How to Give a Guy an Answer when He Asks You Out

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: May 6, 2022 References

A guy has asked you out, or you know that he's planning to. It's hard to say the right thing, especially if you've never been in this situation before! Whether your answer is 100% "Yes!", absolutely "No.", or a definite "Maybe," you might be wondering what exactly you should say to him. Don't worry—this article breaks down all of the different things you can say depending on what your answer is.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Saying Yes

1
Make sure that you like this guy. Ask yourself whether you are really interested in this guy, or if you're just flattered that he took an interest in you. If you touch base with your feelings and find that you're a wholehearted "Yes!!" on this guy, then feel free to accept his offer. If you're lukewarm about him, but you feel bad saying no, consider whether it will be easier to reject him now or later.^{[1]
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2
Find out what he expects from you. Some guys will ask you out on a first date to a park, a dance, or the movies just to spend time with you and get to know you better.^{[2]
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Research source} Especially if you're in elementary school, middle school, or high school, guys might ask you to be their girlfriend without arranging a "date". This could mean that he wants to eat lunch together, or walk home together, or hold hands, or more. Some guys might just ask you to be their date to a dance or another event.
- Don't be afraid to ask him what he means. If you like him, but he isn't clear about what he wants from you, it is completely your place to inquire further. If he says something as vague as, "Will you go out with me?", you can say, "Sure! What did you have in mind?"
- If it's a group event, make sure that he is inviting you explicitly as his "date". If he invites you along with him and his friends, it probably means that he likes you, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he's asking you to be his girlfriend yet. It might be a way for him to get to know you better, or to gauge whether you like him back before he makes a big move.
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3
Say yes. Your exact response depends on his question. Think about what exactly he is asking you to do, and accept his request if you feel comfortable with it. You can say something like:
- "Yes, I'd love to."
- "Definitely, that sounds great!"
- "Yes, it's a date!"
- "Of course I would."
- "Sure, what do you want to do?"
- "That sounds fun!"
4
Get the details. If the guy asks you out on a first date, make sure that you get the time and place. Figure out whether he is going to pick you up, or whether he plans to meet you there. Find out if it's a group event or just the two of you. Make sure that you're available on that day, at that time, and that you don't have any prior plans.
- You don't need to get the details before you say yes. The point isn't the event – it's that this guy wants to spend time with you. If you want to spend time with him, simply agree to go to the event, and work out the details later.
- Don't be afraid to reschedule if you have a conflict. If you really want to show him that you're interested, offer an alternative. Say, "I'd love to go to the movie with you, but I'm going to a friend's birthday party on Friday night. Could we go on Saturday instead?"

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Saying No

1
Explain your reasons for saying no. Be honest. You don't need to over-justify your decision; it is enough if you simply aren't attracted to this guy. You may be attracted to the guy, but you can't accept his offer for some reason – maybe your friend likes him, or your parents won't let you date, or you don't feel that you're ready for a relationship. No matter the situation, it's important that you are honest with this guy and with yourself.^{[3]
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- If you aren't attracted to the guy, that's all you need to say. Don't be mean about it, and don't insult him. Say, "I like our friendship, but I'm not attracted to you in that way."
- If your friend likes him, do not spill the secret – unless your friend says that it's okay. Just tell the guy that you aren't interested, and don't hint that there is any other reason behind your choice.
- If your parents won't let you date, feel free to be honest with the guy. Be careful, however, about leading him on or giving him hope. If you tell him that you have a huge crush on him, but that you can't date him, you may not stop his advances.
- If you don't feel that you're ready for a relationship, that's okay. You will find someone in your own time, and it will be so much better if your entire heart is in it. This guy might be the first one to ask you out, but he won't be the last.^{[4]
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2
Be clear and straightforward. Don't make excuses, and don't agree to go on a date just to be nice. No doubt, he'd prefer a "yes" over a "no" – but odds are that he'd rather deal with an immediate rejection than force you to go on a pity-date.
3
Be quick about it. Say something simple like, "I'm sorry, but I don't like you in that way." You don't need to explain in great detail why you aren't interested; you just need to get the main idea across. Try not to humiliate him with a long, drawn-out speech.
- If he asks for specific reasons, feel free to explain why you aren't interested. Make sure that you don't let it become a debate, and don't let him talk you into going out with him. Be firm and clear. Do not compromise.
- If you are friends with the guy, you can cite this as a reason. Say, "I love our friendship, but I'm not romantically attracted to you. Can we keep our friendship how it is?"

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Answering When You Aren't Sure

1
Take your time to think it over. If you aren't sure, or if you haven't had much dating experience, you might not be able to give this guy a solid yes or no answer right away. Tell him that you need to think about it, but that you'll give him a definite answer in the next few days. Try not to keep him guessing for too long – if he really likes you, he'll be anxiously awaiting your reply.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Make sure that you give him some sort of answer, even if you just explain why you can't give him a more definite answer yet. It takes courage to ask out someone that you really like, and the least you can do is acknowledge that you're thinking about it. This is especially important if he asks you out via text, email, or instant messaging: if you don't reply, he will have nothing to do but speculate!^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
2
Ask your friends and family for advice. Make sure to only ask people that you trust. Describe the situation, explain why you aren't sure, and weigh out the pros and cons of saying yes or no. Remember: you don't need to take anyone's advice, but it might help you better understand your own feelings. If you don't feel comfortable asking anyone, make a list of the pros and cons and try to decide on your own.
3
Give the guy a clear answer. Try to make your response as close as possible to "yes" or "no", especially if it's conditional. Once you've thought through your choice, get the guy one-on-one and tell him what you've decided. If you can't get him alone face-to-face, send him a text or an instant message.
- You don't need to explain your thought process, especially if had major qualms about going out with this guy. If you're comfortable doing so, however, it might help the guy understand why you took so long to answer him.
4
Take the time to get to know him better. There's no rush. You don't need to date him right this instant; if he respects you, he'll be patient and wait until you feel comfortable.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Tell him, "I like you, but I want to get to know you better before I commit to a relationship. Let's hang out as friends and see what happens."
- If you want to say yes, but are not ready to have a relationship yet, you could say "I want to date you. I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you, but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet." Give him a small peck on the cheek to show you mean it.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it OK if I don't answer him right away?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Totally! You don't have to rush anything if you aren't ready, and there's nothing wrong with telling him you need to think about it for a bit.
Question

I asked a girl out and she said she'll think about it but she hasn't responded. Should I ask again?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Absolutely not. Give her time to think it over and she'll get back to you. If she doesn't, let it go. There are always other fish in the sea!