How to Live a Life of Celibacy

Co-authored by Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: February 12, 2022 Approved

Living a life of celibacy can be hard at times, but it’s also rewarding. Whether you’re celibate by choice or circumstances, it’s possible to live a healthy, fulfilling life without sexual activity. Start by embracing a celibate lifestyle to strengthen your resolve. Then, learn ways to avoid temptation to help you stay strong. If you’re pursuing a relationship or are already in one, talk to your partner about your celibacy and find other ways to connect with them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Embracing a Celibate Lifestyle

1
Decide what living a celibate life means to you. Celibacy generally means abstaining from sexual activity, but you might interpret this differently from others. Think about what you consider to be part of your celibate lifestyle and why you’re doing it. This will help you stick to your celibacy commitment.^{[1]
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- For instance, you may be celibate for life as part of your spiritual practice, you might be celibate for a set period of personal development, or you may be celibate until marriage. In some cases, you may be involuntarily celibate because you’re ill, between partners, or physically incapable of having sex.
- Similarly, you may want to avoid any intimate physical contact, including kissing, snuggling, or sexual touching. However, you might be okay with these actions.
2
Recognize the benefits of being celibate to strengthen your resolve. Being celibate can get difficult at times, but reminding yourself of its benefits can help you stay strong. Typically, you’ll have more focus when you’re celibate. Plus, you’ll likely feel more spiritual if you’re being celibate because of your faith. Additionally, there are a few health benefits of being celibate:^{[2]
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- You aren’t at risk for an STD.
- You won’t experience an unplanned pregnancy.
- You don’t have to groom your body hair as often.
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3
Identify why being celibate is important to you. Living a celibate life will be easier if you know why you’re doing it. Make a list of the reasons why you want to be celibate. Then, use this list to help you stick to your commitment.^{[3]
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- You might write down, “More time to focus on myself,” “Spiritual growth,” and “Avoiding pregnancy.”
Variation: You may be living a celibate life due to reasons beyond your control. For instance, you may be with a partner who can’t have sex or you may not have a partner. In this case, celibacy may not be important to you, which is okay.
4
Use masturbation for sexual release if you think it’s okay. If you’re staying celibate for spiritual reasons, you might be avoiding masturbation, as well. However, masturbation can be very helpful if you’re involuntarily celibate. When you’re alone, relieve your sexual urges by masturbating.^{[4]
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- If you want to have sex but aren’t, masturbating can help you relieve stress and feel better.
- It’s not necessary to masturbate if you feel like it’s wrong.
5
Work with a therapist if you’re struggling with involuntary celibacy. While you can live a happy and fulfilling celibate life, it can be hard to deal with celibacy that isn’t your choice. It’s totally normal to want sex and feel frustrated if you can’t have it. If you’re struggling to cope with involuntary celibacy, talk to a therapist about what you’re going through. They can help you release your emotions, change your thoughts, and discover new coping strategies.^{[5]
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- Ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist or look for 1 online.
- Your therapy appointments may be covered by your insurance, so check your benefits.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Avoiding Temptation

1
Stay away from situations that trigger your temptation. You’re likely going to feel tempted sometimes, and that’s okay. Take note of the situations that trigger your sexual urges or tempt you to break your vow. Then, do your best to stay away from these situations.
- For instance, you might stay out of bars if you tend to go home with someone. Similarly, you may decide not to be alone with someone you find sexually attractive.
2
Establish a new routine that supports your celibate life. This is especially important if you’re new to living a celibate life. Adopt new habits that support your goal of staying celibate so that you’ll be less tempted. Use these habits to replace your old habits, which could lead you into temptation.
- For example, you might start your day with prayer or meditation so you feel spiritually energized. After work, you might add exercise to your day to help you release energy and avoid activities you used to do. In the evening, you might work on a hobby or read a book instead of watching TV shows that make you think of intimate relationships.
3
Focus your attention on something that’s important to you. After you become celibate, you’ll likely have a lot more mental energy since you’re not thinking about sex. Additionally, having a focus or goal can help you keep your thoughts off sex. Pick a goal, hobby, or interest that’s important to you. Then, dedicate your mental energy to that passion.^{[6]
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- For example, you might focus on your spiritual growth if you’re celibate because of your faith. Otherwise, you could focus on your career, your education, or a goal that you have for your future, like writing a novel.
4
Use mindfulness to help you deal with temptation. Being mindful means keeping your focus on the present moment. This is a great way to help you stop sexual thoughts that are bothering you. To use mindfulness, take a deep breath to center yourself. Then, engage your 5 senses to root yourself in the moment.
- List the things that you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. You might say to yourself, “I see a brightly lit room with photos on the wall. I hear music from the next room. I feel cool air from the air conditioner. I smell and taste my strawberry lip balm."
5
Find friends who support your celibate lifestyle. It may be hard for your sexually active friends to understand why you want to be celibate. Connecting with others who live a celibate life will help you find understanding and advice. Look for friends who live near you, or reach out to people online. Then, talk to them regularly so you feel like you have a support system.^{[7]
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- You may be able to find a celibate group online through Meetup.com or Facebook groups.
6
Release your built up energy through exercise. You may have excess physical energy from being celibate. Engaging in daily exercise can help you release this built-up energy. Choose an exercise that’s fun and easy for you to do so you’ll stick with it.^{[8]
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- For example, go for walks, run, or join a local gym.
- Avoid exercises that make you come into close contact with others, like dancing, wrestling, or some team sports. These might be too stimulating for you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Having a Relationship

