How to Understand Diaper Lovers

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: February 9, 2022 References Approved

Diaper lovers (DLs) are adults who enjoy wearing diapers, even for medical and non-medical reasons. Reasons to wear a diaper may include convenience, sexual pleasure, or simply preferring the way they feel over regular underwear. You may feel confused if you meet an adult who prefers to wear diapers, or may not know how to react when someone tells you they enjoy wearing diapers. By understanding more about diaper lovers, you can relate better with anyone in your life who prefers to wear diapers.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Understanding Adult Diaper Use and Pleasure

1
Understand tendencies of diaper lovers. One study examined adults who wore diapers and discovered that most individuals who like to wear diapers or engage in adult infant behavior began to express these desires in early adolescence, around age 11 or 12 and have been engaging behaviors for many years.^{[1]
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Research source
Hawkinson, K., & Zamboni, B. D. (2014). Adult baby/diaper lovers: An exploratory study of an online community sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(5), 863-877.}
- Most diaper lovers are male, employed, and in their mid-30’s.^{[2]
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- More men than women engage in diaper behaviors, such as wearing a diaper, wetting, and messing in the diaper.^{[3]
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  Research source
  Hawkinson, K., & Zamboni, B. D. (2014). Adult baby/diaper lovers: An exploratory study of an online community sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(5), 863-877.}
2
Realize that many diaper lovers (DLs) currently or formerly had issues with incontinence. Some individuals begin to wear adult diapers when they start to have problems with uncontrolled accidents. As a result, they had to wear diapers, and over time, grew to like some aspects of them.
3
Look at personal history. Some studies have shown that adults who participate in infant behaviors and diapering may have a history that includes childhood sexual abuse and/or transgender expression.^{[4]
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Research source} Some individuals express a different gender than the one assigned at birth, preferring to be called “she” when biologically a male. Some individuals involved in diapering express gender fluidity.^{[5]
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- It’s important not judge people on their past or for the way they express themselves now, even if they make choices you would not make.
4
Accept that not every adult diaper lover prefers to act like a baby. While some DLs like to live in infant lifestyle, not all do. Some use diapers to relax, to feel comfortable, or for sexual foreplay. Wearing a diaper does not automatically mean you want to act and be treated as an infant.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Using a Diaper for Sexual Pleasure

1
Understand that some diaper wearers enjoy diapers for sexual reasons. People enjoy many types of sexual objects and practices, ranging from leather and rubber, to more unique practices, like wearing clothes of the opposite sex. Given that diapers are soft, sometimes warm, and positioned right next to the sex organs, it would be surprising if they did not trigger sexual feelings in some people.
2
Recognize fetishism. Some people enjoy wearing diapers as part of a fetish called autonepiophilia, or Adult Baby Syndrome. These people derive sexual pleasure out of acting as a baby and being treated like an infant. Using a diaper is not a medical or physical necessity, but a desire that is consistent with the lifestyle.^{[6]
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Research source}
- Adult babies may enjoy playing with baby toys, talking like a baby, being cared for, and engaging in baby activities. As with all fetishes, behaviors vary quite a bit from person to person.
3
Accept that many diaper lovers are in relationships. Many adults with interests in infant behavior and/or diapering tend to be in relationships, and partners are aware of the behaviors. Wearing a diaper can be a part of arousal, foreplay, or sexual activity.^{[7]
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Research source
Hawkinson, K., & Zamboni, B. D. (2014). Adult baby/diaper lovers: An exploratory study of an online community sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(5), 863-877.}
4
Know that diaper lovers are not pedophiles. Pedophilia involves fantasy or sexual activity with a prepubescent child.^{[8]
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Research source} Individuals that practice wearing diapers for pleasure are typically adults who like to role play as infants. They tend to be physically mature adults.
- Like other role playing scenarios, those that role play as aliens are not aliens. It does not mean that the individual would actually like to be or be with an alien.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Accepting a Diaper Lover

1
Ask a diaper lover to explain the situation to you. Instead of treating diaper wearing as taboo, approach the diaper wearing with an open mindset. If you have questions about wearing diapers, ask. If someone discloses that he enjoys wearing diapers, he may feel comfortable talking about his experience and explaining it to you. However, bear in mind he may be reluctant to do this unless he trusts you a great deal.
- As with all personal questions, be respectful when inquiring about this behavior.
- Let him know that he is important and supported.
2
Accept the diaper wearing. If the diaper wearer is someone who is in your life, learn to accept the diaper wearing behavior, even if you do not understand it. Realize that you likely have different quirks about yourself and recognize how nice it feels for those to be accepted by others.
- If someone discloses that he is a diaper wearer, recognize he may feel nervous or ashamed to disclose that information to you. Recognize how difficult it is to have a personal secret, and how important it is to feel accepted for your secrets.^{[9]
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- Learn the accept the diaper wearing from a non-judgmental standpoint, recognizing that it’s okay if someone wants to express himself in a non-traditional way, even if you don’t understand it.
3
Accept the individual. Even if you do not understand the practices of being a diaper lover, learn to accept the person as a person. While you may find wearing a diaper strange, learn to accept that each person has unique differences. Wearing a diaper may feel like a huge difference between you two, but focus on similarities that you share.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
Yale University
Leading academic institution devoted to expanding and sharing knowledge
Go to source}
- Learn to see past the diaper wearing and appreciate the person for who he is.
- Show the individual that you see past the diaper wearing and appreciate and accept him on a personal level. He experiences pain, joy, sadness, and anger just like everybody else. You can have a normal relationship with a diaper lover.

Warnings

Be aware that just like non-DLs, DLs come in all shapes and sizes. No one diaper lover represents them all.

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