How to Talk to a Guy You Like

Last Updated: December 10, 2022 References Approved

If you want a guy to notice you, one of the best ways to do so is to talk to him. Talking to your crush can be hard, however. It's intimidating to approach someone you have feelings for. Try to stay calm and strike up a conversation. Maintain the conversation for a bit, and then work on talking regularly to get to know him. When you feel ready, ask him out. Remember, you can't make someone like you so prepare for a potential rejection.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Striking Up A Conversation

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Rehearse what to say if you're nervous. It can be scary to start up a conversation with your crush. It may feel silly to you, but many people find rehearsing what to say ahead of time can help. If you're unsure how to approach your crush, stand in front of the mirror in your home and practice.^{[1]
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- Try to think of ways to start a conversation. Where do you normally see this person? If you have class together, you can practice asking him about a homework assignment or making a comment on the latest test.
- You don't have to plan what you'll say word-for-word. In fact, rehearsing too much may make your conversation sound strained. Instead, have a general idea of what you want to talk about.
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Find a conversation starter. Look for observations or comments you can make to get the conversation started. There are a variety of ways to begin a conversation. Once you're talking, you can proceed to keep things flowing, allowing you to get to know your crush.^{[2]
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- Try starting with a compliment. For example, say something like, "Hey, I love your sweater."
- You can also make an observation. For example, "What did you think of that quiz yesterday? I thought it was really tough."
- You can ask a question. For example, "Do you know when that report is due? I forgot to write it down."
- Try to approach him in comfortable situations. If he's not distracted, it will be easier to get his attention.
EXPERT TIP

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach

Break the ice by commenting on the environment around you. Say something about the people at school, the mound of stuff your boss assigned at work, or even why you're both at the mall that day. It's an easy way to break the ice.

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3
Ask questions. Once you start talking, ask some questions. It can be difficult to establish a smooth flow of conversation at first. One helpful tip to remember is that people generally enjoy talking about themselves. If you want your crush to keep talking, ask him questions. This can also help you get to know him better.^{[3]
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- Ask him about things you have in common, at first. For example, "What do you think of this class?" and, "Do you think you'll go to the football games this season?"
- Once you're in a conversation, try to ask more broad questions that relate to the topic at hand. If you end up discussing a movie you watched in class, say something like, "What kind of movies do you like in general?"
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Maintain the conversation for an appropriate amount of time. During the initial conversation, you don't want to overdo it. Pay attention to how the guy is reacting. Wrap up the conversation when it seems to have reached its natural end.^{[4]
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- After you exhausted a certain topic, you both may get the sense there's little left to discuss. The guy may start giving shorter answers.
- This isn't necessarily a sign that the guy is not engaged. Conversations just have a natural beginning and end. Rather than trying to force a conversation to go on longer than it has to, try to wrap it up. Look for an organic way to exit the conversation. For example, say something like, "Well, I should head to my next class. I'll see you later."

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Communicating Regularly

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Discuss shared interests. You want to be yourself around your crush, so don't center all the conversations around him and his interests — let him get to know you, too. Once you're talking regularly, try to look for shared interests to discuss. This way, you'll get to know each other better and bond through common traits.^{[5]
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- For example, say you find out you both like Dancing With The Stars. Try asking him about the latest episodes after they air. For example, "Did you see Dancing With The Stars last night? It was so crazy."
- From there, you can look for broader topics of shared interests to discuss. For example, "Do you like dancing? I just love dancing and musicals."
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Get to know him by asking questions. If a conversation is slowing down, ask a question. Asking someone about themselves will usually keep a conversation interesting. This will also give you a sense of whether you want to eventually ask your crush out. If you have a lot of shared interests and opinions, you're more likely to be compatible. You can ask questions like:^{[6]
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- "What's your favorite movie?"
- "Do you have any hobbies?"
- "What's your favorite subjects in school?"
- "What's the coolest place you've ever visited?"
- "Who's your favorite television character?"
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Be yourself. When you really like someone, it can be very tempting to try and be the type of person you think they would be interested in dating. For instance, if the guy is really sporty but you couldn't care less about sports, you might be tempted to pretend you're also a big fan. Avoid this. Don't deny your own interests, hobbies, and friends out of fear of judgement or rejection. You can be polite about it ("Oh, I'm not really into football."), and use it as an opportunity to help him learn a little about you ("I actually really love going to see live music.").^{[7]
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- It can be hard to keep this in mind when you are crushing hard, but remember that someone who doesn't like you for who you really are ultimately isn't a good match for you.
4
Text him regularly. If you get his number, texting can be a great form of communication that can help you get to know him better. Try to text him once in a while and see how he responds. This can help you see if he likes you as well. A guy who texts back eagerly is more likely to be interested.^{[8]
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- Be yourself when you text. If he asks you questions, give honest answers. Use your own unique voice and sense of humor.
- Throw in an occasional emoji. Don't overdo it, but a few smiley faces now and then can come off as flirty.
- Allow him to initiate texting on occasion. You don't want to overwhelm him.
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Try to flirt some. As you're getting to know a guy, try to do some light flirting. This will convey your interest and allow you to get a sense of whether a guy likes you. If he flirts back, it's likely he's interested.^{[9]
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- Smile. Smiling is contagious. Keeping eye-contact while smiling is key. This keeps the tension in the air flirty and fun. A smile to a guy gives him motivation to pursue you. Give him a brief smile and then look away.
- Make eye contact. This will convey interest.
- Try to introduce gentle touch. Lightly brush his arm when you're talking to him, for example.
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Avoid certain topics. Some topics can tank a conversation, so they should be avoided. If you're trying to get to know a potential romantic interest, stay away from topics that may make him uncomfortable.^{[10]
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- Avoid putting yourself down. You want to show that you like yourself and you're not insecure.
- Never say anything negative about his friends or family.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Confessing Your Feelings

