How to Ask Someone Out Using a Text Message

Co-authored by Collette Gee

Last Updated: January 17, 2022 References

You’ve mustered up the courage to ask out your crush, but what exactly should you say, and what’s the best way to do it over text message? Don’t worry—asking someone out over text doesn’t have to be complicated or scary, and we’re here to help! This article will show you the best way to strike up a conversation with your crush over text and ask them out on a date.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Asking Your Crush Out

1
Stay focused on your goal. Having a text conversation about your crush’s day or interests is a good way to show you want to know them better. Just don’t let the conversation drift into more mundane, generic topics, and don’t keep your crush waiting too long before you ask them out. The quicker you pop the question, the more likely you’ll have their full interest and get a good response.^{[1]
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- If you’re asking your crush to go on a specific date, focus the conversation on that. For example, if you want to take them to a movie, talk with them about a new release.
2
Ask them out with a compliment. When asking your crush on a date, include a kind comment explaining why you want to go out with them. This will make them feel good and open them up to the idea of a date. Some text ideas include:
- “I really like talking with you. Would you like to grab coffee together sometime?”
- “I’ve been thinking recently, would you like to go see a movie with me?”
- “You seem really wonderful. Would you be interested in grabbing dinner?”
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3
Be specific when you ask your crush out. Make sure your crush understands that you want to take them on a date, otherwise they may think you are just inviting them to go out with a group of friends.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} Use clear phrases like “Want to go out?” instead of vague one like “Want to hang?”^{[3]
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4
Figure out the details of your date. If your crush says yes, follow up immediately to make the necessary plans.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} Look for a day and time that works for both of you, then figure out a place to meet. Have concrete plans in place before you end the text conversation. This will show your crush that you’re interested and prevent confusion down the road.^{[5]
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5
Don’t worry if your crush says no. Give them some space and, in a few weeks, talk with them again as just a friend. If your conversation goes well, the dating doors may still be open. In the meantime, make sure to take care of yourself by hanging out with friends, getting out of the house, and staying active.^{[6]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Having Text Conversations with Your Crush

1
Make the texts personal. Avoid generic texts like “Hey,” “What’s up?” or “What are you doing?” since they’re not ideal for starting conversations. Instead, try to personalize the texts to your crush. This will make you stand out in a positive way and shows that you're interested in them as an individual.^{[7]
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- Try referring to the last conversation you had with them. For example, if they mentioned a big test or work project, ask them how it went.
- Talk about their interests. If you know your crush is a fan of a specific band, ask about their new album. If they have a favorite sports team, talk about a recent game.
2
Talk about happy things. Use your texts to show your crush that you’re fun to be around. Keep the conversation focused on pleasant topics, and don’t be afraid to send a joke or two. Remember that comedy and sarcasm can be hard to decipher in texts, so make it clear when you’re joking by using an emoji or a phrase like “lol” or “haha.”^{[8]
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- Unless you know your crush enjoys them, you should probably avoid crass jokes. Even if you don’t intend to, crude jokes or comments might make your crush uncomfortable or nervous.
3
Use correct spelling and grammar. You don’t need to write out an elaborate paragraph when texting. However, people are more likely to say yes to a date if your message has good spelling and grammar. Doublecheck your message before you send it to make sure there are no obvious mistakes.^{[9]
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4
Give your crush time to respond. If you haven’t heard back from your crush, don’t bombard them with texts. They may be busy or trying to decide what to say, and a bunch of texts can be overwhelming. If you haven’t heard back in a day or two, you can try sending another message to see if they respond. If they still haven’t answered, they may not be interested.
5
Send a similar amount of texts as your crush. You don’t want to overwhelm your crush, so show a similar level of enthusiasm. Sending three long texts back for every short text they send will make you seem overly eager. Instead, try to match your message lengths to theirs.^{[10]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Timing Your Text Messages

1
Don’t wait too long to text your new crush. If you just met someone that you clicked with, don’t wait to send them a text. The old rule that you should wait 3 days before contacting your crush is a myth. Text them within a day so that the fun time that you spent together is still fresh in their mind.^{[11]
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- Even if you’ve known your crush for a while, if you had a great conversation or fun time together, don’t wait to text them and let them know how much you enjoyed it.
- Your first text message can be as simple as “I just wanted to say, I really enjoyed our conversation today.”
2
Text them at reasonable hours. Avoid texting your crush early in the morning or late at night, since you don’t want to wake them up. Late afternoon and early evening are usually the best times to text since your crush will likely be awake and finished with work or school.^{[12]
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3
Wait 1 to 2 hours to reply after your crush responds. When your crush responds to your text, don’t write back immediately since it might make you seem overly eager. However, you shouldn’t wait too long to reply either, as it could make you seem rude or uninterested.^{[13]
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- In general, you should only delay responding to the first text. If you always keep your crush waiting, they may get impatient or doubt your interest.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Following through on a Date

1
Let your crush know you’re looking forward to the date. Don’t overwhelm them with texts, but a day or two before, send them a message saying that you are looking forward to seeing them. This will show your crush that you’re as excited about the date as they (hopefully).^{[14]
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2
Wear a nice, appropriate outfit. Before your time together, pick an outfit that is nice and matches the date itself. Unless you’re going to an extremely fancy restaurant or event, you probably don’t need a regal dress or full suit. Instead, go for something comfortable that fits, looks nice, and shows that you care.^{[15]
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3
Pay attention to your date. During the date, turn off your phone and focus on your crush. Keep your attention on your time together and avoid work or school drama, past relationships, and other unsavory topics. Show them you’re interested by listening to what they say and responding in a meaningful way.^{[16]
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4
Let them know if you enjoyed the date. If you had a good time and are interested in going on another date, let your crush know. Send them a text that night or the following day saying that you enjoyed your time together. If they send a positive response back, ask if they’d be interested in doing it again sometime.

Community Q&A

Question

When asking someone out via text, can I say why I like her (i.e. 'You're hot' or 'you're clever' or 'I love your eyes') or is that too creepy?

Matthew Hester

Community Answer

Letting someone know why you like them is perfectly fine, but focus on their personality, not physical attributes. "I think you're hot" may come off as creepy, but "I think you're really clever" most likely won't.
Question

How do you know if someone likes you?

Matthew Hester

Community Answer

Look for body language that shows they are attracted to you, like a guy pushing his shoulders back or a girl exposing her wrist. If someone likes you, they'll often be the first to notice small changes in your mood or appearance. When people develop a crush, they may try to spend more time with you, compliment you more often, or make self-depreciating remarks about themselves.
Question

How do I ask him out when I am not allowed to go out with anyone?

Matthew Hester

Community Answer

If you're not allowed to date anyone, you won't be able to have a traditional relationship. However, you can still become good friends and do date-like activities together, such as going to dinner or the movies. Over time, even if you don't call it going out, you may find yourself in a kind of romantic relationship.