How to Be a Good Girlfriend

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: March 25, 2023 References Approved

Whether you're in a new relationship or you are approaching your five-year anniversary, there are numerous things you can do to improve your role in the relationship. To be a good girlfriend, you have to be open and honest with your partner, supportive of their wants and needs, and willing to demonstrate your love and affection for them. Keep in mind that you should also strive to maintain your own independence to enjoy a healthy relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being Loving

1
Be affectionate. There are various ways to show your affection; some are more obvious than others and the way you approach this will depend on how openly affectionate you like to be personally. Affection is close to but not the same as intimacy––affection is about openly displaying that you care about this person and can be shown any time of day or night, publicly or privately.^{[1]
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Research source} Think about how you like to show affection to people you care about, such as holding hands, touching an arm, quick kisses on the cheek, a hug, stroking hair, supportive words, mentioning how great someone is in front of other people, etc.
- Pet names like "Baby" or "Sweetheart" are a cute way to show your affection for your partner. Try not to overdo this, however. It can be a major turn-off if you call them "Mr. Cuddle-Bear", especially in public. Of all things, good communication is the vital part of any relationship, so make sure that they know how much you like them.
- Regular lovey-dovey texts and emails can be a plus, but too many will become overwhelming and you may seem clingy. These types of things do show you're into them, and you want it to last forever, but don't come on so much that you scare them!
2
Be seductive. Don't be afraid to be seductive. Most people find it irresistible when a girl is sexy, classy and confident. Confidence means being happy within your own skin; you will exude this without trying if you are accepting of yourself and feel secure about your own worth. You don't have to force yourself to be the most popular, bubbly personality if that isn't your style; rather, be the best you on show by taking good care of yourself and trusting that you're worth their attention.^{[2]
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3
Give them gifts. When you're in a relationship, it's fun to give each other small gifts. Everyone loves to get presents and giving them one shows that they mean a lot to you. Don't overdo it -- just give them a gift when you're feeling loving and want to let them know how much they mean to you. You don't want them to think you're trying to buy their affection.^{[3]
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- Make them something by hand. A paper flower, an artsy heart, something creative that reflects your personality, so that whenever they look at it, they'll think of you and smile. If you're the musical type, or play an instrument, feel free to play them a song or two (bonus points if you play a song you wrote yourself). Add a private video of your song to YouTube.
4
Don't get jealous. You should be loving, but not to the point where you start seeing red the second your partner talks to, or even just mentions, another girl. Nothing will turn your significant other off faster than a girlfriend who is so insecure that she can't stand the thought of other women existing in the universe. Your partner will appreciate you even more if you're nice to their female friends instead of talking about how ugly or annoying any girl you see is.^{[4]
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- If they're out with their friends, don't text them every two seconds to make sure they're not talking to other girls. This will only make your partner see how little you trust them.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Supportive

