How to Find Your Christian Soulmate

Last Updated: October 16, 2022 Approved

Finding a Christian soul mate can be easier said than done. Most people rush quickly into new romances without knowing what to look for and what to stay away from. This article is designed to increase your wisdom and discernment on what kind of partner to pursue further.

Steps

1
Find another believer to date. Out of loneliness, it can be tempting to overlook the fact that your new romance is a non-believer. However, keep in mind God's word on this issue, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness" (2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV)?
2
Find a believer who's putting faith into action. Don't just search for someone who claims to be a Christian, search for someone who shows it. Some examples to look for include someone who regularly spends time with God, who attends church regularly and serves the local body of Christ with their gifts.

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3
Search for someone who believes in preserving sex for marriage alone. In our sex saturated culture, this is getting tougher and tougher to find, but it is a clear mandate in Scripture to strive towards. "It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, NIV).
4
Search for someone who has avoided or resolved past traumas or abuse:
- Search for someone who has avoided or healed and/or completed counseling successfully from any past sexual trauma, such as sexual abuse or pornography addiction. Unresolved sexual difficulties can create significant problems in love and marriage.
- Search for someone who strives towards sexual purity by the media consumption they choose for viewing and listening, not seeking tantalizing or anger based entertainment.
- Search for someone who has received healing and/or completed counseling successfully for any past substance abuse and currently has not been addicted to any substances for several years. Similar to past sexual trauma, unhealed substance abuse problems can create significant problems in marriage.
- Search for someone who has received healing and/or completed counseling successfully for any past relational trauma, either from partners or parents. Unhealed relational wounds is bound to show in their dynamic with you and create much strain.
5
Search for someone who ideally had at least one warm attachment with a caregiver growing up. Our early attachments are very powerful and we tend to replicate those attachments with our partner in adulthood. Therefore, the more loving the attachment growing up, the more loving their attachment usually is in marriage.
6
Search for someone who communicates effectively. Search for someone who has that skill including being patient with others, both about day to day thoughts and feelings and during conflict. Effective communication skills are an essential component of successful relationships so finding someone with those abilities is important. Be careful of someone who seems moody or private--as one, possibly, may be covering some problems.
7
Search for someone who owns their brokenness. Find a partner who is able to own their shortcomings without defensiveness. We all have weaknesses and some people admit them and some people don't. Finding someone who admits their weaknesses and sees their part in the problem leads to closer relationships and reconciliation during conflict.
8
Search for someone who has a history of long-term friendships. Having these types of friends will not only tell you about the type of person you are dating but also demonstrate an ability to maintain relationships long-term.
9
Search for someone with whom you have a lot in common. Realize you must fill many hours together, and need to enjoy similar times and means of fun and of seriousness, such as shared responsibilities, house/yard work, hobbies, music, movies, reading and contemplation. Usually, the more couples have in common for the "off hours", the longer they stick together.
10
Go to Church! There are probably other Christians there that you can find.

Community Q&A

Question

How do you find a Christian boyfriend?

Community Answer

Become friends with who you are interested in, and then if he is a truly good Christian (with flaws and all), then he may be the one God has planned for you.
Question

What should I do of my soulmate doesn't have any consistent long term friends?

Community Answer

I would say that this should not be a deciding factor, as it is possible that they may have been excluded, discriminated against, or bullied and this is why they do not have many friends, rather than because of some genuine issue with their personality or how they act. I think that the person who wrote these steps merely said this to avoid you ending up dating someone whom you later find out has an anti-social disorder, who could be abusive, or someone who is not looking for a long-term relationship. Perhaps hold off on dating them until you know them better and are consistent long-term friends yourselves.
Question

Does this still apply if I'm Jewish?

Community Answer

Of course! Anyone can use this, it’s just based on Biblical principles. Most of these are things that many people, regardless of beliefs, can apply and find helpful.