Do you have that one coworker (or a few coworkers) who you just can’t relax around? Unfortunately, being sabotaged or backstabbed by a coworker is pretty common, especially in high-stress workplaces. Fortunately, there are strategies you can use to deal with your sneaky coworkers without making a huge scene. Read this article to learn everything you need to know about toxic people in the workplace and how you can make your job a better place to be.

1

Keep your distance from them.

2

Chat with them one-on-one.

  1. A private conversation might help clear things up.[2] Ask your coworker to go get coffee or lunch with you, then talk about what’s happened and how it made you feel. Keep it professional, but don’t back down if they try to make excuses.[3] If your coworker knows that they can’t get away with their behavior anymore, they might just back off.[4]
    • “I was wondering if we could talk about that meeting last week. I didn’t really appreciate that you took credit for the project. You know as well as I do that it was a team effort, and we all put a lot of work into getting it done.”
    • “When we chatted last week about our manager, I made it clear that you couldn’t share what I told you with anyone else. Why did you talk about our conversation with other people?”
3

Set clear boundaries for yourself.

  1. Boundaries can help you avoid manipulation from your coworkers. If you have a coworker who is always asking you for help or wants you to take on their responsibilities, stand up for yourself.[5] You don’t have to take on extra work, especially if it’s just making your other coworker look good. Set firm, clear boundaries, and don’t back down from them in the workplace.[6]
    • “I’ve got a lot on my plate already. I’m afraid I won’t be able to help you finish up that project this weekend.”
    • “I’ve already maxed out my overtime this week. Maybe you could ask someone else?”
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5

Lead by example.

  1. Strive to be an honest, exemplary worker to show what that looks like. As tempting as it may be, you don’t want to stoop down to your coworker’s level. Keep being a great worker and peer, and don’t backstab or sneak around behind anyone’s back.[9]
    • The more you can remain on the up and up, the better. If your sneaky coworkers ever catch you doing anything slightly out of line, you can be sure they’ll use it against you to get ahead.
    • Remember that your coworker’s behavior isn’t a personal attack against you.[10] If they’re being sneaky or manipulative toward you, they’re probably doing it to other people, too.
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6

Keep a paper trail.

  1. Save any evidence of your coworker’s actions as proof in case you need it. Call logs, emails, and text messages can all be used to prove your innocence if your coworkers ever try to accuse you of something. A paper trail can also help you prove that you had involvement in a project that your coworkers are trying to take full credit for.[11] Download any screenshots and save them in multiple places (including somewhere not in the office) so you have backups if you need them.[12]
    • Let’s say your coworker tried to accuse you of slacking off and not contributing to the project. If you have emails showing that you sent in your part, you can prove that you did your work.
8

Be friendly toward your other coworkers.

  1. Close relationships can make your workplace fun again. If you know who the sneaky ones in the office are, avoid them, but be nice to all the other people. You don’t have to become BFFs, but having a friendly chat before or after work can really make it a little less dreadful to come into the office every day.[14] [15]
    • Be friendly, but don’t reveal anything personal or confidential. Even if you’re sure you know who your sneaky coworkers are, there’s always a chance that your new friend is one of them too.
9

Talk to your boss if you need to.

  1. Your boss may be able to talk to your coworkers about their behavior. If you’re finding your workplace a hostile place to be, it’s time to talk to the person in charge. Schedule a private meeting with your boss or HR, then explain what’s been happening in clear, non-accusatory words.[16] They might just be able to help you work through these issues and talk to your other coworkers.[17]
    • “I wanted to talk with you about the actions of some of my coworkers. While I understand the desire to look good in front of the boss, there are a few people who have been taking credit for other people’s work. I don’t think this is fair to the team as a whole.”
    • “I’ve noticed that the workplace has become more competitive lately, rather than a team effort. I think a little competition is healthy, but right now, a lot of people are feeling stressed because of how much we’re all clashing.”
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11

Look for a new job if you need to.

Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about socializing at work, check out our in-depth interview with Jeffrey Fermin.

References

  1. Meredith Walters, MBA. Certified Career Coach. Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
  2. Dawn Smith-Camacho. Career & Life Coach. Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
  3. Jeffrey Fermin. Marketing Manager, AllVoices. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
  4. https://scholars.fhsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1122&context=alj
  5. Jeffrey Fermin. Marketing Manager, AllVoices. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
  6. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust-yourself/202108/7-ways-deal-passive-aggressive-colleague
  7. Julia Yacoob, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.
  8. https://www.today.com/health/asshole-survival-guide-dealing-jerks-work-beyond-t116051
  9. https://hbr.org/2018/04/4-ways-to-deal-with-a-toxic-coworker
  1. Meredith Walters, MBA. Certified Career Coach. Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
  2. Jeffrey Fermin. Marketing Manager, AllVoices. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
  3. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/spotting-and-handling-office-snakes/
  4. https://hbr.org/2018/10/stop-complaining-about-your-colleagues-behind-their-backs
  5. Jeffrey Fermin. Marketing Manager, AllVoices. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
  6. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2321940/
  7. Jeffrey Fermin. Marketing Manager, AllVoices. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
  8. https://scholars.fhsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1122&context=alj
  9. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust-yourself/202108/7-ways-deal-passive-aggressive-colleague
  10. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/spotting-and-handling-office-snakes/

About This Article

Jeffrey Fermin
Co-authored by:
Marketing Manager, AllVoices
This article was co-authored by Jeffrey Fermin and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Jeffrey Fermin is a Performance Marketing Manager based in Miami, Florida, who currently works for AllVoices. He’s also the Founder of a full-service marketing company called New Theory. With over 10 years of experience, he specializes in digital marketing and content creation. He earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and a Bachelor of Education from Florida International University. Jeffrey has won a Microsoft Octas Innovation Award and is a TechCrunch Disrupt Runner-Up. This article has been viewed 17,643 times.
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Co-authors: 4
Updated: February 28, 2023
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Categories: Socializing at Work
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