How to Ask a Guy Out

Co-authored by Collette Gee

Last Updated: July 15, 2022 References Approved

Once upon a time, only boys could ask out girls. But we're living in a time that doesn't require a girl to just sit around waiting for the guy to ask her out.^{[1]
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Research source} If you want to ask a guy out, then all you have to do is prepare in advance, exude confidence, and react appropriately.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Preparing to Ask a Guy Out

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Ask yourself: What's the worst thing that can happen? The worst thing that can happen would be that he will respectfully say "no" if he is a decent person. Keep this in mind and then prepare yourself to ask him out. Remember this will help you endure the pain in case this happens.
2
Find the right place and time to ask him out. Make the opportunity to ask him in a casual, low-pressure setting.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} It might be in the hallway, at the water fountain, on a sports field after practice, or wherever else you usually see him. Pick an isolated place, as well as a time when he is likely to be relaxed. Here are some things to keep in mind when you choose the right time and place:
- Get a little privacy. You do not have to be completely alone, but you will both probably be more comfortable if you can do the actual asking in a semi-private space. People may not respond honestly when their friends are hanging around and they feel pressured, so some privacy can help you get a real answer.
- Do not make a big deal about pouncing on the first available second of alone time. If you're both together in a group, lower your voice to half volume and say, "Hey, could I talk to you alone for a second?" and walk a few paces away.
- Do not give off creepy vibes. Things like silently standing in front of his locker every morning, calling him then hanging up over and over, or constantly asking other people about him may come off as creepy--and something a stalker may do.
- Give your crush some space. Do not follow him around in real life or on-line. A little recon is fine, but following his every move gets into an unhealthy obsession.
- Pick a time and place that makes sense. Asking him out after drama rehearsal may be perfect, a 1:30 a.m. text may not be.
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3
Have a date in mind. If it's your first time asking this guy out, you'll be a lot more confident if you invite him to a specific activity.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} It spares you the stress of coming up with something to do while you're on the actual date, and won't leave you saying "Uhhh... I don't know" when he asks what the plan is. Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Don't think too hard about negative thoughts like 'he will laugh at me', 'he will reject me', 'he will friend-zone me' etc. Remember that guys feel and think the same way when they approach a girl which is the main reason why so many guys exist in the so-called 'friend-zone'. The truth is you will find out only after asking, muster up some courage, ask him out. You can do it! You may be surprised to find how they would react as most guys are quite easy to talk to as compared to girls.
- Plan a classic date. There are some tried-and-true activities to do together for dates:
  - Dinner: at a restaurant, or at home with takeout, or something you made.
  - Activity: seeing a movie, going to a concert or show, visiting a museum, comic book convention, a hike, a baseball game or another interest you two have in common.
- Pick something that specifically appeals to your target date. Sometimes you may not sure if you share common interests, or you are not sure if you like something he likes. Find out what he enjoys, and give it a try. Very often this is a great way to show you are really interested in finding out more about what he likes, and willing to try something new for his sake!^{[4]
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4
Take a shower. Be sure that your entire head is completely wet and your body is covered in water. Massage shampoo and conditioner into your hair and then rinse with warm water, thoroughly rinse all of the shampoo and conditioner out of your hair. Make sure that there is none left so your hair won't have soap in it when it is dry. Put on your moisturizer, deodorant or body powder or anything else you want to put on.
5
Apply perfume. When it comes to scent, less is defiantly more. Spray or dab amounts to ‘pulse points’ places where the warmth of your body will help the scent to work. To finish off spray a light spritz of perfume in the air and walk through it.
6
Use ice breakers. Ice breakers are sentences you can use again and again to get a guys attention. Ask him “do you mind taking a photo of me and my friends?” or “I was thinking about reading that book, is it any good?” If a guy asks you a question, try keeping your answers four lines long.
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Make the first move. Touch his shoulder lightly when speaking to him, hug him or gently bump into him when walking past. Don’t wait for him to make the first move because he might take forever.
8
Ask him. Now you have to tell him you like him, just kind of explain your feelings and let him know that you don’t want this to feel awkward. You could ask him out by text or Facebook or just face to face.
9
Allow for the possibility of rejection. If he said no then get over it quickly, maybe things will work out later on. Not everyone’s going to except you, so don’t think you’re ugly or just not good enough because he doesn’t want you. There are plenty fish in the sea. How I got over rejection is just realising, just because this guy doesn’t like me doesn’t mean someone else won’t. You should actually feel proud because it takes courage to actually tell someone you like them.
- If he said yes… congratulations! Having a boyfriend is great but remember if a guy ever puts you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, get out of this relationship.
10
Be understanding. Guys love girls who understand. If it's a no then try to become good friends and hang out. You don't want your friendship to become awkward just because you asked him out, get back to normal quickly. If he did say no, then take a break from him for a couple days and then start hanging around with him and his buddies, make it look like it was miss understanding.
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Have an exit strategy. Though you should focus on the best case scenario (a resounding yes!) instead of the worst, you do need to be aware that there's a teeny-tiny chance that the guy won't say yes. Maybe he likes someone else, or maybe he was startled and only thought of you as a friend -- either way, you'll get through it. But if you want to make the most of the situation and not lose your cool, you should come up with a Plan B in case things don't go as planned.
- Come up with a reason to leave in advance. Whether it's saying that you have to study for a test, get to your next class, or that you're late to meet up with a friend, it'll sound better if you've prepared it.^{[5]
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- Come up with something else to ask in case you can tell he's not feeling it. If you approach him and he's clearly not in the mood to get asked out, think of something else you can ask him so it doesn't look weird that you came up to him -- ask for the math homework or if he knows when the home baseball team is playing that day.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Other Strategies for Asking a Guy Out

