much as possible. Wearing stained sweatpants is easy but it shows you aren’t trying to look good for him.
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3
Correct your posture. Practice walking around your room. Keep your head up and your back straight. Take small steps, neither too fast nor too slow. When you sit, maintain your posture, never slouching or hunching. Also, don’t cross your arms, or else you’ll appear closed off. Once you can do all of this in your room, go ahead and try to maintain good posture in public.^{[1]
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4
Speak with confidence.^{[2]
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Practice speaking out loud at home and to a mirror. Your voice should be loud and clear. Eliminate unnecessary pauses, as these will make you sound timid or uncertain. Know what you want to say and say it. If you speak too fast, slow down. Add breaths between sentences and give time for others to listen and speak. Once you feel comfortable at home, try speaking confidently to friends and strangers.^{[3]
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- Add in humor to emphasize your confidence. Don’t overdo it, but every once in awhile it’s okay to joke with the boy or someone else around you.
- Start out by speaking into a mirror, then move on to practicing this on friends, acquaintances, and strangers.
5
Start conversations. Approaching someone is difficult, but it’s even more intimidating when you’re interested romantically. Start out by asking for or offering help, commenting on a shared experience such as a school class, by complementing, or by making an observation, such as about what the person’s eating for lunch. Examples include “I found that class really difficult. What did you think of it?” or “I see you like the sandwiches here. I’m not much of a turkey type.”.^{[4]
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- As you get him to become more comfortable with you, progress the conversation. Learn more about him, such as his interests. Return the trust, but don’t go overboard.
- If you already know him, you’ll have some familiarity with him, but you’ll still need to talk and build more of a connection.
6
Find common interests.^{[5]
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} By talking to him, you should be able to find out what he likes. Now connect the two of you by finding activities you can share. If you both like bowling, for instance, you’ll be able to talk about bowling and then go bowl. Don’t think of this as a date. Instead, focus on having fun together.
- Being willing to try the things he likes is a good idea, but pretending to share his interests makes you look false and like you have less individuality.
- Go out as friends. You need to create moments that help you grow closer, which won’t happen if you come on too strong or overanalyze your interactions.
7
Be yourself. Even if hiding your personality seems to be working, it’ll hurt you in the end. At some point you’ll have to show him who you are in order to work towards a relationship. Now is the best time to reveal yourself and judge whether he will get along with you. If you like pop music, clothes, romantic comedies, and video games, for example, allow this to come out naturally. Don’t hide your true self.^{[6]
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8
Gently touch him. Physical contact is a great way to make him associate the pleasant feeling of touch with you. Choose opportune times, but let your contact appear unintentional. When talking to him, touch his hand or wrist. Stand close to him in crowds. Brush against his shoulders while passing.
- When you’re first starting out with him, keep touch brief and not too intimate. You want to build his interest and coming on strong can make your affections seem less valuable in the long run.
9
Make eye contact.^{[7]
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} At opportune times, lock onto his eyes. Eye contact is difficult since it will often make you feel vulnerable, but it is powerful. At a party, pick him out of the room and meet his eyes for at least a moment. When you’re talking or doing something fun, meet his eyes and linger for a moment.^{[8]
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- The eye contact in these moments should feel intense. If it doesn’t, that’s a sign that you still have to work at getting closer to him.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Building Attraction

