How to Get a Guy to Like You when He's Your Enemy

Co-authored by Nicole Moore

Last Updated: February 28, 2023

Let's say you're strangely attracted to a guy who, ironically, is your enemy. It's possible that it's the fact that he's unobtainable or so darned infuriating that has caused the attraction to arise. Or, it could just be that you've seen through the tough or brusque exterior and have noticed the heart of gold within. Whatever the reason, it's not the most comfortable position to be in, having romantic feelings for someone you're professing to detest, despise and perceive as an enemy. What to do then? Try the following for starters, to start transforming enemy into friend, and perhaps with luck, into a date.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Figuring out your own feelings

1
Consider why you fancy this guy. Is he really your dream guy, the one you'd do anything to get a date with? Be wary of this being about proving something, such as showing this guy that you're irresistible to anyone, no matter who. If you suspect you are only feeling this way to prove a point, back off now. On the other hand, if your feelings are genuine, and you've noticed things about this guy that are calling to you to notice him with affection rather than being mean-spirited toward him, proceed with caution.
2
Talk to a trusted friend. Find out what he or she thinks of your sudden revelation about this guy. It is useful to get perspective from someone whose opinion you trust and consider worthy. This person may make it clearer for you, either way. Make sure to always talk to a "trusted" friend. You don't want word to get around about your crush or even worse end your friendship for that reason!

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3
Dig deep into your own heart. What are you truly feeling? If your heart says that this is worth pursuing, then be prepared for rejection but hope for the best. Realize that this probably isn't going to be easy. If you've been strong enemies for some time, it will take a lot of time, effort and strength on your behalf to make him see you any differently. Accept that it may not work but if you're willing to give it a try, then do so with your eyes wide open.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Chipping away at the enemy problem

1
Get this guy's friends to like you first. Just as a friend though! A guy is much less likely to hit on a girl his friends don't approve of, so this aspect is important. A group of guys is like a wolf pack, they work together and understand each other. The best way to get on his friends' side is by complimenting (not flirting with) and respecting them. Do not go for his best friend first, ever. This is too forward and too close. Try outer ring friends first, and work your way in. Realize that this may take some planning, and when it comes time to make friends, you get one shot, so make it count.
2
Notice his reactions to your friendship with some of his friends over time. There are two ways this could go, and you have no control over it so don't get caught in it:
- Path 1: He hates you so much that he is mad at his friends for hanging out with you that he leaves them, they all get really mad at you, and that's the end of it.
- Path 2: He finally gives in, but doesn't look at you as a friend or enemy. Now he secretly watches you. This is your big chance! Now for the next few weeks, be yourself and be friends with those friends you're now closer to but don't hassle him. Make yourself look good, such as dressing nicely, putting on jewelry, possibly make-up etc. This is usually what gets a guy's attention. Just don't overdo it.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Talking with the guy

1
Try to talk to him when you feel that the ice has started to truly thaw. By this stage, it helps to be friends with most of his friends by now (again, not flirting with anyone but him).
- Don't bother him when he's with his friends. Since he's your "enemy" he'll just act mean to you, and might humiliate you.
2
Walk past him, and start a little chat with him. You can try to bring up something from television or something that happened at school. Get his interest, and try to make him have fun. Offer compliments and aim to become a friend.
- Approach him casually. Try not to do anything stupid around him! Also, try and start a conversation about schoolwork or something else that you think is suitable.
3
Set him straight when you feel the time is right. Tell him how you feel about the enmity and want it to end. Also, let him know you are sad he still has bad feelings toward you. Next, tell him you would like to make up with him by making a deal or a truce.
4
Begin to slowly get closer to him. Flirt just a little, not much yet, and only near him; this must not be directed at anyone else. Stay near him more (if he lets you).

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Moving in for more than friendship

1
Flirt. Usually, a teenage guy doesn't stay mad like girls do, but if he is, try to flirt. Don't try too hard, or else he may spread rumors about you and take advantage of you. A flirty argument will do, but don't overdo it, as it's too easy to turn this into a joke.
- You can flirt with your eyes.^{[1]
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- Look into his eyes and smile for a second, then look away coolly or as if something else more interesting caught your attention.^{[2]
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- It can intrigue him because he may wonder if you were flirting with him or if he just made it up in his head. Repeat this for a week, and he will be more interested in you.
2
Wait for him to ask you on a date. Don't ask him.
3
Date him a few times to work out whether this is the right thing for both of you. If it is, fireworks!
4
Enjoy dating your now-friend-former-enemy. Well done!

Warnings

If he is a bad boy, be careful or you could get hurt.

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Don't dress too flashy or flirt too hard. This is a no-no in getting a guy as well

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Make sure not to jump in too quickly. Remember that if he's your enemy, it'll take some time on both of your parts to get him to start seeing you differently. If you had a small conversation or subtly flirted, that's great! Take it slowly after that, because giving him a huge hug or going up to him in front of his friends could undo all of your hard work.

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