How to Accept That You Won't Get the Love of Your Life Back

Last Updated: January 8, 2023 References

Breaking up with someone you love can be an extremely difficult thing to go through. Some studies have shown that people feel the emotional pain of a break up in the same way that someone would feel a physical wound.^{[1]
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Research source} The biggest part of moving past a break up is learning how to accept that the relationship is over and allowing yourself enough time to heal.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Dealing with the Pain of a Breakup

1
Allow yourself to feel the sense of loss. Breaking off from a serious relationship is a truly painful and difficult process. The grief you experience from the loss of a relationship can be just as painful as losing a loved one through death. You may experience the same stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There are very real psychological reasons for the painful feelings that can come with a big separation. Allowing and accepting these feelings can be a great help in eventually moving beyond them.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Expert Interview. 31 July 2020.}
- Don't try to ignore or fight feeling wounded or hurt after breakup.
- It's okay and normal to feel sad, broken or empty after a serious breakup.
2
Take your time. Getting beyond the pain that a big breakup can bring will take time. While you are getting over the breakup, take care of yourself and work through your feelings at your own pace. Let yourself indulge in things that give you a sense of comfort and don't feel bad about feeling bad.^{[3]
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Research source}
- Don't rush your recovery.
- Eating your favorite foods can be a simple way for you to feel comfortable.
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3
Don't worry about “why.” After the breakup happens, you will likely want to know what went wrong. Although it's tempting to wonder exactly how you wound up in this difficult place, working through your pain is more important. Allow yourself time to feel, to readjust and to heal before ever looking back at “what went wrong”.^{[4]
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Research source}
- Your evaluation of the relationship won't be objective if you haven't had time to fully accept that it's over.
- Knowing what went wrong won't necessarily help you to feel better about your situation.
4
Stay positive and keep healing. Although it may be tough to stay focused, realizing that you will one day feel better can help you push past the most difficult parts of the breakup. Breakups have been shown to effects similar to those of substance withdrawal. Knowing that the pain of a breakup isn't permanent can allow you to push past the withdrawal and return to your normal, happy and confident self again.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Healing After Losing Your Love

1
Take good care of yourself. The depression and pain that come with a breakup can make it tough to properly care for yourself. Getting a good night's sleep can be difficult and you may not feel like eating much of anything. Despite feeling genuinely ill after a breakup, you'll still need to take care of yourself. Properly caring for yourself after a breakup can help you accept the situation and move beyond it.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Expert Interview. 31 July 2020.}
- Remember to eat enough food every day, even if you aren't feeling hungry.
- Keep up on basic personal hygiene.
- Ask your friends and family for support and help if you are finding it difficult to care for yourself.
- Don't fall into unhealthy methods of coping, such as drinking or smoking.
2
Don't be in a rush to date again. Although you may think it could help you feel better, rushing out to find someone to replace your ex can make things even harder. You'll need plenty of time to heal and recover before trying to find another serious relationship. Remember to take your time when coming to terms with your breakup and slowly ease back into social events and new relationships.^{[7]
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- Try attending small social events at first and noticing how comfortable you feel.
- Gradually work your way up to more in depth and prolonged periods of socializing.
- Pursuing another romance too quickly can result in an emotionally uncomfortable and painful experience.
3
Avoid being overly isolated. Although a breakup can make social interactions feel like something that should be avoided, keeping regular contact with your loved ones can help you to heal. Having someone familiar that you can be around may help you to feel more comfortable and supported after a breakup. Avoid spending too much time alone after your loss to help you heal and grow.
- It may take some effort to push past the natural urge to be left alone after a breakup.
- Although it's tempting to be alone after a breakup, isolation can make things even more painful.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Staying Positive and Moving past the Loss