1
Support him. You want to be around him, so you have to treat him like you value his company. Encourage him during difficult times. If he had a rough day, reassure him. Wish him luck for tomorrow. Support his goals. Never turn against him when someone’s fighting with him. Instead, show that you appreciate him by complimenting his positive qualities and actions.^{[9]
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- This includes focusing your attention on him. Don’t get distracted by the attention from other boys.
2
Build a deeper trust. A relationship can’t operate without trust. Over time, show him that he can open up to you about whatever he thinks or feels. Listen to him without judgment and don’t gossip with your friends. The gossip, even if it doesn’t come back to you, will make him reluctant to tell you anything and will stop you from bonding.^{[10]
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- To build this trust, you’ll also have to share your own life when appropriate. Confide your fears, hopes, and problems.
3
Monitor body language. Look at the signs and adjust your approach. If he’s interested in you, he’ll want to be around you and make excuses to be close. He’ll lean towards you, keep his legs and arms uncrossed, his hands unclenched, and have his toes pointed at you. He may also make extended eye contact or look down bashfully.^{[11]
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- These are only signs, so they don’t guarantee he likes you enough to be your boyfriend. Continue spending time with him to gauge his feelings.
- If he doesn’t do many of these signs, he still may like you. He may be good at hiding his feelings or shy.
- If his body language is negative, stop what you’re doing. Readjust your behavior by repeating steps. He may simply not be into you.
- Mirroring body language often helps.^{[12]
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  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} If he’s tilting his head while looking at you, keep your head tilted too, for instance. Just don't overdo it, and don't be too obvious. You don't want him to think you are making fun or mimicking him.
4
Compliment him. Eye contact and gentle touch are starts to more serious flirting. Start making your intentions more concrete. Come up with clever lines at opportune times that show you appreciate him and aren’t afraid to show it. For example, tell him, “You should wear that shirt, it makes you look cute” before you see him. Add in appropriate touches, such as putting a hand on his shirt as you pick up the material between your fingers.^{[13]
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- Don’t go overboard on this. Appear cool and controlled or else you run the risk of smothering him with attention.
5
Go out with your friends. You want to spend time with him, but too much time means you’re too close. You have to make him want to be with you and miss you while you’re not around. Don’t tend to his needs all the time. Put down the phone on occasion, after you let him know you’re going out, and make yourself seem socially desirable.^{[14]
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- Even in a relationship, you need to live your own life. Tend to those other aspects, such as friends, school, or work.
6
Give him his own space. It’s important that you don’t smother him either. Being needy, demanding all his attention is a sure way to extinguish any feelings he’s developing. Keep your own distance from time to time. The absence can make him realize how much he needs you, even if the space you gave him came from something like sleeping in and missing his texts for a few hours.^{[15]
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Offer privacy. It’ll be tempting for you to stalk his social media or go through his phone when he leaves it near you. Doing this makes you look controlling. It shows that you have no trust in him, so you feel justified to invade his personal space and spy on him. Don’t question him about every little detail that comes from him interacting with other people.
- Invading his privacy this way also makes you look insecure, which will undermine his desire to be in a relationship with you.
8
Don't play hard to get. You may think that responding to his text immediately or answering the phone right away when he calls will make you seem desperate, but also keep in mind that it's rude to keep people waiting for hours. It is one thing if you weren't home or didn't see the text for some reason. Playing hard to get often annoys guys and may even make him think you aren't interested.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Starting the Relationship

1
Drop hints about your intentions. Good hints start moving you beyond the friendship stage. These can be as simple as noticing what he’s wearing or complimenting his personality. Saying, “You look cute today” suggests you have enough interest to notice him while easing him towards an escalation in your relationship.^{[16]
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- Avoid coming on too strong. Allow him feel that you’re a valuable catch he has earned.
- Judge his reaction. A compliment can encourage him, especially if he’s keeping his interest a secret. If he shows no reaction, go back to working on attracting him or move on.
2
Reduce your expectations. Once your relationship starts to escalate, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the moment. You want him to be around you, so you demand more of him while exaggerating his qualities. Keep calm and stick to the plan of spending some time tending to the other aspects of your life. Accept him for who he is if you wish to make him into a boyfriend.
- Many people think they can change their partner inside of a relationship. If you find yourself thinking this, it’s a sign that he’s not right for you.
- Keep his expectations of you in line, too. Don’t be high-maintenance.
3
Make a move. If he hasn’t already made a move, you can push the issue a little. One option is to ease him into it by asking what he would do if you were his significant other. When you’re ready to take the risk, be up front with him. Choose a quiet, intimate moment. Either come out and say it or ease him into it by starting off saying, “So I’ve been thinking…” Explain to him you want a relationship and ask him what he thinks.^{[17]
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- If he doesn’t come right out and commit, chances are his feelings aren’t strong enough.
- Giving him a little space after you ask can help if he’s shy or hesitant.
4
Move on if he’s not interested. Sometimes he’s not right for you. It can hurt to put in this effort and find out he doesn’t share your feelings. Walk away. Don’t maintain hope, or else you’ll hurt yourself by waiting for him. Also, don’t try to force him to be with you. This only makes it less likely he’ll have feelings for you. Go on and live your life. There are plenty of boys, and maybe someday you’ll even run into this one at a better time.
- Remember that a good relationship is one that works for both of you. He may not be a good fit.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I make a guy want to be in a relationship?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You can try flirting with him to let him know that you're interested. Lock eyes with each other and smile to attract him to you. Then have conversations about your interests so you can learn more about him.
Question

How do you truly know if he likes you?

Community Answer

It'll be in the way he acts and his body language. He'll want to be around you a lot, even making weak excuses to do so. He won't talk to you about his interest in other girls if you're friends. He'll be eager to help you. His body language will be positive, such as his toes pointed towards you, making eye contact or looking away shyly, staying open, and smiling.
Question

How do you start a conversation that's interesting?

Community Answer

Starting is the easy part. You can comment on anything, such as something about his appearance, a common experience or acquaintance, or something he's doing. Use whatever you can to break the ice. Keep the conversation going by sharing, asking open-ended questions, and expressing your interest in what the other person is saying.

Warnings

Manage your expectations and give him distance. Don’t cramp his life.

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Pretending to be someone you’re not, such as pretending to share all his interests, will make you look fake and ruin your chances.

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If he isn't interested, be cool instead of obsessive or else you’ll lose any chance you have at him.

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