How to React when Your Teenager Is Wearing Diapers

Co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Last Updated: October 7, 2021 References

Catching your teenager wearing diapers or in possession of them can be very confusing. However, staying calm and reacting properly is very important, as doing the wrong thing can be traumatic for your child.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Having a Discussion

1
Write out your feelings in a letter. It can be shocking to discover your teen is wearing diapers. However, it's important to remain calm and address the situation from a place of love and support. It can be helpful to write out your feelings in a letter ahead of time so you do not confront your teen when you are still emotional and confused.^{[1]
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- Write a letter you do not intend to send. Try to get your initial reaction out on the page. Include all raw emotions, including negative feelings like anger, fear, and frustration. It's important you let these feelings out so they do not crop up in conversation. You want your teen to feel safe and supported when you talk.^{[2]
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- Once you are done, set the letter aside for a few hours. Try to do something to get your mind off the situation. Watch television. Read. Go for a walk. Then, read the letter to revisit your emotions briefly.^{[3]
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- Remember, this letter is to allow you to process feelings. Talking to your teenager about wearing diapers can be an intimidating experience. You want to make sure your initial reaction is released in some manner before confronting your teen. After rereading your letter, destroy it and move on.^{[4]
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2
Speak from the heart. When confronting your teen about his or her diaper use, try to approach them from a place of love. Speaking from your heart means going into the conversation with the right motives and intentions.
- Remember, you are talking to your teen because you are concerned. Try to leave judgment and other assumptions behind. Begin the conversation from a place of love. Say something like, "I'm bringing this up because I love you and I'm concerned with these choices."
- Try to put love first throughout the conversation. When having a difficult conversation about any topic it can be tempting to try to "win." That is, you may feel tempted to try and convince your teen that your way of thinking and acting is proper. However, having a difficult conversation is not about winning. It's about finding a solution that's mutually beneficial to all involved. If you find yourself feeling judgmental or frustrated during the conversation, try to think to yourself, "I am having this conversation because I love and care about my child."
3
Create a safe space for dialogue. Teenagers are notoriously difficult when it comes to opening up. Wearing a diaper is an embarrassing issue and your teen may be wary to discuss the situation with you. Try to create a safe, open space for dialogue that allows your teen to be honest with you.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- People tend to feel safe when working towards a mutual purpose. If your teen feels like he or she is being lectured or scolded, he or she will be less likely to open up. Try to make it clear that you're seeking to understand your teen's perspective and help him or her with any issues, medical or otherwise.
- Mutual respect also helps foster a safe space. Try to be as non-judgmental as possible during the situation. Make it clear to your teen that despite your concerns you still respect him or her as a person. Avoid judgmental phrasing and practice active listening. Nod and maintain eye contact to show you are paying attention. Reiterate what your teen had said when he or she finishes talking to clarify that he or she is being heard and understood.
4
Try to step into your teenager's shoes. Empathy is key to addressing a difficult subject. Although it may be hard, try to imagine what you're teenager is experiencing and why.
- Before you even begin the conversation, try to understand your teen's perspective. Do not speculate as to why he or she is wearing diapers. Rather, try to imagine how you would feel being confronted about a potentially embarrassing problem. What emotions would you experience? How would you react? Try to imagine how hard this is for your teen. Keep this perspective in mind when confronting your teenager.^{[6]
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- Listen to what your teen says and try to understand. Regardless of your teen's reasoning, make a conscious effort to put yourself in your teen's shoes. Make an effort to understand where he or she is coming from. Empathy is key to effectively coping with a difficult issue.^{[7]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Exploring Possible Causes