1
Realize that there are other chances at love. Although it may feel as though you've lost your soul mate, realizing that there are other people out there can help you move forward. Don't get stuck thinking that you've lost the only love that you will ever have. Knowing that you can find love again will help you move past your old breakup and into a new and fulfilling relationship.
- Although the idea of a "soul mate" is a romantic one, it's not realistic.
- There are plenty of other people out there that you can build a new and fulfilling relationship with.
2
Keep in mind that your breakup was a new beginning. Although the old relationship came to an end, it can be helpful to remember that new possibilities have opened up as a result. Once you've accepted the breakup and moved beyond it, you'll be ready to openly explore new and rewarding relationships and experiences.^{[8]
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Research source}^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- You'll now be free to pursue interests that you may have been unable to while in your old relationship.
- Staying positive and focusing on the benefits of your breakup can help you accept it and move beyond it.
3
Don't get too comfortable. There will come a point when you feel much better about your breakup. At this stage, it can be easy to stay in your comfortable space and avoid getting out there and meeting new people. You may have also become comfortable feeling bad about your situation or angry at your ex. At this point, you should examine your current actions and your past relationship in an effort to help you move fully beyond the breakup.^{[10]
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Research source}
- Avoiding new people or social situations can be a sign that you are still holding onto the pain caused by your breakup.
- If you feel like you are holding onto the aspects of your old relationship, it may be time to let them go.
- Accepting that the relationship is over will be the final step in moving beyond it.
4
Keep yourself busy. After a serious breakup, it's likely that the only thing on your mind will be the pain caused by the breakup. Because of this, it can be helpful to stay busy and enjoy some of your favorite hobbies. By focusing on your hobbies or other interests, you can help keep your attention off of the painful loss and back onto something you enjoy.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Expert Interview. 31 July 2020.}
- Your hobbies can give you a familiar and comfortable focus.
- Exploring your hobbies and interests can help reignite old passions that may have faded due to your old relationship.
- Creative outlets, such as painting or writing, can help you express and come to terms with your feelings.
5
Don't be afraid to reach out for help. If you are truly struggling with your breakup, don't be afraid to ask for help. Talk with your therapist if you feel that you need professional help to accept the breakup and move beyond it. Your therapist will be able to help you deal with any painful feelings you might still be having, understand why you feel them and get you started on the road back to yourself.
- A therapist can offer insight into your feelings and thoughts that you might have missed by yourself.
- It's not an admission of defeat to see a therapist.
- Therapy can take time. You'll need to be prepared and dedicated to work with your therapist and move beyond your breakup.
6
Know when you are ready to move on. Before you enter into the world of dating again, you'll want to make sure that you are fully comfortable with the idea. Dating before you feel you've totally moved past your loss and old relationship can be difficult. Make sure you can say some of the following things about yourself before dating again:^{[12]
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Research source}
- You should feel totally over the past and your old relationship.
- You shouldn't feel resentful or bitter about your past relationship.
- You should feel confident about the way you look and present yourself.
- You'll want to be in a good place mentally and be ready to share your good mood.
- Don't rush to enter into a new relationship. Take your time and make sure you genuinely enjoy someone's company before getting serious.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do you let go of someone who doesn't love you?

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.

Jennifer Butler, MSW

Love & Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

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First and foremost, when you're just having this realization, it's painful. No matter what the details of the situation are, it's painful and your sense of feeling grounded goes out the window. Just take your time and take care of yourself.
Question

How can I get back in the groove of things after losing the love of my life?

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.

Jennifer Butler, MSW

Love & Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Acknowledge your feelings and come to terms with them. Relax, engage in some self-care, and try to spend time with the people who care about you. It's going to take time, but the more you force yourself to go about your regular schedule, the easier it will be to return to normalcy.
Question

How long does it take to move on after a divorce?

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.

Jennifer Butler, MSW

Love & Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

It's a hard process. it's not fun, and it's definitely one of the most challenging things you may ever face in your life. So that foundation of really knowing how to create your own safety in your body is key, number one. You have to take care of your body. From there, take the time to process your feelings and try to get back out there doing things you enjoy.

Warnings

If you feel suicidal after a breakup, please call or text 988 immediately, or your country's suicide prevention hotline if you're outside of the United States.

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