How to Deal With Verbal Bullying

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: November 1, 2022 References Approved

Being bullied is not a good feeling. People of all ages are bullied; perhaps you're an adult being harassed by someone on the job, or maybe you're a teen being talked down to at school. Remember that any amount of bullying, whether once a day or once a month, is too much. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You can deal with verbal bullying successfully by responding to the bully, putting an end to their insults, and taking care of yourself. Though this situation is tough and unfair, remember that you're an awesome person and everything is going to be alright!

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Managing the Bullying

1
Remain calm. When dealing with this person, you might feel tempted to cry or scream. However, doing so will only make the bullying worse. Once you show emotion, they'll know they got to you so don't give them the satisfaction! Take a few deep breaths, keep your voice lowered, and do your best not to cry. If you can't keep calm, step away until you feel more relaxed.^{[1]
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2
Tell the person that what they said hurt you. People sometimes say things without knowing that what they said was hurtful. They may do this out of ignorance or carelessness. Make sure to call attention to what was said if it was hurtful to you. Tell them how it made you feel and allow them a chance to change their behavior.
- For example, you might say something like, “You hurt my feelings when you made fun of my dress. It made me feel bad about my appearance.”
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3
Use humor to throw them off their game. The bully probably expects you to get upset, cry, or lower your head. But show them a different side of you. Make fun of their insult! They'll know that they have little power over you if you're able to laugh at them.^{[2]
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- You might say “So...Karen, are you just noticing that I have glasses? Cause I've had them for eight years. Maybe you need glasses, girl!”
- Avoid making a joke or laughing if it's your boss or parents who are insulting you. Instead say “What makes you say that?”
4
Change the subject. When they begin insulting you, switch the topic of conversation. Talk about a book you're reading, celebrity gossip, or the good lunch you had. If you're around others, they'll likely join in on the new topic, too.^{[3]
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- Say something like “Oh, did y'all see the big Instagram fight Rob and Blac Chyna had? It was so crazy!”
5
Compliment them. Another way to throw off the insulter is to pay them a compliment. This will surprise them and shut down their bullying. If you can, make the compliment related to the insult they gave you.^{[4]
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- For instance, if they insult your shirt, you can say “I really like your shirt. It's pretty. Where'd you buy it?”
6
Look confident. A bully is more likely to approach someone who looks like they have low self esteem. Instead of looking down at your feet, hold your head up! Sit straight up in your chair and stand tall when walking. Let that bully know you're not the one to mess with.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Avoiding the Bully

1
Get some distance from the bully. Removing yourself from the possibility of running into the bully can help avoid their insults altogether. Take a new route when leaving class, increase your privacy online and make sure you're never alone with the bully unless necessary.
- If you're in a class together, ask if your teacher can sit you away from them. You can also ask to leave a few minutes early so you can avoid them when walking out.
2
Avoid being alone. If the bullying occurs in the breakroom or on your walk to class, go with a friend. The bully is less likely to be mean to you in the presence of someone else.^{[6]
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- If you want, you can tell your friend what's going on with the bully or you can just simply ask them to walk with you.
3
Put in headphones. Tune that bully out by listening to that new album you like or watching videos on YouTube. This will drown out any insults they might be hurling at you while giving you an opportunity to do something fun. Killing two birds with one stone!
4
Find something else to do. Maybe you're in your room or at work when the bully begins going off. Do something else! Fold up clothes when your big sister is being mean or tidy up your desk if your coworker is at it again.^{[7]
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5
Ignore them and walk away. Sometimes, the best policy is to simply get away from them completely. Don't let them give you more insults that you can handle. Simply stand up and walk away and go do something fun.^{[8]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Putting an End to the Verbal Assaults