1
Learn about paraphilic infantilism.^{[8]
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Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Paraphilic infantilism is a rare sexual fetish in which an individual derives sexual pleasure from being treated like an infant. If your son or daughter claims to be interested in diapers in a sexual fashion, make an effort to learn about this fetish from multiple sources. It is important to remember that, while infantilism is rare, it is not necessarily a form of mental illness. According to the DSM-4, a mental disorder "is associated with present distress or disability or with a significantly increased risk of suffering death, pain, disability, or an important loss of freedom.” If paraphilic infantilism is not directly causing your child distress (beyond the shame that comes with having desires that conflict with cultural norms) and it is not harming anyone else, it is technically not a disorder or illness.
- People with paraphilic infantilism may enjoy role playing as an infant. In addition to diaper wearing, this may or may not include activities such as wet nursing, being fed with a bottle, talking like a baby, being spanked, and playing with baby toys. While infantilism is mentioned in the DSM alongside other more common "paraphilias" (colloquially referred to as "kinks"), studies on the subject are still limited. As with most sexual fetishes, is currently unknown exactly how a person develops paraphilic infantilism.^{[9]
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- While usually sexual in nature, many people who wear diapers and engage in role playing as an infant do not associate the behavior with sexual pleasure. They may simply feel compelled to behave like an infant.^{[10]
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- For the majority of people, paraphilic infantilism has relatively little effect on day-to-day life. Many people with paraphilic infantilism hold down stable jobs, have healthy sexual relationships, and are relatively stable and well adjusted. While the practice may seem odd, it's usually harmless.^{[11]
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  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
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- In rare cases cases paraphilic infantilism is associated with disorders like depression and anxiety.^{[12]
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  Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Thoughts of suicide and suicide attempts sometimes occur with patients exhibiting paraphilic infantilism.^{[13]
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- Also note that paraphilic infantilism is very different from pedophilia. Pedophiles are sexually aroused by children. Infantilists are aroused at the thought of themselves and/or sexually mature adults dressing and/or acting in an infantile manner. Infantilism does not imply a desire for children; in fact, the idea of an adult breaking societal norms with infantile behavior is often a source of sexual gratification itself.
- Ask your teenager if there are any links or articles they would like to show you to help you understand this part of their life.
2
Ask about bedwetting, if your teenager doesn't get sexual or emotional gratification from wearing diapers. Another reason your teen may be wearing diapers is bed wetting. Your teen may be embarrassed to discuss issues of incontinence with you. However, if your teen is having issues with bladder control overnight it's important you evaluate the cause. Bed wetting can be caused by medical ailments but can also be the result of anxiety, depression, and other psychiatric issues.
- Introduce the topic of bed wetting carefully to your teen. Say something like, "I know this might be embarrassing to discuss, but I want to make sure you're okay physically. Can you talk to me about the bathroom issues you've been having?"
- Bed wetting should be evaluated by a doctor to rule out underlying medical conditions as a cause.
- Do not ask about bedwetting. If your teen has hereto only expressed emotional or sexual satisfaction from diapers, this may cause them to feel theorized and further humiliated, possibly shutting down any potential for healthy discourse.
3
Watch for signs of depression and anxiety.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} As paraphilic infantilism and bed wetting are both occasionally a sign of an underlying mental illness, you should watch for signs of depression and anxiety in your teen. Depression and anxiety may manifest in your teen in the following ways:
- Feelings of sadness, worthlessness, or helplessness
- Change in eating or sleeping habits
- Loss of interest in day-to-day activities
- Irritability
- Lack of energy^{[16]
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  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
- Be genuinely interested in your child's life. ask your teen how they are doing and feeling, what their favorite parts of life are, what their friends are like. Don't ask for any reason other than getting to know your teen's world better. This will establish trust between yourself and your teen, and they will be more willing to open up to you.
- If you think your teen may need a therapist, you can find a therapist by going through your insurance.^{[17]
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  Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} You should be able to find a list of therapists in your area that take your insurance plan. You can also ask for a referral from your teen's regular physician. If money is an issue, many therapists work on a sliding scale. There are also usually free or discount clinics in major metropolitan areas for people on a budget. If your child seems mentally and emotionally healthy apart from the diaper fetish, do not push the idea of therapy if they are not interested. Most therapists do not regard sexual paraphilias as cause for concern in and of themselves.
4
Consult a doctor for a medical evaluation. Bed wetting often has a medical cause. In teens, hormones can cause bed wetting. Small bladders and certain genetic disorders may also be to blame for teenage incontinence. If your teen has been having trouble bed wetting, take him or her to the doctor for a physical and any other tests the doctor may think are necessary.^{[18]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}

Expert Q&A

Question

Why would a teenager want to wear a diaper?

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)

Expert Answer

There are different reasons! A teen might be dealing with anxiety, depression, or both, and wearing diapers creates a feeling of safety and comfort. In more extreme cases, a teen might wear diapers to express themselves through paraphilic infantilism—a sexual fetish where someone gets sexual pleasure from being treated like a baby.