How to Attract an Older Boy

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan

Last Updated: May 28, 2021 References

For many younger girls, it can be hard to find a guy their age who is mature and classy enough to be worth their time. While it can be a great experience dating someone with more years on you, a potential older boyfriend will be looking for more than a guy your own age. Because you'll have years between the two of you, attracting an older boy can be tricky.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Considering Your Reasons For Dating

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Ask yourself why you want an older boyfriend. There are many reasons why you might want a relationship with a boy that's older than you. Most of the time, we see older people as more sophisticated and mature. This is most often the case, but not always. Some older boys will be just as immature as they ever were.
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Make sure you want a relationship for the right reasons.^{[1]
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Research source} A relationship should be pursued because you feel a legitimate connection with the other person. There's no point in dating an older boy because you think it will make you appear cooler. Before committing to a relationship, you should make sure you're ready for a relationship. Especially if you're looking to date someone older than you, there's that much less

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3
Consider how an age gap might affect a relationship. If two people are at different stages in their lives, it can bring up issues in communication. For instance, if you want to go out and party with your older boyfriend, he might be at a part of his life where he's had his fun and prefers a night indoors. In some cases, it can be hard to have a sense of equality in a relationship when one person has considerably more life experience than the other. Keep these potential problems in mind before you commit.
- On the other hand, some maintain that age is just a number.^{[2]
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  Research source} There's no concrete reason why people of different ages can't connect on a deep, meaningful level.
4
Prepare yourself for criticism.^{[3]
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Research source} If there is a significant age gap between you and the guy you're with, there are a number of problems you should prepare to deal with that you wouldn't normally have to think about. Even if your relationship is perfect, other people are prone to make nasty assumptions about an age gap relationship. There's only so much you can do to fend off these nay-sayers. Ultimately, its your relationship, not theirs, and you shouldn't put their feelings before your own.
- If you're under the age of 18, you should consider the legal consequences of someone who is older than you. If the age gap is big enough to make a sexual relationship illegal, you should not go through with it.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Interacting With Him

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Be his friend first. In virtually all cases of trying to make someone your boyfriend, you should be his friend first before anything romantic happens. Go out of your way to spend time with him. Ask him to hang out as you normally would with a regular friend. If there is chemistry and the two of you are emotionally available, there's a good likelihood that things will begin to take shape in time. For the meantime however, you should simply enjoy the experience of hanging out as friends.
2
Let him take the lead. Unless the older boy in question is incredibly shy, the fact that he has more life experience will probably mean that he'll be the one to instigate something. Some guys can be made to feel uncomfortable by a girl that is very forward, especially someone who is younger than them.
- If it doesn't look like he's going to make a move out of shyness, you should think about making a move yourself. This should occur if he has shown signs of interest but hasn't acted on it over the course of a few hangouts.
3
Treat him as an equal. This is where it can difficult for some girls who try to attract older guys. While your first instinct may be to be completely submissive towards the boy, this will only go to show your age. Instead, you should take age out of the equation when it comes to talking to him. If it makes you feel more comfortable, pretend he is the same age as you. Relationships usually need a sense of balance between the two people in order to succeed.
- Try to show him that you're independent and confident, and that you can be comfortable in any social situations you might find yourself in.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Erika Kaplan
  Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.}
4
Hold his gaze.^{[5]
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Research source} Eye contact is a very powerful part of body language, and it's especially important in terms of flirting. If you're attracted to a guy, you can say a lot simply by making eye contact with him and holding his gaze. Flirting covers a wide range of different behaviours, but most flirting begins with steady eye contact.
- This kind of gaze is best combined with a smile. That way, it will tell the boy that you're looking at him for good (as opposed to negative) reasons.
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Smile at him.^{[6]
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Research source} Smiling is a universal language for warm feelings and affection. If you smile at the boy you're interested in, you'll be projecting positive vibes in his direction. If he notices your smile and smiles back at you, it's a sign he is probably interested in you.
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Offer compliments. Saying something nice about someone can be interpreted as a form of flirting. Complimenting a boy based on his looks or other traits you find attractive will let him know you're interested. Make sure your compliments are genuine, however. People are usually able to tell when a compliment is sincere or not.
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Make sure he respects your boundaries. Because the boy you are interested in is older than you, it's possible he has different ideas of what he wants in a relationship with a girl. Although you may feel pressured to give in, you should only ever do what feels comfortable with you.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Developing Maturity