1
Take an interest in their interests. Remember what they like to do and what they like to talk about. You don't have to act like you love their hobbies, but at least try to understand why they're such a fan. If they love a band, try to understand why. If they just love to be playful and immature, remember that it might just be their way of releasing stress. In learning to accept their unique way of being, you'll also be learning more about yourself and ultimately whether you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person.^{[5]
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- You don't have to take an interest in all of their interests. If they enjoy watching baseball but you just can't get into it, that's fine, too.
- Just asking about their interests and talking about the things that matter to them can be enough.
2
Learn to work as a team. As in any healthy relationship, you'll experience your share of conflicts, some tiny, some big. Remember to be true to yourself and try to abandon any significant selfishness. A relationship is a matter of teamwork and a symbiotic relationship, not a parasitic one, where a party gives and the other one just takes without giving enough back. In a team, you have each other's back, you don't undermine one another and you openly cherish each other in front of others.^{[6]
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- In times of hardship, a team approach can help you to work through problems in a less emotionally attached way, in that both of you assume responsibilities for fixing things rather than expecting one or the other to fix things.
- Avoid having a "one track" relationship in which the bond revolves around one thing. Keep your relationship strong by bringing variety and diversity into the relationship. Try different and new things together. Relationships are about having fun together, learning together and growing together.
3
Compliment them more than you criticize them. If everything you say around them is a criticism or an attack, they won't look forward to seeing you and they'll start reconsidering being with you. All the same, you don't always have to agree with them just because they are your partner. Tactfulness is a better strategy in mature relationships and establishing boundaries and making compromises are important relationship strategies to learn and adopt.^{[7]
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- Though you can bring up a valid criticism when it feels right, you should say at least four positive things about them for every negative thing you say.
- Don't nag them just because you're in a bad mood or things aren't going perfectly.
4
Learn to compromise. If you want to be a good girlfriend, then you have to learn to compromise instead of fighting or being angry the second you don't get your way. To compromise well, you both have to be able to calmly and rationally discuss a situation while understanding the other person's perspective. Try to understand where your significant other is coming from instead of blindly focusing on what you think you need.^{[8]
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- You don't want to be that girl who always gets her way just because your partner would rather give in than stand their ground because you get so angry and upset whenever things don't go your way.
5
Give each other space. You should support your partner, but you should also be able to "be there" for them in spirit when you're not actually around. If you want to be a good girlfriend, then you have to make time to do your own thing, to hang out with your girlfriends, and to see your partner.^{[9]
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Research source} They should know that you're thinking of them and rooting for them even if you're not around. If you feel insecure and doubt the strength of your relationship the second you're apart, then you have a problem.
- You should support your partner if they just want to have a night out with their friends instead of trying to intrude. It's important to allow your significant other to have time to spend with their friends and hang out without you.
- If you feel entitled to all of their time and attention, learn how to not be an obsessive girlfriend. Don't be an overly protective girlfriend; let them go out without them feeling watched.
- Remember that they don't need you for everything and that you are separate people as well as a couple. When they need some space, don't take it personally–recognize it for what it is–their time to rejuvenate and to share different interests with others. But do make sure they know that you're always there for them. They need to know you will always be there.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Being Open

1
Don't be too open in the very early days. Easing into a relationship is about ensuring that there is plenty of space for the two of you to get to know one another and trust that you're right for one another. If you try too soon to "make" something more out of your relationship than it already is, premature pushiness can scare them away and spoil what is 'there' to be a good thing. Instead, be patient and realize that it takes time to nurture a solid and enduring relationship. If you want to be a good girlfriend, avoid the following things:^{[10]
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- Don't push them to classify your relationship too soon. You don't have to have the label girlfriend or boyfriend after a couple of dates; this risks causing them to feel that the decision wasn't their own. Be patient and let them make up their own mind as to when the definitions, like going steady, exclusive relationship, serious dating etc start being bandied about. If the two of you are compatible, your relationship will develop soon enough.
- Don't start talking about marriage or starting a family before you've even met their close friends and parents. Raising such issues prematurely can create tension from the outset and may stall or even bring to an end an otherwise productive and caring relationship.
- Don't feel the need to show off or impress them. You don't need to prove anything to them; you simply need to be present and engaged in listening, being attentive and sharing your interests.
2
Be honest. While being honest to your partner is very important, to the point of being paramount, it is equally important that you are honest with yourself. If you overreact or make a mistake, you can acknowledge your error and apologize. If you're feeling vulnerable or upset, you can sort through your feelings and verbalize them to them in a non-accusing way.^{[11]
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- And the most important thing here is that you will be open about your feelings as much as possible. For example, if they do or say something that bothers you, be open about how it impacts you, without being accusing or asking them to change.
- If you establish solid lines of communication from the outset, you'll know sooner rather than later whether this relationship will endure or fizzle out.
3
Speak your mind. Don't be afraid to make your desires, needs, and opinions known, even when they may conflict with your partners'. You don't and shouldn't exist solely to please them. Besides, showing that you are your own person with your own needs, desires, and approach to life will keep them interested in getting to know and understand you as a person. If you're comfortable with speaking your mind, then they'll be comfortable with speaking their mind, too.^{[12]
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- Just remember to express yourself in way that doesn't attack anyone else's opinion or lifestyle in any way––you can be humble and outspoken at the same time by using assertiveness strategies and remaining considerate of their feelings too.
4
Be yourself. Don't create a fake you just to impress them. It might be tempting if you think they'd prefer a different type of girl but usually this is just cobbling together snippets of things said or suggested and you're likely to be wrong. After all, they want to date you, not some imagined form of perfection. And if you really feel tempted to change things about yourself because they insist that you'd be better thinner, taller, prettier, quieter, whatever, then it's a good indication that you're not compatible.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- If they actually say such things to you in a badgering, persistent manner, then it is not love, but an attempt to control you.
- Don't pretend that you share their interests if you don't. It might be amusing or "safe" to do so initially but it's extremely hurtful when they learn that you don't really love what they love; they could be basing their thoughts about your role in their future on something that isn't real and it'll end up hurting both of you.

