How to Deal with Simps

Co-authored by Jan & Jillian Yuhas and Eric McClure

Last Updated: June 21, 2022 References

A kind and respectful guy can be delightful to hang out with, but if he’s showering you with praise and gifts just to get you to like him, he may be a simp. The attention might be fun at first, but tread with caution! It can be hard to get rid of simps if you give them too much positive attention. In this article, we’ll walk you through your options so that you can keep your simp problem from getting out of hand.

1

Thank them for kind gestures and move on.

If you make a big deal out of them being nice, they won’t stop. Simps have it in their head that if they’re super nice and supportive, they can win you over. If a simp says something nice, just say “thanks” in a flat tone and keep it moving. Just don’t make a huge deal out of it.
- Hugging, smiling, or blushing in response to a kind gesture may send the wrong message, so don’t be too reactive or thankful.

2

Tell them you’re not available.

Simps think they have a chance, so just say you have a boyfriend. You may put an end to their unwanted advances and comments if you say you’re dating someone. If they ask questions about your relationship, shrug it off and tell them it’s none of their business.^{[1]
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- You could also say you aren’t interested in dating men.

3

Be honest that you don’t like them.

You aren’t obligated to pretend that you’re into them. If their simping is explicitly flirty and they’re on the verge of outright hitting on you, put an end to it. Be honest about how you feel. If you just want to be friends, say so. If you don’t want anything to do with them, say that. Just try to avoid letting them down too hard if they haven’t deserved it.^{[2]
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- Try to be nice if they’re a genuinely kind person. You might say, “Look, I appreciate how nice you’re being, but I don’t like you. I’m sorry. I just don’t see you that way.” You could also say:
  - "I think you're a great guy, but I feel we connect better as friends than romantically."^{[3]
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    Expert Source
    
    Jan & Jillian Yuhas
    Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
    Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
  - "I think you're an amazing guy, but I think we want different things. Are you open to being friends?"^{[4]
    X
    Expert Source
    
    Jan & Jillian Yuhas
    Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
    Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
  - "You're great and have a lot to offer, but I don't think we are a good match based on our values."^{[5]
    X
    Expert Source
    
    Jan & Jillian Yuhas
    Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
    Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- If they’re a little rude when they do their simping, you don’t have to be nice. You can say, “I’m not interested in you. Please get that through your head—I don’t like you.”

4

Ignore their advances and comments.

Simps feed off of positive responses, so don’t give them any. If they stand up for you, compliment you, or try to hit on you, don’t even respond. Hit them with some side eye, don’t say anything, and just go about your day.^{[6]
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- This should deflate most guys enough that they’ll leave you alone.
- Simps want attention and if you don’t give them any, they should stop simping.

5

Tell them which behaviors aren’t acceptable.

It’s possible they don’t get what they’re doing wrong, so set clear boundaries. Do not let it go if a guy simply won’t stop trying to “nice” their way into your heart after you already asked them to stop. Be straight up about what is and is not okay.^{[7]
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- You might say, “Cut it out with the comments about my appearance. If we’re going to be friends, you can’t do that.”
- If they’re being especially rude, you could say, “I have no interest in hanging out with people who can’t respect me. Leave me alone.”

6

Act unimpressed by everything.

Simps want to be seen and acknowledged, so don’t give them reactions. Stop laughing at their jokes, don’t compliment them, and refuse to return kind comments. Try to maintain a flat tone and just be totally uninterested. They may eventually cut it out.^{[8]
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- This is also a good way to set boundaries. By not rewarding certain behaviors, they should eventually stop.

7

Stop accepting gifts and favors.

Simps think they can “buy” your love, so don’t let them do it. As nice as the gifts and special treatment might be, you’re only dragging this out by letting them do this. Simps have a warped view of what drives relationships, and by taking their favors and gifts, they think that they’re making progress with you. Stop thanking them for things they do for you and don’t take their presents.^{[9]
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8

Explain why you don’t owe them anything.

If they really don’t get it, explain what they’re doing wrong. Some simps genuinely don’t see why they’re doing something wrong. If you think a guy can be reformed, try to have an honest conversation about why their behavior isn’t going to pay off.^{[10]
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Research source} You might say:
- “Look, being nice just to get me to like you is kind of messed up. I’m not a child who just likes someone because they get me presents.”
- “Buying me things and doing favors for me isn’t going to make me attracted to you. That’s not how this works.”

9

Ignore especially persistent simps.

If all else fails, refuse to acknowledge their existence. Block them online, don’t answer their texts, and just put your hand up in their face whenever they try to talk to you. They don’t have any right to interact with you if they’re not going to behave themselves. Don’t put up with it.^{[11]
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10

Address stalker behavior for what it is.

If you’re being harassed, speak up and get help. Do not let serious boundary violations go. If this simp has transformed from a nice guy into a monster, tell your parents, teachers, and/or boss that this person is harassing you. Block their phone number and social media accounts. If you ever feel unsafe, do not hesitate to contact law enforcement.^{[12]
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- If they ever follow you somewhere or show up at your home unannounced, they may qualify as a stalker.
- Things like unsolicited nude photos, online hate messages, and phone bombing are serious forms of harassment.

Community Q&A

Question

What if you kinda like the person that’s dumping for you? Should I ask him out?

James Hinchey

Community Answer

Yes. If you like that person a lot, don't hesitate. Try to seek a relationship that doesn't rely on him/her giving you gifts and favors.