How to Find Mr. Right

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

Drinker. Partier. Secret drug addict. Cheater. You know: the duds you keep dating. Want to break the cycle? With a good set of relationship and personality standards, as well as a few simple tweaks to how you act and a veritable treasure map to the best guys, wikiHow can help find Mr. Right. Just get started with Step 1 below!

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Look in the Right Places

1
Seek him out, don't wait for him. The most important part about finding Mr. Right is that you should not sit around waiting for him to find you. You have to go out and find him. Hey, even Cinderella got herself out to that ball, right?
2
Frequent coffee shops and lunch stops in the right places. Figure out the kind of guy you're looking for (future doctor, successful businessman, outdoorsy adventurer, artsy hipster, etc.) and go to the neighborhoods where such men are concentrated to have your lunch or get your morning coffee. Of course, this means you'll have to be willing to talk to guys you don't know!

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3
Join a club or take a class. Local clubs and classes can be a great place to meet guys. Pick a class or club in a subject that interests you but know that you'll have a much easier time if you choose something that will have a higher concentration of men. Classes on business, investment, and other work skills often attract more men. As for clubs, check your local university or community center for sports clubs, gaming clubs, or other male-centered activities.^{[1]
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Research source}
4
Go online. It's not just for creepy loners anymore: more and more people are meeting their future spouse online. There are free services (like Plenty of Fish) as well as online communities where you can meet someone that meshes well with you or you can pay a small fee to join top-notch services like Match.com.^{[2]
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- You could also go one step further and talk to a matchmaking company. Look for a group that caters to your educational and/or financial background, along with the quality type of person you're hoping to meet.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Louie Felix
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
- As you put yourself out there, try to keep your expectations realistic. Chances are, you aren't going to find someone who has everything you're looking for in a partner.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Louie Felix
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
5
Go to a convention or conference. Whether you're going to the local comics convention or a business conference, you're likely to find plenty of single guys. Do your research before you go, though, so you have something to talk about.
- You may think you don't want a geeky guy, but you're wrong. Geeks love hard and loyally, and tend to be very stable. Give them a chance!
6
Ask your friends. The best way to find a good guy is to simply ask your friends to set you up. Don't feel ashamed or like you failed: most couples meet through friends and good friends will want to see people they like be happy! They won't mind...in fact, they'll probably enjoy the feeling they get from helping people find happiness. Just tell your friends that you're tired of dating duds and ask if they know of anyone that fits the Mr. Right bill. This method can lead you to finding some great guys that you would have otherwise missed or passed over.
- If your friends aren't leading you to good men, you need new friends. Good people associate with good people, and your friends clearly have some character flaws or just don't value your friendship all that much if they're giving you total losers to date.
7
Try your work. Did you know that more than 20% of married couples meet each other at work? If you haven't had a look around the office, give it a go. Meeting someone at work can help you answer some very important questions about a possible partner: someone who is hard working and kind to their coworkers is often great dating material.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Setting Some Standards

1
Look at his priorities. You want Mr. Right to have his priorities in the right order. He should prioritize your happiness over how his friends, coworkers, or family think of him.^{[5]
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Research source} If he's worried because you make him seem less manly or cool, he's not Mr. Right. He should also share your priorities regarding things like work, finances, lifelong education, better himself, etc.
- Life priorities are different for everyone, so it's hard to say which ones he should and shouldn't have. What's important is that his priorities are the same as yours.
- Just remember: you should not expect any more from him than you expect from yourself.
- Ideally, you should both hold similar values and long-term relationship goals.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jan & Jillian Yuhas
  Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
2
Watch how he talks to and about you. When he introduces you to people, does he try to avoid calling you his girlfriend? Is he reluctant to introduce you to his parents, even though you've been dating for quite a while? These are bad signs. You should also watch out for how he talks to you. Is he insulting or does he make you feel bad? Mr. Right does not say hurtful things to you on purpose.
- Sometimes your guy may try to point out some flaws that you have. This can be good or it can be bad, depending on how he does it. If he really is worried about you and he wants to help you better yourself, he'll never pressure you or create an ultimatum.^{[7]
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  Research source} Instead, he'll consider your feelings on the topic and if you want to change then he'll help you find good ways to do it.
- At the end of the day, you should always feel respected and valued around him.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jan & Jillian Yuhas
  Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
3
Make sure his maturity and stability levels match yours. Much like life priorities can differ depending on the person, maturity levels can also be different. Just find what works for you and insist on it. If you like someone that's playful and carefree, then that's fine. But if you need someone that can be a grown-up with you, then you deserve to have that. Don't write it off as boys-will-be-boys. If you feel like you have to take care of him all the time then your relationship will not work in the long run.
4
Feel free when you're with him. When you're with Mr. Right you should feel free.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.} You should feel like it's okay to try new things and explore the world around you. The world should feel full of possibilities. He should encourage you, not hold you back. If he makes you feel fearful or tells you what is and isn't ok, he's not Mr. Right.
5
Expect him to be honest, especially with you. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, regardless of what kind of people you are.^{[10]
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Research source} Accordingly, he should always be honest with you and with other people in his life. He should live honestly so that you never have to have doubts about your life together.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
6
Insist on a faithful man. Once someone cheats on you, trust can never again be regained. There will always be the possibility that he's cheating on you again. This is not something that you want. It makes truly happy relationships almost impossible. Once a guy cheats on you, that's a clear sign to you that you deserve better and you need to leave that relationship.
- If he really loved and respected you, he would have tried to talk to you if he felt he was struggling in the relationship. Don't take his excuses if he says something like, "We were having problems but now I want to fix them."

