How to Get Over Rejection

Co-authored by Susan Pazak, PhD and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: March 11, 2022 References Approved

Rejection can be completely heartbreaking. When you finally put yourself out there only to be turned down, it can feel extremely difficult – even impossible – to get over. Rejection can make us terrified of taking risks, for fear of shouldering that pain all over again. The truth is, though, the best things in life take a little risk. There are so many simple, effective ways to improve how you get over rejection. For everything you need to know, read on.

1

Remember that rejection is normal.

At some point, every single person you know has faced rejection. It’s natural to worry that our rejections are the result of personal flaws or failures, but the truth is, it happens to everyone. No matter how confident, pulled together, or rejection-proof someone may seem, the experience is just a part of life. So many people have felt exactly how you're feeling right now.^{[1]
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2

Focus on self-care.

Rejection may dredge up bad feelings, but self-care can combat those.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.} You deserve to feel taken care of when coping with rejection, so get the job done yourself! Studies show that when we’re feeling a negative emotion like anger, sadness, or stress, we can reduce those feelings through self-care. This can mean anything, as long as it makes you feel good and distracts from rumination.^{[3]
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- Go for a hike with your favorite snacks and best pal.
- Listen to your all-time favorite album while sitting in the sun.
- Reread a book you love with a bar of chocolate.
- Meditate in a beautiful, outdoor location.

3

Write in a journal to process your emotions.

To truly move on, you’ll have to actively acknowledge your emotions. Keep note of feelings you identify in a notebook. By connecting the thoughts you have to the feelings you experience, you can gain power over them and distance from them.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.} Just remember to avoid judging yourself in the process.^{[5]
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- You may feel so many different things after facing a rejection: embarrassment, jealousy, anger, sadness. At the end of the day, only you can process and make peace with those feelings.

4

Use this as a chance for self-growth.

Reframing rejection in a positive way helps you to reclaim your power.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.} When facing romantic rejection, for example, you could choose to believe that there’s something wrong with you that's unfixable (not very helpful, huh?) Or, you could empower yourself by taking the opportunity to reconsider and improve, which raises your chances of finding love in the future.^{[7]
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- For example, maybe you showed up late to a date and you think that affected your date’s opinion of you. In the future, work on being on time for your dates. This improves your chances of successful dates in the future. Your rejection caused personal growth!

5

Repeat positive affirmations.

Affirmations can boost your self-confidence and mood.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.} One of the most important things you can do when facing rejection is to, simply, cut yourself some slack. You deserve to move past this experience without letting it knock your self-esteem, so invest some time and energy into improving your confidence. Try reciting positive affirmations in the mirror to highlight things you love about yourself.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} For example:
- “I am smart, I am friendly, and I am a hard worker.”
- "I always try be honest and a good friend."

6

Look at the rejection objectively.

Being objective can help you ward off doom-and-gloom thinking. Some people find rejection more painful than others, and that's okay. If that might be you, then it's possible that you're battling worst-case-scenario, obsessive thoughts. Try responding to these thoughts with logic. Make sure you're gentle on yourself in the process.^{[10]
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- Say you get rejected for a job you were excited about. Your next thought may be, “If I didn’t get this job, I’ll have to settle for one I hate. I’ll have no other choice!”
- An objective alternative might be: “There are so many jobs out there I could love, and more are posted everyday. Realistically, I’ll find one I love eventually!”

7

Reflect on your fears.

If you can find the root of your issue, you can address it directly. For each of us, fears surrounding rejection may look and feel a bit different. For instance, you may worry about romantic rejection because you have a fear of abandonment or loneliness. Once you isolate the fear, you can work on defeating it.^{[11]
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- Reflect on which thoughts spur negative feelings. Try hashing it out with a friend or simply pay close attention to your daily thoughts.
- For example, say you get rejected by your dream grad school. You may realize that you’re more worried about feeling insufficient than you are about school. It might help to work on your self-esteem.

8

Challenge self-criticism.

Nipping negative self-talk in the bud will boost your confidence.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.} By talking down to yourself, you’re reinforcing negative self-beliefs. This can a helpless, pessimistic perspective on your own life—making it harder for you to get what you want in the future.^{[13]
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- Imagine you’re consoling someone you love when battling negative self-talk. If they said, "She didn’t like me because I’m weird, and I’ll always be weird," you'd probably say something reassuring like: "You’re amazing! Everybody wants different things, and you have no idea what was going on in her life."
- It can be tough, but if you get through this without letting the experience knock your self-esteem or warp your worldview, you’ll be a happier and more resilient person down the line!

9

Reach out to loved ones for help.

Spending time with people who value you can ease the pain.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.} This can be like a superpower for facing rejection. You’ll have a fun distraction from negative thoughts, you’ll be around people who remind you of how loved you are, and you’ll also gain some healthy perspective. Sure, you faced rejection, but there’s a whole world out there filled with people who care and opportunities at the ready.^{[15]
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- Invite your best mate for a bike ride around the city.
- Call a parent or sibling and enjoy a nice long chat.
- Corral a group of friends and have a picnic in your favorite spot.

10

Keep up healthy habits.

A solid routine can keep your spirits up for the long haul. When facing a challenging experience, our health becomes even more important. With every decent meal, solid sleep, and nice long walk, you’re strengthening your foundation. This boosts your mood and can make you feel more resilient, making it easier to shake off rejection even faster.^{[16]
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- Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night.
- Focus on eating 3 nutritious meals per day.
- Get moving! You can go for a hike, ride a bike, or go for a swim.

11

Keep putting yourself out there.

It's better to try and face rejection than to never try at all. The only way to completely avoid rejection is to never put yourself out there, not in romance, in your career, or in academics. Think of everything you’d miss! The truth is, rejection is just a part of life, and to have a shot at getting the things you want, you’ll have to face it now and again.^{[17]
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12

Reach out to a therapist.

If you're struggling to cope, a professional can help.^{[18]
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Expert Source

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.} Sometimes, your emotions may feel like too much to handle on your own. If that sounds like how you've been feeling, scheduling an appointment with a therapist can be a huge source of relief. Find a therapist through a trusted friend's recommendation or online.^{[19]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you recover from a romantic rejection?

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Dr. Susan Pazak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach. With more than 21 years of experience, she specializes in treating adolescents and adults with psychological issues using cognitive behavioral therapy, symptom reduction skills, and behavior modification techniques. She has been featured in numerous media outlets and shows, including “My Strange Addiction". Dr. Pazak holds a BA in Psychology with a minor in Communications from The University of Pittsburgh, an MA in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University, and a PhD in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University.

Susan Pazak, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach

Expert Answer

Make a list of all your positive qualities and turn them into an affirmation list. You might include things like "I am smart," "I am kind," and "I am fabulous." Meditate on this list in the morning, middle of the day, and at night. As you meditate and affirm yourself, choose to believe that this too shall pass and that someone better is meant for your future.