12 Definite Signs You're in an Exclusive Relationship

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Christopher M. Osborne, PhD

Last Updated: March 19, 2022

We can all agree that it’s awkward to have “the talk” to figure out if you’re now exclusive with the person you’re dating. And while it’s a really good idea to have that talk at some point, there are definitely clues about exclusivity that you can keep an eye out for. Check out the full list of exclusive dating signs we’ve compiled below—along with some advice on having “the talk” when you’re ready!

1

Their interest in flirting with others has decreased.

If they’re focused on dating you, they’ll (mostly) ignore others. It’s a sliding scale here, depending on how flirty they are in the first place. But, if the person you’re dating sees themself as dating you exclusively, they’ll definitely be checking out potential alternatives less often.^{[1]
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- If, for example, you’re dating a guy who’s super flirty by nature, don’t expect him to just stop cold. But he’ll probably turn it down a notch or two!

2

They really zone in on you when you’re together.

Watch for positive body language and active listening. If they’re really into you, they’ll naturally do things like turn their whole body toward you, make frequent eye contact, and mirror your hand gestures. They’ll also make a more concerted effort to listen carefully and closely to what you have to say.^{[2]
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- If you’re getting these signals, there’s a good chance the other person wants to date you exclusively. If you’re not getting these signals, there’s not much of a chance.

3

They communicate with you pretty much every day.

They’ll get in touch when they don’t really need to—because they want to. If the person you’re dating is also dating (or looking to date) other people as well, they probably won’t have enough time or motivation to get in touch with you frequently. So if you’re getting regular messages from them, that’s definitely a good sign that they’re focused on you.^{[3]
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- It’s a particularly strong sign if they often contact you “just because”—for instance, texting you about random observations instead of just to set up your next date.

4

They prioritize you on their social calendar.

Take note if they rearrange their schedule so they can see you. “Exclusive” and “priority” usually go hand-in-hand. If the person you’re seeing builds their social calendar around your availability, that’s a strong sign that you’re both a priority and exclusive. That might not be the case if they’re squeezing in dates with you around pickup basketball games and chill sessions with their friends.^{[4]
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5

They’ve stopped using dating sites.

You might have to do some sleuthing to uncover this sign. That said, you don’t have to invade their privacy by snooping on their phone. Instead, try techniques like the following:^{[5]
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- Create profiles on popular dating sites and search for them.
- Do reverse image searches for their favorite selfies.
- Try to create accounts on popular dating sites with their email address. They’ll typically let you know if that email is already in use.
- If they use the same username for pretty much everything, enter it into search engines and check the results.
- Use a paid app like Cheatbuster or Spokeo to search for active profiles in their name.
- Just ask them!

6

They’ve introduced you to close friends or family.

This usually means they’re starting to think longer-term. The person you’re dating really values the opinions of these people. So, they’re either A) really confident that friends or family will agree you’re great, or B) not quite sure yet and seeking advice from trusted sources. In either case, this almost certainly means that their dating life is now centered completely on you.^{[6]
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- Even if they haven’t introduced you in person to friends and family, watch for changes in their social media profiles.
- If they make your relationship “official” online by posting about you and showing pics of you guys together, that’s a modern way of “introducing” you to their friends and family.

7

You have an assumed date every weekend.

This means you’re both focused on developing your relationship. Sometimes it happens so subtly you don’t even notice: your conversations turn from “Do you want to do something this Friday night?” to “What do you want to do this Friday night?” But this is a strong indication that you’re now dating exclusively!^{[7]
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- It’s possible to not be on the same page here, however. If, for example, you assume you have the every-weekend date but they come up with last-minute excuses, they may not be as ready as you are to date exclusively.

8

You’ve been on a romantic getaway together.

People typically don’t take this step until they’re exclusive. It’s true that some people might use this tactic to help them get to know someone better before deciding to date exclusively. But it’s usually safe to view this as a big relationship step that doesn’t happen while one or both of you is still “playing the field.”^{[8]
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- Even if the getaway isn’t particularly romantic, the act of getting away together is still a strong signal.
- For instance, instead of going away to a charming bed and breakfast on the lake, you might go together to a comic book convention in the city for the weekend.

9

You use terms like “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” and “we.”

At this point you view yourselves as a couple, not just dates. And being a couple usually means being an exclusive couple—or at least it should, unless you’ve openly discussed your expectations for each other. Otherwise, most people won’t call you their boyfriend or girlfriend while they’re still “on the market.”^{[9]
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- This is another change that can happen subtly: you might go from saying “this is my date Ben” to “this is my boyfriend Ben” without realizing it.

10

You keep stuff in each other’s homes.

The more personal the stuff, the stronger the signal. Keeping personal items like toothbrushes at each other’s places is a solid sign, but a toothbrush is also easy to leave behind. The strongest signal comes from leaving personal items that are meaningful and not easy to replace—a favorite sweater, an important book, and so on.^{[10]
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- Keep in mind that forgetting stuff at the other person’s place isn’t quite the same as deliberately keeping it there!

11

You’ve had an argument, resolved it, and kept dating.

Making this effort shows you’re both focused on growing your relationship. Conflict is an inevitable part of every relationship, but an argument might be an excuse to “jump ship” if one or both of you are weighing other options. The fact that you’ve had the argument and gotten through it means you both see promise in the relationship and want it to keep developing.^{[11]
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- So, even though it’s no fun to have a fight, remember that having the fight and resolving it is a healthy sign!

12

You’ve had “the talk” and agree you’re exclusive.

This is the only way to be sure you’re on the same page. Yes, it can be awkward, but so is finding out the hard way that only one of you believes you’re dating exclusively. There’s no set right time to have this conversation—after five dates or something like that—so trust your instincts about when it feels appropriate.^{[12]
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- Have “the talk” in person. Choose a time when you’re both calm, focused, and able to listen and share fully.
- Explain your perspective: “I really like you, and I’d like to see where things go with us, so I’ve decided to date you exclusively.”
- Ask them to share their perspective: “Do you feel the same way about dating exclusively?”
- Accept their response. No matter how they answer the question, treat it as valid and continue the conversation.