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Presenting Yourself

1
Respect him and everyone else. When you're trying to woo Mr. Right, you want to show him that you're Ms.-soon-to-be-Mrs. Right. One of the best ways to do this is to show that you are a good person. Show him respect but also, importantly, show respect to others as well. We can tell a lot about a person by how they treat others and if you're kind to the people you don't have to be kind to, that's a good sign.
2
Respect yourself. Mr. Right wants someone who thinks they're worth loving and respecting, so show him you think you're worthwhile by respecting yourself. Don't speak poorly of yourself, speak up for yourself in interpersonal situations, wear clothing that isn't demeaning (too big, too small, to revealing, etc), and practice good hygiene, a healthy diet, and reasonable exercise regimen.
3
Be yourself. Mr. Right isn't really Mr. Right if he doesn't fall for who you are as a person. No matter what, being yourself is the most important thing. If a guy doesn't like you the way you are, he isn't worth the time of day. Let your true passions show through, celebrate your positives and embrace your faults as a person. You should never try to be someone that you're not, since this in unhealthy for you and your relationships.
4
Pursue your passions. A passionate, enthusiastic person is very attractive to just about everyone so engage yourself in pursuing your passions. Do the things that you want to do and get out there to try new things you've always wanted to pick up. Mr. Right will think that this passion is sexy.
5
Communicate clearly and often. Guys find clear communication to be one of the most important skills in a relationship, so show him that you're the safe bet by communicating clearly and often. This is also important because it lets you solve problems in your relationship before they become too big to fix, making your relationship more stable and enjoyable for both of you.
6
Stop playing games. You know the game: you tease him, make him think you're interested, and then act cold or oblivious right after. You carefully meter out when you call him and how much time he can spend with you to make him want more. This is very manipulative behavior and it won't get you the kind of guy you're looking for. Be honest with him and let him know you care. He'll do the same if he's really a good guy.
7
Take initiative. Don't be afraid to take initiative in finding Mr. Right and dating Mr. Right. Ask him out. Choose where you go on dates every now and again. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel. He'll be able to see that you think your relationship is more important than how shy you feel.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Getting Extra Help

1
Get help in helping him love you. Once you fall for him, you're going to want to be sure he loves you just as much, right? It's not as hard as it seems.
2
Learn how to attract a good man. Sometimes it feels like you attract the jerks like flies, while the good guys don't seem to pay any attention. This might be related to how you act! Make some changes and you'll attract the right guys before you know it.^{[12]
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Research source}
3
Get Mr. Right to notice you. Sometimes catching his attention is the real trick. You can take yourself out of the shadows and get up on the pedestal if you try a few simple tricks and work at it.
4
Learn how to win him over. If you want to earn that permanent place in his heart, you're going to have to work pretty hard. It isn't impossible though. Sometimes, you just have to have the perfect show of affection to make him realize you really are The One.

Expert Q&A

Question

What are the qualities of a good life partner?

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the Founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries, and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured on media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both hold a BA in Psychology from The University of Illinois at Chicago and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Adler School of Professional Psychology.

Jan & Jillian Yuhas

Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists

Expert Answer

A good partner will be there for you during times of need and will support your professional and personal goals. He will also implement conflict resolution skills when facing relationship challenges.
Question

How do I know if I am compatible with someone?

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the Founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries, and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured on media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both hold a BA in Psychology from The University of Illinois at Chicago and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Adler School of Professional Psychology.

Jan & Jillian Yuhas

Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists

Expert Answer

Ask yourself if you share similar values and if you can really be yourself around them.

Warnings

Don't act like somebody that you're not. If you find the right guy and he finds out later that you're a complete different person, that won't end up very well.

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