1
Tell potential partners before you start a relationship with them. Some people don’t want to remain celibate while in a relationship, so it’s important to find out how someone feels before you develop feelings for them. Inform your potential partners on the first date that you’re currently celibate. Then, tell them if this is a lifelong choice or if you’re planning to have sex after marriage.^{[9]
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- You might say, “Being celibate until marriage is really important to me,” or “Because of my injury, I’m living a celibate lifestyle.”
Variation: If you already have a partner, discuss your decision with your partner before you commit to a life of celibacy. Explain your reasons to them, and expect for it to take time for them to accept your decision. In some cases, your partner may not want to remain celibate. You may need to reach a compromise with them. For instance, they may agree to support your celibate life, and you might agree that it's okay for them to masturbate regularly.^{[10]
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2
Focus on creating a meaningful connection with someone. Feeling connected to someone is a form of intimacy that can replace sexual activity. Open up to people you care about so you’re vulnerable with them. Then, listen attentively to what they say to you. This will help you form deeper connections with them.^{[11]
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- When someone is talking to you, don’t think about what you’re going to say back to them. Give them your full attention. Then, paraphrase what they said back to them so they know you were listening.
3
Find new ways to show your love to your partner. Having sex isn’t the only way to be intimate with someone. You can kiss, hug, snuggle and hold hands. Additionally, you might cook for them, do favors for them, or buy them gifts. Create new ways to show your partner that you love them without getting physical.^{[12]
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- Think about the things your partner likes. For instance, you partner may love back rubs and when you help with chores.
- Talk to your partner about how you can show your love to each other. This will help you stay on the same page. You might say, “I love you so much, and I want to prove my love every day. What can I do to make you happy?”
4
Consider couple’s counseling to help maintain a sexless relationship. Being in a sexless marriage can be difficult if you really want sex from your partner. However, your marriage can still stay strong. To help you and your partner get through this, try attending couple’s counseling to help you both move forward. This will help you discuss your feelings, deal with the changes in your marriage, and decide how to move forward.^{[13]
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- Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist or look for 1 online.
- Your therapy may be covered by insurance, so check your benefits.

Community Q&A
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Question

Is it healthy to be celibate?

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It can be, but it depends on the person and how you approach it. Celibacy won’t hurt your physical health, but some people find it distressing. If you’re someone with a high sex drive, celibacy may be especially difficult for you. Find balance in your life by focusing on other things you find fulfilling, like your career, family, hobbies, or friends.
Question

Does celibacy include kissing?

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There are many different definitions of celibacy, just like there are different definitions of sex. You will need to find the definition that best suits your needs and goals. For example, some people might define it as a complete absence of intimate contact (including kissing and touching), while others might use it just to refer to abstaining from sex (such as penetrative or oral sex). If you find that kissing makes it too tempting to move on to more obviously sexual activities, then you might have to stay away from it.
Question

Is it possible to live a celibate life?

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Yes, definitely. However, depending on your natural sex drive, you may find it difficult to maintain. Before committing to a life of celibacy, consider your reasons for wanting to be celibate and how you think it will impact your life. If sex is something you really desire, you’ll need to be sure you can find fulfillment in other areas of your life.

Warnings

Temptation will arise, so be prepared to stand up for your beliefs.

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Celibacy can sometimes be harmful if you really want to have sex but don’t have a partner. However, masturbating may help you relieve your urges.^{[14]
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