How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion

Last Updated: January 17, 2023 References

Whether you are religious or not, if someone is trying to draw you into a conversation, or perhaps an argument regarding religion, you might feel the timing and situation is awkward and uncomfortable. You might also simply not be interested in the discussion. Try changing the topic, and if that doesn’t work, you can firmly end the conversation. If you simply can't escape talking to the person about religion, setting a few ground rules can make things bearable.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Changing the Conversation

1
Redirect the topic subtly to be polite. This is the most polite way to avoid the conversation about religion. If someone brings it up, follow up with something unrelated without being too obvious.Try to raise questions that lead the other person to talk about different things you appear interested in.^{[1]
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- For example, imagine Cousin Marty says something like “Kids these days just aren't going to church. It's all that rock and roll they're listening to. Right?”
- You could follow up with “Speaking of kids, I've been meaning to ask: how’s your daughter doing at college?”
2
Bridge to a safe topic before religion is brought up. If you know that you'll be talking to people who like to bring up religion, take charge and steer the conversation elsewhere. By being preemptive, you can stop the awkward conversation before it even begins.^{[2]
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- Be prepared with a few neutral conversation starters, like "So what did you all think of the last Game of Thrones episode?" or "Anyone have travel plans for the summer?"
- Whenever you're around the person who likes to talk about religion, just lead with one of these neutral topics.
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3
Find someone to be a buffer. Bringing someone new into the conversation can lead to a natural shift in topic. If someone won't drop the topic of religion, having a buffer also means you won't be stuck alone in an awkward situation.^{[3]
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- You can make the shift suddenly, like “Hey, isn't that Pam over there? Let's catch up with her! Hey Pam! Over here!”
- Try to have a friend or ally be your buffer. They'll probably pick up on what's going on and try to help out.
4
Respond with total silence. Sometimes not saying anything at all is the best way to get a point across. If someone brings up religion in an uncomfortable way, look at them and say nothing. It takes a little nerve, but hold the silence for a few seconds and then shift to a neutral topic. This should signal clearly that it's not an appropriate time to discuss religion.^{[4]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Ending the Conversation

1
Make up an excuse to leave. A little white lie is just fine if you're trying to get out of an awkward conversation about religion. Tell the person you've had fun talking to them, but you've actually got to go now.^{[5]
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- Make up an excuse where the person can't reasonably follow you.
- For instance, if you say you're going to refill your drink, they might try to follow you.
- Instead, say you've got to go call home and check on things.
2
Try the hard pivot technique. If someone makes an awkward or offensive remark about religion, you don't have to respond in any way at all. Simply turn and walk away. This might be considered rude, but it's reasonable if it's really not the place or time to talk religion.^{[6]
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3
Let stray remarks go rather than starting an argument. If someone makes a religious comment, even one that annoys you, no one says you have to respond. This is especially true if it seems like an awkward time to pick up the topic. If there’s not a question directed specifically at you, just let the comment go. Leave as soon as you can.^{[7]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Setting Ground Rules

1
Declare a debate-free zone. If you can't escape the conversation, and the person won't let the topic go, be upfront about not wanting to talk. Politely but firmly remind them that religion is a personal and sensitive topic, and it may not be appropriate to discuss it in all situations. Suggest that for the sake of others around you, it's best not to debate religion right now.^{[8]
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2
Suggest talking about religion some other time. If the person is not being combative but wants to talk about religion, tell them another time and place would be better. If you are genuinely interested in talking to them about religion, you can actually set up another time to talk. If you just want them off your back, keep it non-specific.^{[9]
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- Something like “Why don't we talk about this at the next company picnic?” should do the trick.
3
Agree to disagree. With reasonable people, this old standby actually works. If someone brings up religion in an awkward situation, tell them you likely don't agree on spiritual matters and should probably talk about something else.^{[10]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How can I make amends if I hurt someone's feelings about their religion?

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.

Tami Claytor

Etiquette Coach

Expert Answer

Apologize as soon as you can so the situation doesn't drag on longer than it needs to. Leaving it unaddressed could put strain on your relationship with the person.
Question

What about when Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses come to your door?

Community Answer

Simply explain to them very kindly and politely, "I admire your devotion and enthusiasm for your belief and your wish to share it to everyone else, but I'm sorry, I don't share this belief. Thank you."
Question

I know some overly-assertive atheists who make statements about "religion" as if anything at all spiritual is stupid. To say I don't want to discuss religion is a bit different. Any suggestions?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

A debate is when people get together to talk with and listen to each other, to get feedback and to be ready to change their minds if the other has convincing arguments. At the very least, each party should come away with a broader insight, even if they stick to their own ideas. What you describe is not a debate, as they are not ready to discuss anything, so why waste time on them? Religion is not the same as spirituality; atheists can be spiritual, and any atheist should march along in protest whenever freedom of religion is in danger, let alone if they themselves are the cause of that danger.

Warnings

You shouldn't turn away from something just because it makes you uncomfortable. Although sometimes it isn't worth discussing with someone that has a narrow point of view, it is necessary to have uncomfortable conversations at times.

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