Once someone's had their trust broken, it takes time and effort before they can trust again. You can't rush in and solve everything for her, but you can encourage her on that journey by showing that you're dependable and caring. Relationships can get stronger through difficulties like this, as long as you both recognize the problem and work through it as a team. Good luck!

This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.

2

Practice active listening.

  1. Listen without focusing on yourself. Communication is super important in a relationship, but that doesn't just mean you talk a lot. Focus on what the other person is saying, wait a moment to process it, and then reply. It's easy to think mainly about your own thoughts and feelings. If you want her to trust you, slow down and actively listen to show that you're worth opening up to.[2]
    • Try repeating what you just heard, for instance: "I'm hearing that you're upset because I was late to our date. Is that right?" This validates the other person's concerns and makes it easy to clear up any misunderstandings.
4

Be honest and vulnerable.

  1. Show that you trust her with your own problems. In the long run, any healthy relationship relies on the ability to talk about difficult subjects. You can't decide when another person is ready to open up, but you can control your end of the conversation. When you're having a tough time, tell her about your fear or pain. And if a problem shows up in your relationship, don't be afraid to bring it up and try to work on it together.[4]
    • Still in the "casual fun" stage of dating? If you're ready for a deeper emotional connection, then at some point you have to make the move—but it's not unreasonable to wait until you're spending time together outside of scheduled dates, and have met each other's friends.[5]
5

Find healthy ways to process disagreements.

  1. Suggest using timeouts or written conversation. Trust issues can make arguments feel overwhelming, and cause someone to run away or shut the conversation down. If this is a problem, talk to her while you're both calm and ask "What would help you to not feel like you have to run away when we have these arguments?" Brainstorm ideas together, and suggest these if they seem helpful:[6]
    • A timeout system: either person can call a timeout to pause the argument and get some space to cool off. That person comes back and starts the conversation again when they're ready.
    • If talking feels too overwhelming, stop and exchange thoughts in writing instead.
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Warnings

  • If you are in a relationship with someone who isn't communicating her feelings, that's an unhealthy dynamic. Since you're reading this, you're already committed to working on the problem, which is great! Stick to that goal, and don't stay in the relationship if the other person is only willing to go through the motions and never properly communicate.[11]
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References

  1. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  2. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  3. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  4. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  5. https://www.ryananswers.com/casual-dating-to-serious-relationship/
  6. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  7. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  8. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  9. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  1. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  2. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.

About This Article

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Written by:
Psychotherapist
This article was written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 21,056 times.
1 votes - 60%
Co-authors: 5
Updated: May 28, 2022
Views: 21,056
Categories: Relationship Issues

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

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