How to Know That a Girl Hates You

Last Updated: April 29, 2022 References

The only way to truly know if someone hates you is to have them tell you so, but there are some definite things that can give you an idea. Body language is incredibly important to pay attention to and so are the words and the tone of voice a girl uses.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Learning Physical Cues

1
Read her face. Although this isn't a perfect method, a lot of what people feel is expressed in their face. Faces can show a lot. She might always squint her eyes when angry, so if she does whatever physical action that you know she does in a certain mood that is most definitely helpful. There are lots of other different things you can look for. Usually, just having one of these won't mean that the girl hates you, but having more than one can indicate that there is dislike on her part.^{[1]
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- Crinkling her nose could be an expression of disgust at your presence (unless, of course, there is a bad smell).
- Narrowed eyes, or eye rolling when you're around (especially if you're speaking).
- If she doesn't make eye contact with you that could mean she is shy, but it could also be an indicator of dislike.
2
Look at her body language. Body language is another good indicator, although you have to remember that it is not an exact science. Look at what she is telling you in how she physically reacts to your presence. It can tell you a lot about how she's feelings about you.^{[2]
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- Arms crossed over the chest is often considered a closed off gesture. There's a possibility if she stands or sits with her arms crossed across her chest when she's around you that she's trying to keep away from you. Of course, some people simply stand that way, so the gesture, taken by itself, might not mean anything.
- Another good thing to look for is if she's consistently turning away from you. If she's not meeting your eyes and angling her body in a direction away from you, it could be that she wants you to leave her alone and she's seeking some way to escape from you.
- Keep in mind that there aren't any universal, definitive body language cues that can tell you what a girl is thinking. Some women are proactive, while others are simply more passive or reserved.
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3
Notice how her friends act. Chances are, if she hates you, she'll have told her friends so. They'll be looking to protect her (because they will be on her side). Watching how her friends behave towards, like if they ignore you when you try to talk to them, you will give you a pretty good indication of her feelings.^{[3]
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- If you both are at a party and you are trying to get across to her, but keep finding her friends running interference and stopping you from talking to her, that's a pretty good sign that she wants nothing to do with you.
- If you two are somewhere by yourselves and her friends keep popping to drag her away, or interrupt, that's another pretty good sign that she might dislike you and her friends are trying to protect her from having to be around you.
- If you see her smirking and laughing with her friends while looking at you, that's another good sign that there's some dislike on her side. Of course she might not be looking at you, but if it happens consistently, and with the other signs, that's a pretty clear signal of dislike.
4
Notice how she behaves towards you. Obviously there is more to her behavior than just her body language. Her actions will also help you figure out how she's feeling about you and whether she hates you.
- Every time you try to talk to her, she pulls a Houdini and disappears. This means that the minute you try to speak to her, she's managed to be somewhere else. Now, if this only happens once or twice that doesn't mean anything, but if it happens more than that, it's likely that she doesn't like you, or is upset about something.
- She never answer when you call or text. This is a big one, because it's pretty easy to shoot back even a quick text in reply, but if she never replies to you, or if she replies only in one word answers, that's a good sign that something in up.
5
Notice how she behaves about shared plans. If the two of you have made plans together, even simple things like a coffee shop study session, or other and she always manages to hedge about meeting you for the plans, that's a good sign that she doesn't want to spend time with you.
- If she blows off plans by not showing up and doesn't say anything, or apologize, again she probably doesn't want to spend time with you.^{[4]
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- If she's constantly 'forgetting' plans, then she isn't wanting to spend time with you. Some people are pretty flaky, but not that flaky.
- Remember, this doesn't necessarily mean that she hates you. You might annoy her by pestering her to do things with you, or she might be completely indifferent to you.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Learning Verbal Cues

