How to Attract Better Men

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: September 2, 2022 References

It’s tempting to give up on dating if you can’t seem to find any good men. When you keep dating dud after dud, it’s exhausting to keep trying. Don’t give up hope, though! There are plenty of ways to improve your personal dating pool, like changing your relationship with yourself, raising your standards, and watching out for red flags. Here are 10 tips to help you get started.

1

Portray the qualities you seek in a man.

Birds of a feather flock together, so be the kind of person you want to flock with. If you want a happy-go-lucky, physically fit, educated man, you should work on being a happy-go-lucky, physically fit, educated woman. You need to become the type of person you want to attract, first and foremost.^{[1]
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- Not only will this attract the right kind of men, but working on yourself will also increase your self-confidence.
- A good rule of thumb is to sporadically “check yourself,” and decide if you would want a man who is doing what you’re doing. In other words, if you’re lying on the couch eating Twinkies and feeling sorry for yourself, decide if you want a man lying on his couch doing the same thing. You’d probably rather have a man who is out, doing something he loves, and feeling great.

2

Carry yourself with confidence.

If you act like you deserve a great man, you will attract great men. This does not mean that you should turn up your nose at every man who you deem unworthy, but rather be picky about who you accept on a romantic level. Be kind, and carry yourself with self-assurance and poise. If you don’t act like you deserve a better man, you probably won’t get one.^{[2]
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- If you carry yourself like the prize that you are, you will be seen as a prize. The best kind of men will be willing to work for you.

3

Invest in yourself.

Take care of yourself, practice self-love daily, and pamper yourself. By taking care of yourself, you’re ensuring that you feel great. When you feel great, you’ll ooze self-confidence and love that is irresistible to good men. If you are investing in yourself, you’ll attract men that want to invest in you as well.^{[3]
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4

Be yourself.

Don’t pretend to be a person that you aren’t, because you won’t be able to keep it up. Imagine falling in love with a man, only to find out a couple of months later that he is not the man he pretended to be. It’s not fun, is it? When you want to attract an authentic man, you need to be authentic yourself.^{[4]
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- By showing your true colors you’ll also immediately weed out the men who wouldn’t be interested in the real, genuine you. If you love to tell cheesy jokes and order two desserts, you might as well do it on the first date!

5

Decide what your deal breakers are.

Never settle for less than want you want and deserve. When you’ve dated duds in the past, you probably found yourself compromising for what you’d accept from them. At first, it seems perfectly fine to overlook certain things they lacked, or make excuses for lackluster behavior. Stop doing this! If you want a better man, stop making excuses for them.
- Note that this doesn’t mean you should reject any man who isn’t a billionaire with a supermodel face and an 8 pack. It means that you have every right to hold out for a man with a stable job, an active lifestyle, a generous spirit, and a sense of humor.
- It’s OK to be picky. There are millions of men in this world, and you can and will find someone who has everything you’re looking for, if they are realistic expectations.

6

Make yourself available to the best kinds of men.

Increase your odds of finding a great man by spending time where they do. If you want a man who spends his time volunteering, you need to get involved with volunteering. If you really want a guy who shares your faith, you need to be attending religious or spiritual events.^{[5]
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Research source} While falling in love can feel like magic, use logic to set yourself up to find it.

7

Create your own independent, fulfilling life.

If you are happily single and satisfied, you don’t need a man to complete you. When you don’t need a man, you won’t settle for just any man who comes along. By staying busy and following your own passions, you’ll naturally up your standards. You’ll only accept a man into your life that will add to it, not fill some sort of void.
- Don’t be so fiercely independent that you refuse to open yourself up to love. It’s important that you can be content and satisfied on your own, but be careful not to completely block yourself off from receiving love.

8

Learn from your past relationships.

If you want a different type of man, you have to seek out a different type of man. Instead of mourning over the time you wasted on less amazing men, take a lesson from it.
- If you never had good luck meeting good men at bars, stop trying to meet men at bars. If you’ve all of your past failed relationships are with bad boys, don’t date bad boys.

9

Listen to your gut.

Your intuition is there for a reason. When you meet the right man, you shouldn’t feel troubled or apprehensive. Don’t ignore your instinct. Every day that you waste with the wrong man is a day that you miss out meeting a better one. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and walk away.^{[6]
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EXPERT TIP

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Think about whether this person is right for you in the long run. Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach, says: "I see a lot of clients where the relationship seems really great, but they know the other person never wants to get married, or doesn't want kids. In those cases, even though the other ingredients are there, I still wouldn't call it a great relationship, because it's hard for either person to feel secure. They can't really open up and get vulnerable, because they know that ultimately, they're not on the same page."

10

Ditch anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.

Good men will never, under any circumstance, pressure you into doing something. In fact, the best kind of men will admire the fact that you know your own boundaries and self-worth and will speak up when you don’t feel right about something.^{[7]
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- If you find yourself having to repeatedly say “no,” he is not the kind of man you want. Move along, and find yourself a better man!