1
Have a talk with them. Perhaps you've never told the bully how you feel or asked them to stop. Pull them aside and tell them you don't appreciate them speaking to you that way and you won't put up with it anymore. Ask a friend to come with you if you don't feel comfortable doing it alone.^{[9]
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- You might say, “Josh, this whole insulting me thing is getting old. I have been patient with you, but I'm not gonna take it anymore. I need you to stop.”
- You can practice this speech in the mirror at home a few times before doing it in person.
2
Ask your friends to step in. If you have to be around the bully, find a friend who'll be with you. Talk to them about what's going on and ask them to support you in case they start being mean.^{[10]
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- Say “Do you remember Eric? Well, he'll be there tonight and I'm so worried. Can you come with me and have my back? I don't want to be alone.”
3
Tell a parent or family member. If you're in school or if the person bullying you is in your family, talk to your parents about it. They'll be able to talk you through it or even end the bullying altogether.^{[11]
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- You might say, “Hey Mom, I wanna talk to you about something. There's this kid Bob in my class, and he's really mean to me. I've tried a few things, but he won't stop. I don't know what to do.”
- But, if the bully is your parent, talk to another relative like a grandfather or aunt.
4
Document every time they insult you. Begin keeping a record of the insults in case you need it later. Write down the date and what they said to you. Should you decide to turn them in, this documentation will be helpful in showing how bad things are.^{[12]
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5
Report them to the proper authorities. If this person is disrupting you at work, affecting your academics, or harming your self esteem, report them! You deserve to be happy at work or school, not harassed. Tell your teacher, principal, boss, or Human Resources office.^{[13]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Coping with the Bullying

1
Write down how you feel. Bullying can be tough on you mentally and emotionally. Each time it happens, write down how you're feeling. Getting it out on paper can help you move on from it quicker.^{[14]
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Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
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- You can rip the paper into little pieces when you're done writing.
2
Talk about it with your friends. Your friends can be a great source of support during this time. Maybe they have also been verbally bullied in the past and can provide advice or just a listening ear. Rely on them and don't isolate yourself!^{[15]
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- Say, “Hey, something has been bothering me for a while. My boss is kind of a jerk to me. She puts me down and sometimes even calls me names. Have you ever had a boss like that?”
3
Take care of your physical health. The stronger you are physically, the stronger you'll feel mentally. Try to break a sweat at least once a day, whether that's through a gym class or going for a run in your neighborhood. Be sure to get eight hours of sleep per night, too, and eat healthy meals.^{[16]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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4
Do things you're good at to build your self-esteem. The bully is trying their best to tear you down, but don't let them! Do things that you excel at to remind yourself of how cool you are. Maybe you're a great artist, you're good at trivia, or you do makeup like no other. Take some time to explore your talents and to remember who you are!
5
Create a list of compliments you've been given. To continue to build your self-esteem, keep a list of nice things people have told you about yourself. You can keep this list in the notes section on your phone and read it when you're feeling low.^{[17]
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- Write down that time the sales clerk said you were pretty or when you got an academic award from your school.
6
Practice positive self-talk. When you wake up each morning, boost yourself up! Before you start getting ready or have breakfast, look in the mirror and be kind to yourself. This helps ensure that you start your day off strong and positive. And remember, this bully might think they've got the best of you, but show them that the best is yet to come!
- For instance, you might look yourself in the mirror and say, “Brittany, you are an awesome chick. You are so smart, funny and beautiful. Today is going to be the best day you've ever had.”

Expert Q&A

Question

What if the bully knows more inappropriate stuff than I do and I don't know what they mean? Should I ask my mother what they mean?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Does your mother know about the bullying? If not, it may be a good way to tell her and a good way for your mom to intervene on your behalf. If she does know about the bullying, I would tell her about the inappropriate stuff and let her know that you don’t want to hear it. Ask for her help to make it stop. Parental intervention can be very helpful.
Question

What can you do if it is still happening after you tell an adult?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Tell another one, and another one, and another one until somebody does something about it. Find an adult in a position of authority. If it is happening at school, then report every single incident. Tell the school counselor, tell the school social worker, tell the police liaison, tell the principal. If your school has an anti-bullying policy, all of these people have a legal obligation to do something about it.