How to Avoid Worrying About Cheating

Co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and Christopher M. Osborne, PhD

Last Updated: February 18, 2022 References

How can you stop thinking your partner is cheating? If you find yourself wondering who they're really texting or why they came home later than usual, you're not alone. However, while some insecurity is normal, a lack of trust can undermine a healthy relationship. The good news is you can improve trust and stop thinking about being cheated on. We'll walk you through how to let go of worrying that your partner is cheating on you.

1

Stay Off of Their Social Media

You'll see people commenting on their posts, and that see they have followers and who they are following. Don't get near their phone, personal laptop, or social media accounts.^{[1]
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Research source}
- You can also open a new joint social media account together. Then you will have mutual friends and everyone else on will understand that you are a couple. Post a lot of couple pictures of the two of you, and preferably with kids, pets, the home you share so others get the message that you're both taken and in a committed.

2

Don't Check Their Phone

The odds are that you will find something to worry about. Don't go there. If you don't find something suspicious, you will invent something to be suspicious about. Trust and let the phone owner have the freedom of doing what they want to on their phone. If you are loving in the way you should be, you won't have to worry about your loved one's desire to get away from you. You will be confident that your loved one wants to stay with you.

3

Maintain Intimacy

If you are married (or in a sexual relationship), be intimate often.^{[2]
X
Research source} Sometimes, a lack of intimacy causes people to look elsewhere. If you want to prevent your spouse from looking elsewhere, you need to try to be available when you are needed in this area.
- Understand that forcing or manipulating someone to have sex is always rape. Your significant other has no right to do that to you, and you have no right to do that either.
- In the case that your significant other has a different sex drive than you, you should discuss options for you both to be satisfied in your relationship- whether that is a friends-with-benefits scenario, explicit movies or reading material, or compromises on how often you will have sex or enjoying sexual intimacy.

4

Maintain Attraction

Stay attractive for your partner.^{[3]
X
Research source} If you know you are attractive, you will be less likely to worry about your significant other cheating on you with someone more attractive.
- Ask your partner what kinds of hair styles and clothes are attractive, etc. Take a shower every day. Brush your teeth and floss multiple times a day. Chew gum so you have fresh breath, etc. There are many things you can do to stay attractive to your partner.
- The most attractive thing, though, is being a loving and kind person. Don't work on your outside and forget about your inside, as in your heart, which shows in your attitudes and relationships. Try to be a good and romantic person so that your mate will want to stay with you. Try to be the most loving person you know, and your loved one won't go looking for love anywhere else but with you.

5

Set Boundaries to Prevent Cheating

Do things to prevent cheating.^{[4]
X
Research source
lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-ways-prevent-cheating-relationship.html} If you and your partner agree on it, make a general relationship rule that neither of you will have close friends. This is frequently the first step in affairs or cheating. The friendship might start out innocent enough, but over time it could build until an affair might happen- or at least that's what you would be worried about.
- You can also ask that your partner doesn't stay friends with an ex, except to be close to their kid(s) in case of shared child custody/parenting.
- Understand that controlling friendships is a sign of an abusive relationship. If your partner tries to stop you from being friends with anyone because of jealousy, you should begin to closely examine your relationship. On the same token, all you can do is ask your significant other not to have friends or be friends with an ex-partner friends, not force that.

6

Build Your Relationship

Show genuine interest in your partner and listen. The closer the two of you are, the less likely that other person is to leave you or cheat.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}
- Talk about your dreams with each other. Have fun and laugh together. Be each other's best friend. Stay unified and on the same page with each other.
- Be open and honest with each other. If you always have open communication, it will be a lot harder to hide any secrets from you.

7

Laugh at Yourself

"Often, laughing often does good like medicine, often. Hmm, pretty often..."^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}

8

Rely on Your Faith

If you are religious, have faith that God will ensure you are staying together. In some things, you have to let go, release tensions and have faith.^{[7]
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Research source}

9

Be Confident

Be confident in yourself.^{[8]
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Research source} If you feel, about yourself, that you are quite a catch, then your partner will probably feel that way about you too; that's the key to keeping someone in love with you:
- Don't be paranoid.^{[9]
  X
  Research source} Yes, people cheat all the time in our modern society, but that doesn't mean you** should be paranoid about it. If you get paranoid, it will make you insecure, overly worried, and controlling, which are all very unattractive qualities.
- The more jealous you may become, and interrogate whomever you are with, the more the other won't like being around you. No one wants someone asking questions all the time and being suspicious. No one wants their life-partner to be non-trusting and non-accepting.
- Show that you think your loved one really is trustworthy, and that you expect trustworthiness. If you always treat someone as a cheater, then it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You might create the very thing you were so worried about. You might cause the very thing to happen that you were trying to prevent.

Expert Q&A

Question

Why is it so hard to trust in a relationship?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Trust is tricky because it's not a destination; instead, it's an active process that we engage in. It's not set in stone; instead, it's an ongoing piece of clay that you're molding with another person.
Question

How do I make sure my boyfriend isn't cheating?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Take a close look at your relationship in the short term. Have there been any signs indicating that your boyfriend is lying? When you ask your boyfriend something, is he open and willing to explain what's going on? Do your best to communicate with your BF instead of jumping to any conclusions.
Question

What is one of the most effective ways to build trust?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Give it time! Your trust is going to increase when your partner is reliable and provides consistent answers over time.