How Often Should You Call or Text When Dating?

Written by Imad Jbara | Edited by Hunter Rising

Last Updated: May 28, 2022 References

If you’re someone who loves to call or text throughout the day, it may be a little bit of a shock if you’re messaging someone who doesn’t communicate as much. While every couple has different preferences for how they stay in touch, there’s some basic texting etiquette you can follow as a baseline. We’ve put together a ton of helpful tips so you can figure out what works best in your relationship!

This article is based on an interview with our professional relationship coach, Imad Jbara. Check out the full interview here.

1

Send them a sweet text in the morning.

Your text will be the first thing your partner sees when they start their day. This works really well if you’re normally awake before your partner so they can wake up to your message. Even if they’re awake before you, your partner will love that they’re the first thing on your mind.^{[1]
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- For example, you could say something like, “Morning sweetie 😊 I hope you slept well,” or, “Rise and shine! I hope you have an amazing day!”
- This can leave a really good impression on your partner if you’re in a new relationship.
- Don’t get discouraged if you don’t wake up to a text from your partner. They might still be sleeping or they may check in later in the day.

2

Try to check in at least once during the day.

Most people expect their partners to message them daily. Choose a time during the day where you know your partner is available so they’re more likely to respond right away. Try asking them how they’re doing, updating them about something that happened to you, or letting them know you’re thinking about them. Even if they don’t have a chance to respond to you, they’ll be happy to see that you messaged them.^{[2]
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Pew Research Center
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- For example, you could send something like, “Hi hi! You’ve been on my mind a ton today 😘 How’s your day going?”
- As another example, you could say, “Hey 😄 my day has been SO crazy so far. I hope your day is doing better than mine!”
- If you’re in a brand new relationship with someone, texting every day might seem a little overbearing. It’s okay to leave a few lulls in the conversation. However, a daily text is expected in a lot of exclusive relationships.

3

Chime in to say goodnight.

Wish your partner sweet dreams so they know you’re thinking of them. If you’re cozied up and ready to go to bed, send your partner one last message for the day. They’ll love that they’re the last person you talked to and thought of before falling asleep. Just make sure you don’t text your partner too late since you could accidentally wake them up.^{[3]
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- For example, you could send something like, “Nighty night hon ❤️ can’t wait to talk to you tomorrow!”
- As another example, you could try, “I’m just about to hop in bed, so goodnight 😘 I hope you have a good rest of your night!”
- If you don’t hear back from your partner at night, they may have just fallen asleep or they’re busy. Look for a text in the morning or try reaching out to them first.

4

Wait about 4 hours before double texting.

This helps remind your partner to respond to an earlier message. There’s a chance your partner missed your last message if they were busy with something else. After a few hours, it’s okay to send another message even if they didn’t reply to your first text. That way, you let your partner know you’re still thinking of them but aren’t acting too pushy.^{[4]
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- Try to restart the conversation rather than saying a sarcastic and insensitive comment like, “Wow good convo.”^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Christina Jay, NLP
  Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 3 March 2021.}

5

Give your partner time to respond.

Sending too many messages might make you seem anxious. A wall of text might be overwhelming for your partner to see. While a double text is fine after the first few hours, wait until your partner replies before sending any other messages. It may be a few hours or days for a casual relationship, but it’s probably going to be within the day if you’ve been together for a while. Try to distract yourself with something else in the meantime to take your mind off of your conversation.^{[6]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- Give your partner the benefit of the doubt if they don’t reply right away. There’s a chance that they really are busy and weren’t able to check their phone.

6

Match your partner’s texting speed.

If they take a few hours to reply, you can wait the same amount of time. At the start of a relationship, you might both eagerly text back and forth without a break. As you get more comfortable in the relationship, it’s normal for texting to slow down. As long as your partner doesn’t bring up any time-sensitive questions, it’s okay to reply later.^{[7]
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- Try to write your texts so they’re about the same length as your partner’s too. That way, you can keep the conversation going rather than using one-word replies.^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Imad Jbara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.}
- Your texting speed might vary depending on how far you are in the relationship. If you’re in something brand new or pretty casual, you may have a few days in between messages. If you’re long-distance or have been together for a while, you might communicate more frequently to stay in touch.

7

Ask if they’re available to talk before calling.

That way, you won’t interrupt anything important your partner is doing. If you’d rather hear your partner’s voice, send them a text asking what they’re up to and that you’d like to call them. That way, your partner has a chance to let you know that they’re busy without causing too much a distraction.^{[9]
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- For example, you could say, “Hey, do you have time for a quick call? I just want to go over our plans this weekend.”
- As another example, you could say something like, “I have a question but it’s a little confusing to type out. Can I call you?”

8

Save serious topics for phone calls.

It’s easier to read someone’s emotions when you can hear them. The meaning of a text might get lost over text since your partner could interpret your words differently. Rather than making them confused, pick up the phone and call them to talk about the topic. You also won’t have to wait for a response from them so you can address the issue right away.^{[10]
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9

Tell your partner how you want to communicate.

Clear expectations prevent either of you from feeling hurt later on. Some people like texting and calling more than others, so it’s completely normal if your partner has different views. Sit down with them and let them know how often you’d like to text and call so you can be on the same page. Work on coming to a compromise that works well for both of you to help you communicate better.^{[11]
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- For example, if you like to text a lot throughout the day but your partner doesn’t, your compromise may be sending 1 message every 4 hours or so.
- Talk about your schedules so you can plan texting and calling around when you’re busy.

10

Let your partner initiate the conversation sometimes.

This helps keep the conversation balanced. If you’re really excited to talk to your partner, you can still be the one who starts the conversations. However, they should be just as excited to talk to you too! Give your partner some time without messaging them so they’re encouraged to reach out to you first.^{[12]
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- You can also mention that you want your partner to start conversations more when you talk about how you want to communicate.

11

Move on if they’re ghosting you.

You deserve someone who wants to put energy toward your relationship. Even though everyone has different expectations, waiting for days or weeks for a reply could be a sign they’re playing mind games or not interested. It’s normal to feel hurt if someone doesn’t reach out to you, but you deserve someone who will openly communicate and feel excited when they chat with you.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.}

Warnings

Purposefully leaving someone on read without replying could be a turn off since it makes it seem like you’re playing mind games.^{[15]
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