1
Use the "extra ticket" trick. Buy two tickets to see a movie, a concert, a stand-up comedian, or anything that you think will interest the guy. Then, when you start talking to the guy, casually mention the event and add, "Ugh, my friend completely bailed on me..." if the guy doesn't take the bait and ask to come, just say, "Is there any chance you'd like to go? I've been dying to see this show, and I think it'll be fun." Make it sound very casual, like you thought of it on the spot.
- This is a perfect low-pressure way to ask a guy out.
- However, be careful. If you are too vague on your intentions, your guy might think he is going as a friend, not as a date.
2
Ask him out on a group date. Going on a group date is another low-pressure way to see if there are any sparks between you two. If you and your guy are hanging out with a group of couples, or even just a group of friends, then it'll feel less like a date and more like hanging out. Just tell the guy that you and a bunch of friends are going bowling, to the movies, to dinner, or whatever, and ask if he'd like to come along.^{[6]
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- A group date can help him know that you'll be asking him out but neither of you will feel the same pressure you'd feel if you were going at it alone.
- If the group date goes well, then hopefully that will lead to a regular date.
- Try not to be too vague on your intentions. A group date may be indistinguishable from a group of mixed-gender friends hanging out. Your date may not know he is on a date and leads to awkward situations.
3
Ask him out to a guy-friendly activity. Pick something that the guy you have in mind and his friends like to do, as long as it sounds fun to you, and ask the guy to join you. (Rather than something women tend to enjoy more, like going to get nails done!)
- Find out what he likes to do first. Although there are activities that typically appeal to men more than women, you might be surprised.
- If going to the movies, try to pick a movie that has broad appeal. An action blockbuster movie might be a fun one for you both.
- Be sure you enjoy the activity, too. You do not want to end up always going to the local go-cart place because your guy thinks you like go-carts, but really you do not.
4
Ask him out to a movie or concert. This is a slight variation on the "extra ticket" strategy. With this strategy, you should first strike up a casual conversation with the guy. Then, mention a new movie that's playing or a concert that's coming to town, trying to make sure that it appeals to him. Wait for him to say how much he likes this concert or band, and if he really doesn't get the message, then say, "I've really wanted to see that movie too. Want to go check it out over the weekend?"
- If you really want to act casual about it, you can add, "I can't think of anyone else who wants to go with me" or "none of my friends like that band..."^{[7]
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Ask him out through a note. Put a note in the guy's locker, textbook, bag, or even sneak a note into his guitar case or another item that is important to him. Simply say, "Want to go out sometime?" and leave him your phone number. This works great with guys that you don't know very well, and it takes the pressure off. Not only is this an effective method, but it'll make the guy think that you're cute and a little bit creative.
- If you really want to be romantic about it, you can even ask him out through a letter, as long as it doesn't freak him out.
6
Ask him out over the phone. If you really want to ask the guy out but are afraid to do it in person, just call him up and ask if he wants to go out that weekend. You can even call him with a close girlfriend or two standing by for moral support -- as long as they don't shriek or ruin the call, having them there will help you relax and gain confidence. And if he says no, all you have to do is say goodbye and hang up.
7
Let him know face to face how you really feel.
- Don't be nervous -- just make a bit of small talk first and then transition into your question.
- When you go up to talk to him make sure your friends are in sight so that they can help you.
- Tell him all the reasons why you like him and then tell him you like him because it will give him a confidence boost and your chances of getting rejected will be a little slimmer.
- It's best if you ask him if he's free on a specific day and tell him your plans and if he likes them there's a chance he'll say yes.
- Let him know that if the date doesn't work out you'll still be willing to be his friend and if it does then you can go on a second date. He wants to know you won't be so mad. Say something like "hey you know you're smart, kind, funny, etc. and you know I like you. Maybe if you're free on Friday night we could go out to dinner and watch a movie. We could go alone or with some friends and if it doesn't work out I won't be mad we could stay friends." Something like that so that he is willing to say yes or just say everything and change the friends part. Like if he says yes say "okay, well is it alright if some friends come or just you and me" that way he knows you care about his opinion.
- Another way to do it is say "Hey, me and my friend were supposed to go out to dinner and she invited her boyfriend. Maybe you could come with me and be my date because I like you. You're smart, funny, and super nice. What do you say? You know if you're free on Friday night?" Then, wait for his answer.

Additional Ideas

Sample Ways to Ask Someone Out

Sample First Date Ideas

Sample Ways to Handle Rejection

Community Q&A

Question

I've been friends with my crush for years. I really want to ask him out, but I don't know how he'll react.

Community Answer

The key to asking out a friend is not making a big deal out of it. He likes you as a friend, but give him time to see you in a new light before you pour your heart out. You can be direct ("Do you want to go on a date? We can see how it goes and decide if we want to stay just friends afterward.") or you can be subtle ("What about just the two of us hang out this time, instead of meeting the others?").
Question

This cute boy is always looking at me, and he knows I like him. When I told him, he smiled and blushed. Does he like me?

Community Answer

Yes, that's a clear sign. He's probably shy. Keep talking to him, give him your sweetest smile, and try asking him if he'd like to go out to a movie (or something similar). You may need to take the initiative here.
Question

How can I tell if a boy likes me?

Community Answer

If he has a crush on you, he'll probably look in your direction a lot. He might act nervous when you're around, or try to impress you. Check out this article for more signs.

Warnings

Even if you have asked a guy out, it does not mean you are obligated to do anything you don't want to on the date. If you ever feel uncomfortable, get out of the situation right away and don't worry about politeness, just worry about your safety.

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