Relationship Help

Listening Tips

Sample Gift Ideas for Boyfriend

Sample Couples Vouchers

Gift Ideas

Sample Gift Ideas for Boyfriend

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you keep a new relationship strong?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Learn more about your partner by asking questions and really listening. Too often we get into conversations where we're looking for own chance to speak. However, if you can ask a variety of questions about their upbringing, likes, dislikes, wants, and needs, you can learn a lot more about them. For instance, you could ask something like "If you had unlimited money, what would you do with the rest of your life?"
Question

How do you support your partner in a relationship?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Try to be as accepting as you can. For example, many men are culturally conditioned to believe that showing sadness is a sign of weakness. If your boyfriend talks about feeling sad, you could support and accept his feelings instead of judging them.
Question

How can I be a better partner?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Take time to work on yourself and identify your own attachment style. For example, you might have a tendency to feel anxious and lean into your relationship, or be avoidant and lean away from your partner. Once you understand your attachment style, you can communicate it to your partner so they don't take your behavior personally.

Warnings

Don't be annoying. Annoying includes constant calls, getting angry when they spend time with friends, pestering them to spend more time with you, whining, complaining about other people all the time, asking for validation all the time (for example, always ending your sentences with "don't you think so?"), etc.

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Jealousy is a very dangerous emotion. Don't intentionally make them jealous. That will result in ultimately undermining trust for the long run.

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Don't compare your current partner to your past one. Nobody appreciates such comparisons, even if you're trying to make your current partner seem better. They're not peas in a pod and you're not the judge of people in relation to each other; think about how much this current relationship works for you in the now instead.

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Don't conduct secret tests on your partner to see what they'll do. It's humiliating, disrespectful and unfair. Plus, you wouldn't want them to do that to you. The same goes for coercing your partner with sex.

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Never flirt with their friends! No matter how hot they are to you, you need to assure them that they are the only person for you. If you feel the need to flirt with them, it indicates that you're not ready for settling into a monogamous relationship.

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Never lie. Don't just be honest, but be open with things as well. Don't leave things unsaid, even if it can be awkward, because this can lead to problems in your relationship down the road. There is such a thing as lying by omission––sometimes you need to say something for the sake of clearing the air where leaving it unsaid would lead them to think the wrong things.

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They will want a little space sometimes so don’t be offended if they ask for it.

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It's fine to share things with your girlfriends when talking about them, but remember to be respectful of them by not sharing things that are embarrassing, confidential or rude. (Don't kiss and tell!) You can keep your girlfriends updated on how the relationship is going, but keep them from getting involved in your relationship, unless abuse or other dangerous activities are taking place, in which case tell them everything and let them help you to leave them. But if you decide you want to share private information about the relationship, make sure they know about it and is allowed to do the same with their friends; but don't let them talk about you like an object.

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Don't look at their phone unless they make it clear that it's okay. Expect the same in reverse.

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Don't be insecure about your appearance. If they're dating you, they obviously think you're attractive.

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Know the difference between constructive criticism and criticism that simply lays waste to a person's character because you'd prefer they'd act differently from who they are.

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