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Start hanging out with older people. Relating emotionally to people older than you can be hard if you're not used to spending time with you. This is why it's recommended that you try to surround yourself with people that are older than you. Make friends with people in the boy's age range and get comfortable with hanging out with people with more experience than you. This can be hard to do if you don't already have older friends. If you have older siblings, you might try tagging along with some of their hangouts.
- If you want to make older friends, you won't be able to depend on your classes. Extracurricular clubs are a place where people of different ages will get together with a common interest. If you work a job, there will likely be older co-workers you can befriend as well.
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Follow through with whatever you say you're going to do.^{[7]
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Research source} Reliability is a hallmark of any truly mature person. Regardless of the age you're trying to attract, it will work to your benefit if people are able to see that you're a girl of your word. If you make a promise, do everything you possibly can to follow through with it. Don't flake out on plans you make. When you follow through with the things you say, everything you say will have a greater sense of weight in the eyes of others. This includes any older guys you may fancy.
3
Be proud of who you are. Self-esteem is a major sign of maturity. It's natural for young boys and girls to feel a lot of insecurity as they grow up. If you want to catch the attention of an older boy, you 're going to need to match the sort of self-assurance that is common with his age range. Challenge any negative thoughts that enter your mind, and replace them with positive thoughts about yourself. Even if you have to fake it until you make it at first, you'll eventually start to believe it sincerely.
- Remember that there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to self-esteem. There's no objectively wrong reason to have confidence in yourself.
4
Keep a journal.^{[8]
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Research source} Keeping track of your daily thoughts and feelings in a journal is a great path to self-discovery. You might be surprised how much you'll find out about yourself if you make a regular habit of keeping a diary. Buy any book of lined paper, or keep a Word file on your computer where you can add thoughts at the end of each day. If you become aware of the things you're thinking and feeling on a daily basis, you'll get a stronger grasp of the way other people see you.
5
Get past jealousy. Much like a healthy sense of self-confidence, getting past feeling jealous of other people is an important indicator that someone has matured. Most teenage girls tend to be very jealous at that stage in their lives. If you want to stand out from others your age, you'll need to let go of your jealousies towards other people. This is easier said than done for many people, but it is possible. Anytime you are beginning to feel jealous towards someone, remind yourself that there is no one who can do you better than you. Comparing yourself to anyone else is a waste of time.
6
Avoid social cliques and drama. Even if you're trying to become mature beyond your years, your current circle of friends might make it difficult to break free. Less mature groups of friends will often fall into spurts of drama or gossip. The best thing for you to do is to avoid this stuff entirely. It doesn't add anything constructive to your life, and you won't be made to look good if you're associated with that crowd.
- This does not mean abandoning your friends. Rather, you should spend time with them, but take a step back if bickering starts. Of course, if a friend of yours is hurt and wants to talk it through with you, you should do so. Being mature can also mean being a reliable friend.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Looking Your Best

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Try a new hairstyle. Nothing can make people look at your twice than a new hairstyle. Getting your hair cut or permed will have a major effect on your appearance. You should use this opportunity to spruce up your look and turn some heads. If you're trying to appeal to older groups, you are going to want to steer away from fashion trends that are reserved for juveniles. Aim to make your hair attractive but classy.
- It's a good idea to pick a hairstyle that suits your face shape. Ask your hairdresser if you have any confusion.^{[9]
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  Research source}
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Dress to suit his age range's fashion sense. Depending on your age, there may be things you wear that might seem juvenile in the eyes of someone older. While you should always ultimately find your own sense of fashion, impressing an older guy can be easier if you look at the fashion expectations for his age group.
- If the age gap is big enough, don't wear the boy's age range's fashion if it will look weird on somebody your age.
- It helps to take a look at some current fashion outlets. This will give you some insight into the latest trends.
3
Keep your makeup light. If you're young girl, don't try to compensate for your age by using a lot of makeup. Doing so only brings more attention to how young you are. In addition, it also gets the impression across that you are insecure with the way you look. You'll have a much higher chance of getting a guy interested if you stay as true to your real sense as possible. Some makeup to highlight your natural features should be more than enough.
- It's a fact that younger girls aren't often as skilled at makeup as they will be once they're older. With that in mind, it's good to start small and work your way up from there.
4
Keep your posture confident.^{[10]
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Research source} Regardless of your gender or age, posture is an important way of expressing confidence and making yourself look attractive to anyone around you. Whether you're standing up or sitting down, make an effort to keep your back straight and your shoulders even. If you're not used to having good posture, this will feel a bit strange to do at first, but it will eventually feel natural if you stick with it.
- Maturity and confidence are the two major ways you can get across the age gap, and posture is a way of expressing both of them.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do I find common ground with an older man?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

If there's a big age difference between you, it might be hard to find common ground when it comes to things like hobbies, movies, and music. However, you can still connect over shared values like religion, family, education, and careers.
Question

How do I attract someone older?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

You want to show that you're mature, independent, and confident. Also, show them that you're comfortable in the types of situations and social circles he's likely to invite you into.
Question

What if the boy ignores you?

Community Answer

Don't be saddened or ashamed if the boy you're after doesn't talk to you. Not all boys are into girls or maybe they're interested with someone else. He might also be ignoring you because it's not cool to be seen around you; perhaps try to talk to him away from his friends.

Warnings

Having an age gap in a relationship can be controversial and draw criticism from friends and family. You shouldn't let that risk stop you if this is something you really want, but it's best to be prepared just in case.

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Don't show interest in any guy but him. If you show the same affections to a wider range of boys, you'll be seen as a tease and you'll have a harder time getting people to take you seriously.

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Nothing can ever ensure a relationship between two people will ever work out or not.

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Things can be harder to pull off the older the boy is you want to attract.^{[12]
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Research source}

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