How to Know if It Is Okay to Hug Someone

Co-authored by Tami Claytor

Last Updated: January 7, 2023 References

Hugging is a common way of greeting and relating to other people at social events and at work. Unfortunately, the social etiquette of hugging can be difficult to learn because there are a lot of nuances. You need to observe the other person's body language, emotion, and listen attentively for cues about whether they want a hug or not. In general, you can learn the etiquette of hugging by observing friends, family and workplace culture, following a few simple rules and asking whether someone needs a hug.

Things You Should Know

When in doubt, ask the other person if you can give them a hug.
If you know the other person well and you have the kind of relationship where you hug one another all the time, go ahead and just go for it.
If they decline your offer (either by saying no or pushing you back), let it go and don’t take it personally—a lot of people don’t find hugs comforting when they’re in distress.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Evaluating a Situation

1
Observe their body language. Look at whether their feet are pointed towards or away from you. See if they are leaning back and distancing themselves from your or leaning in towards you. If their body language indicates a need for distance, you should not try to hug them. However, if they look like they want to hug you and you feel comfortable offering a hug, go ahead and give them a hug.^{[1]
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- If it is a client and they look like they want to hug, let them initiate it.
- If it is a relative you rarely see, you could observe how other relatives relate to them and then follow their example. If other friends and family members seem to be hugging them and they lean in, you could go for the hug.
2
Ask them if they need a hug. If your friend, family member or colleague looks very sad or has just received some bad news and you would like to comfort them, you could ask them if they would like a hug. If you are close to this person, they may appreciate the offer and take you up on it. Simply ask them and respond accordingly:^{[2]
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- “Do you need a hug?”
- “I'm so sorry to hear you had to experience that. Can I give you a hug?”
- “I'm here anytime you need a hug or a warm cup of tea. Just let me know.”
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3
Look at what the person in front of you is doing. If you are at a social event such as a conference, wedding or graduation, you could observe whether other people are hugging. For instance, if there is a line up of people offering congratulations to somebody who won an award, you could observe how people in front of you are relating to the winner. If they are hugging, it may be okay for you to also hug.^{[3]
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- If you are not sure, observe their body language or explicitly ask them.
- If you are in the receiving line at a wedding, you may be expected to hug the bride and groom. See what people in front of you are doing.^{[4]
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4
Give new friends lots of personal space. If you are just starting to make friends with someone, it is usually best to give them plenty of space. Once you have a better sense of the amount of personal space they like to maintain with other friends, you can make better decisions about when a hug is appropriate.
- If your new friend is quite obviously a hugger and you are fine with it, you may be able to move from handshakes to hugs very quickly.
- If your new friend prefers to maintain a lot of personal space, you could stick to handshakes in most situations.
5
Wait to see what they do. If you are not sure whether to give a handshake or a hug at a social event, wait to see what the other person starts to do when they are walking towards you. If they start stretching out their hand, you can put out your hand for a handshake. However, if they lean to the side, they may expect a hug. Follow their body language to determine whether or not to hug.
6
Respect personal boundaries in courtship. It can be hard to determine when a hug is okay during courtship. The most important thing is to talk and respect personal boundaries, including in relation to hugs. For instance, you could simply ask your date if they would like a hug.
- You could also observe their body language, which may indicate a desire for a hug if they come to you with open arms or lean to the side during a greeting.
- If your first date went well, you could start your second date with a warm hug.^{[5]
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- A hug at the beginning of a date can relax both parties and help break down barriers.^{[6]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Hugging in the Workplace

1
Consider workplace culture. You should observe the culture of your current workplace. If it is a large company with many employees, hugging may be relatively rare. In contrast, if it is a small organization with many female employees, there may be relatively more hugging. See what your colleagues are doing and try to fit in.^{[7]
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2
Give someone a hug to celebrate good news. If a colleague or friend has just received great news such as a winning scholarship or winning the lottery, it could be appropriate to give them a hug. If you are close with them and it looks like they want to share the joy of their news, consider giving them a hug.^{[8]
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3
Give someone a hug if they just had some bad news. If someone at work just received some very bad news such as a death in the family or serious financial loss, you could offer a hug. See if they need a hug. You could say:^{[9]
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- “I'm so sorry to hear the news. Do you need a hug?”
4
Exercise caution with workplace hugs. You should generally follow a cautious approach with workplace hugs, especially if there is any sexual tension or if there are large power differences at play. If you are not sure whether to hug someone in a particular situation, it is safest not to hug.^{[10]
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5
Exercise caution when hugging the opposite sex at work. Generally, it is best to avoid hugging the opposite sex at work. However, if you have formed a professional relationship with a colleague and there is no risk of them confusing the intention of the hug, it can be fine to hug a colleague of the opposite sex.^{[11]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Avoiding Common Mistakes

1
Avoid hugging complete strangers. Generally, you should not hug complete strangers. Hugging is generally between friends, family members, lovers, colleagues or other people who know each other. However, if you are offered a hug by a complete stranger who is part of the “free hugs” campaign, you can decide whether to take them up on the offer.^{[12]
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- The “free hugs” campaign tries to increase communication and intimacy in society by offering hugs to strangers. You will see people with signs saying “free hugs” in public squares and streets. They may ask you if you want a free hug and you are free to accept or decline.
2
Avoid hugging if you are contagious. It is bad protocol to hug colleagues when you have a cold, flu or any other contagious disease. You will make them sick and they will likely resent you for it. Likewise, you should avoid hugging anybody at work who is sick, since they could be contagious.^{[13]
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- You could offer to blow them a kiss, wave in their direction, or elbow bump instead.^{[14]
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  Expert Source
  
  Tami Claytor
  Etiquette Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
3
Don't hug anyone you are having an affair with at the workplace. Obviously, if you are having a covert affair with someone at work, it is wise not to reveal the affair by offering an overly intimate hug.^{[15]
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4
Don't hug a select few in a group meeting. If you are in a meeting with one or two people who are good friends or close colleagues and a bunch of other people you know less well, you should avoid hugging your friends and shaking everyone else's hands. Instead, you could go for drinks or dinner with your friends afterwards, at which time it could be fine to offer a hug.^{[16]
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5
Don't hug anyone you supervise. If you are in a social or workplace situation with an employee or someone you supervise, you should avoid assuming too much intimacy. Hugging somebody you supervise or who works for you in any capacity is likely crossing a boundary.^{[17]
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Community Q&A

Question

Is it weird for a guy to hug someone else? Like, if one of my acquaintances is really sad and I want to hug them, can I? Or is it more acceptable for a woman to do so?

Community Answer

It depends on the person and the type of relationship you have with them, but generally this should be avoided with mere acquaintances. Many men are uncomfortable with getting that kind of affection from other men. Meanwhile, women might see it as a crossing of boundaries. Both genders can be uncomfortable with the same thing from a female acquaintance as well, though the discomfort level may be lower due to women generally being expected to be more friendly and nurturing than men (so it's more in line with gender norms and less potentially weird/suspicious).
Question

I want to hug my male friend (I am also a guy) but I'm not sure when to ask him. I've known him for over a year and ever since the day I met him I've want to give him a hug so bad but had to work to it, what should I do?

Community Answer

Most men have no problem with getting a hug from another guy, especially if it is under the right circumstances. That said, if you are romantically interested in him, you should talk to him about that.
Question

I recently had a group of neighbours, all women, over. I greeted each with a hug at my door. What does this say about me?

Community Answer

It says that you are caring, affectionate, and enjoy physical touch. All of this is fine unless someone dislikes being hugged, but they should say so in advance (if they don't, you cannot be responsible for crossing into their space but you'll know next time.)