How to Decline an Unwanted Invitation to Someone's House

Co-authored by Tami Claytor

Last Updated: December 14, 2022

Everyone has experienced an invitation they'd rather turn down. Being asked to visit someone's house when just don't want to can be awkward. But whether it's to dine, to have a playdate for your children or for some other reason, there is a polite way to decline.

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Excuses You Should Never Make

1
Avoid ever blaming your inability to come on your own or someone else's poor health. Saying "Johnny had a cold last week" or "My gout has really been bothering me lately" or "Sorry! Can't do lunch. Kassie is allergic to gluten!" or "Hard pregnancy! I have random morning sickness" won't impress anyone. In some cases, it'll cause the person to try hard to accommodate your sickness. Blaming your inability to turn up on sickness usually backfires, for example:
- Allergies: These can be catered for simply.
- Current illness: A simple date shift will mean you still have to turn up.
- Blaming it on aches and pains is silly! They will suggest a non-active activity!
- Blaming it on sickness is unwise! They might say that they aren't overly freaked out about germs.
2
Never lie. It's wrong and it'll unravel just when you least expect it.^{[1]
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3
Avoid coming up with a string of excuses. Anything involving your busy life, your children, your spouse, your work and so forth can all be explained away some way or other. Some people can be very accommodating or persistent and you can really hurt them by carrying on with excuses before finally putting down your foot and saying no.

Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Refusing Over Text

This is the easiest way!

1
Say "no". Keep it short and perhaps use humor or abbreviations.
- Use the acronym SICMI. This means "sorry i can't make it". If they ask, you simply reply with what it means.
2
Never elaborate. The point of texting is to be short and sweet. You simply say, "Thanks but I can't come. Thanks though! Appreciate it!" It's simple!^{[2]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Refusing by Email or a Written Letter

1
Do not ever explain yourself over the e-mail! This opens doors to people believing that they are close enough to know why you can't come. Unless you really want to have a strong, close friendship with this/these person/people, do not ever tell them why! This also sounds like you had to come up with some sort of reason not to come.^{[3]
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- Here is an example email invite and decline:
  - Invite: "Tracey, How have you been? I am very excited about the upcoming ballet recital. We hope to see you there! I was thinking that it would be fun to get together sometime at my house. Let me know what days work for you. Thursday, Friday, and the 7th work for us. Let me know if you have any other days also! Jenny"
  - Decline: "Hello, Jenny! I'm looking forward to the recital also. Lilly is dragging me from store to store trying to find purple tights and green leotards! Hard to find! Thank you for the invitation. I am sorry, but I cannot make it. I really appreciate the offer I look forward to seeing Janice perform on Tuesday! How is your father-in-law's shoulder? We are all praying for him! Have a good weekend! Tracey"

Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Refusing Over the Phone

It is hard refusing when you are talking on the phone. You feel a strong pressure and a "must answer instantly" feeling. Well, thankfully, there is a way to say no!

1
Observe the manner used in this phone conversation (keep in mind that Tracey and Jenny have been talking about other things):
- JENNY: "Oh yes! Janice is really excited about the recital!
- TRACEY: "Lilly is, too! J-Oh speaking of the girls, I was wondering about a playdate for Lilly and Janice. I can do Saturday or the 8th.
- T: Sorry, Jenny. I can't get together. I appreciate it though."
- J: "Way to go, Tracey!
2
Keep it short and sweet. You see, over the phone is not awkward for you only, but also for the other person. So when you answer, they cannot say anything about your answer. That is, if the person has manners!^{[4]
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Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Refusing in Person

This is the most difficult of all!

1
Be careful of your facial expression.
2
Simply say you will have to check your calendar when you get home. Then, the next day, shoot a short and sweet email, or call them up. Calling is the best. You can sound more grateful! But only if you can't talk, shoot an email.^{[5]
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3
Never explain why you're declining. You might not have anything on your calendar. Whether or not you do is none of their business! You just tell the other person that you are sorry and cannot make it.
4
Thank them for their offer.^{[6]
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Community Q&A

Question

What if they want to know why you can't come?

Community Answer

Tell them that you aren't really up for whatever they are doing. You could tell them that you already have plans, you're tired, or you just really aren't interested.
Question

How do I get a neighbor to stop asking me to dinner if I have said no several times?

Community Answer

Just tell them, in no uncertain terms, dinner is not going to happen.
Question

What if you're not interested but you can't turn them down?

Community Answer

I use “Thanks very much, but I have plans”, or “That won’t work for me this time”, and continue with the conversation. If they ask why, just repeat what you’ve already said without giving a reason. Most people will stop asking after a couple of times. Do not be apologetic. You have the right to spend your time as you please. It may feel awkward at first, but it gets easier with practice, and people will respect you more.