1
Listen to her tone of voice. Tone of voice is a huge indicator of someone's feelings. It doesn't matter what they are saying, because people lie or say things they don't mean all the time, but the feelings often come through how she says things.
- Using a flat tone of voice when she talks to you means she's probably not that keen on the conversation (unless of course, she always speaks in monotone). Usually when a girl is with someone she likes, there will be inflections in her voice.
- Sarcasm can be a great way for her to tell you that she doesn't like you without actually having to do so. It's all about the inflections in her voice. If she says something like, "That'd be fun" if you ask her out to coffee, notice how she says it. Couple this with facial expressions and body language and you should get a pretty good idea how she's actually feeling.
2
Notice what words she uses. The words she uses can often tell you how she's feeling, even if she doesn't come right out and say, "I hate you" (since few people actually do that). However, if she is saying, "I hate you" and she's serious about it, that's another great sign that she does, indeed, hate you.
- If she's replying to your questions and conversation with one word answers, either you're talking way too much, or she's not very interested in having this conversation.
- If she never initiates conversation and it's always you doing the talking, again she's probably not that interested in talking with you. Although, it doesn't necessarily mean she hates you it is unlikely that she likes you.
3
Find out if she's talked about you to other people. Even though she might not have told you directly that she hates you, it's likely that she's told other people, like her friends, or even some of her acquaintances. Ask around to see what she's been saying (if anything) about you.
- The best people to ask are her friends. Although it might be difficult to talk to one of them alone, if you have the chance simply ask the friend if everything is okay between you and the girl and if there's anything you did wrong. If you're polite about it, chances are the friend will be more likely to tell you.
- Just remember that whatever people tell you will be skewed by their own interpretations and so shouldn't be your only evidence that she hates you.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Turning Her Dislike Around

1
Give her space. If someone hates you, it's a good idea to give them some time and space to cool off. If you're constantly around her, she's probably going to start hating you even more. Giving her space, can even remind her why she liked in you the beginning (if she did).
- This means don't pester her with invites to go places, or ask her why she's mad at you. Just let it be for a while.
- There is not proper amount of time to wait. You'll have to use your judgment, but depending on how deep the hatred goes, it could be anywhere from a few weeks to a year.
2
Examine your actions. People don't just start hating someone without some sort of cause, whether you feel it's legitimate or not. Think about how you've acted towards her and try to determine what might have caused her to feel the way she's feeling.
- Think about things you said. It could even be something as simple as a joke that she took the wrong way. Or it could be that your way of showing like for her is to ridicule her and tease her (the pulling pigtails on the playground thing).
- Perhaps she feels that you're suffocating her with your attention. If you're always around her trying to talk to her, it could get on her nerves. In which case you're best off giving her space.
3
Apologize. Even if you don't feel you've done anything wrong, but you like this girl and you want her to stop hating you, you have to apologize. Don't try to tell her to 'lighten up' or 'can't you take a joke?' and especially never ever do the faux apology 'I'm sorry you felt that way.'^{[5]
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- It's best to apologize in private. Having an audience might force one or both of you to act in a certain way that you wouldn't in private.
4
Be courteous. A good way to show her that you're wanting reconciliation and that you're worth reconciling with, is to be courteous to her, even as she's hating you. You'll show that you're a good enough person to take the high road and not get sucked into the potential drama.
- So when you see her around, say hello and ask how's she's doing. Leave it at that. Just enough interaction to show that you care and are interested in her well being and not enough interaction to get on her nerves.
5
End the relationship. At a certain point you can't keep trying to have a relationship (whether in a friend way or a romantic way) with someone who consistently hates. There could be good reason for her hatred or no reason at all. The best thing for you to do if you've tried the other steps and failed is to end the relationship.
- If you've tried apologizing and giving her space, and being courteous and nothing has worked to get her to change her mind, continuing to try is just going to be unhappy business for both of you. Walk away.
- Remember, it doesn't matter what she did, or said, or anything, you're going to have to be the better person in this instance. So don't start badmouthing her to other people. If people notice the friction between the two of you, and ask about it, simply say, "That's between the two of us."

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you know if a girl likes you but is hiding it?

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Invite her on a low-stakes date, like getting together for coffee or brunch. If the coffee or brunch date goes smoothly but still leaves things unclear, you can directly ask if she'd like to go on a date with you.

Warnings

Most of the time, somebody won't out-and-out tell you if you ask. It's just not polite. They will say it behind your back.

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