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Look for signs of attraction. Before you ask someone out, it's a good idea to see if they're interested as well. If the guy doesn't seem at all invested, it may be a good idea to stick to being friends.^{[11]
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- A guy who's interested will often show this in his body language. He will lean towards you when he talks, make eye contact, and smile frequently.
- People often subtly mirror one another's body language when they're interested in someone. A guy may, for example, cross his legs when you do.
- If a guy makes excuses to touch you, this is a sign of attraction. He may brush your arm, give you a hug, or try to touch you in other ways.
- It may also help to notice if he acts different around you then he does other people. This may suggest he likes you, and may even go against the normal signs. For instance, if he is usually very flirty with just about everyone but is more quiet and shy around you, this may actually be because he is nervous around you.
- Keep in mind that none of these are definite signs he is interested.
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Be straightforward. Sometimes, it's best just to be straightforward. It can be scary to confess your feelings; however, if you think the guy is interested, it's easier to just come out and say so instead of beating around the bush.^{[12]
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- Keep it simple. Say something like, "So, I really like you a lot. I was wondering if you feel the same way."
- Take a few deep breaths before going into the conversation. This will help you stay calm.
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Ask them on a date. If it goes well, ask the guy out on a date. Say something like, "Do you want to see a movie tonight?" or, "Do you want to go to the school dance with me?" It can be hard to make the first move, but if your feelings are shared that's somewhat easier.^{[13]
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Cope with rejection. You can never be 100% sure if someone is interested in you. Even if you think you've read the signs correctly, there's always a chance a guy will not return your affections. If this is the case, try to accept this and move on.^{[14]
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- If the guy turns you down, don't question him or get angry. Say something like, "Oh ok. I'm disappointed, but I understand." Then you can excuse yourself and walk away.
- Seek out support from friends and family members. Find someone to vent your disappointment towards.
- Do something nice for yourself in the wake of disappointment. Buy yourself a new item of clothing or other treat. Take a day off to watch a movie with a friend.

What Are the Do's And Don'ts of Flirting Through Body Language?

Community Q&A

Question

What do you do when he doesn't continue the conversation?

Community Answer

A conversation requires at least two participants, so if he’s not participating it can make the whole situation difficult. You can either continue to talk or choose to end the conversation. If he seems like he’s engaged but shy and not sure what to say, keep offering subjects and ask him questions. If he seems to be uninterested it’s time to end the conversation .
Question

I don't know how to ask the simplest questions, such as his favorite color, without it being awkward. What do I do?

Community Answer

Awkward could mean so many different things and it’s often a perception we have of ourselves that others do not. The important part is to ask the questions regardless of feeling awkward, because he may not perceive you to be awkward at all. The only way to progress the friendship or relationship is to engage and converse. Practice with friends and have a few questions and responses in mind to help you feel more comfortable.
Question

What if I'm like crazy insecure? Do guys care about eye contact a lot? Or should I just laugh and smile without looking at him too much?

Community Answer

Eye contact can help, as can laughing and smiling. However, it's normal to break eye contact now and again. Too much eye contact can be overwhelming.