How to Make Your Partner Feel Wanted

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: March 10, 2023 References

When you’re in a romantic relationship, it’s important to feel understood, heard, and wanted by your partner. While those concepts might sound a little abstract, making your significant other feel wanted on a daily basis isn’t hard. Keep reading to learn how you can appreciate your partner and improve your relationship overall.

1

Communicate with your partner.

Open communication fosters a strong, healthy relationship. It will also let your partner know that you care about understanding them and having them understand you. Bring up issues quickly, sit down for discussions, and don’t let things bottle up.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}
- It’s much easier to deal with problems before you get super angry or annoyed about them. When you can talk about things rationally and clearly with your partner, you’ll make them feel more wanted than if you yell or talk down to them.
- Communication also includes small talk! Ask your partner about their day, see how they’re feeling, and chat about mundane things like you would with a friend.^{[2]
  X
  Research source}

2

Validate your partner’s feelings.

Repeat things they say in your own words to show that you understand. They’ll feel like you really want to hear what they’re saying. When you and your partner talk, try to really listen to them, and make sure you’re understanding everything. This can be for big things, like discussions about your future, to small things, like how your partner feels after a bad day at work.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}
- For instance, you might say, “I get why you’d feel frustrated about that. It’s annoying that your boss won’t take you seriously, even though you’ve brought up this issue a few times already.”

3

Get to know your partner on a deeper level.

Ask them questions to find out their hopes, dreams, and goals in life. Dive into who they like in their family and who they butt heads with. Figure out what their favorite things are, and open up yourself, too. The more you get to know your partner, the more they’ll feel wanted by you. Try asking questions like:^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}
- “How do you think your childhood influenced your faith?”^{[5]
  X
  Research source}
- “Do you think that opposites attract?”^{[6]
  X
  Research source}
- “What was the happiest day of your life?”^{[7]
  X
  Research source}

4

Give your partner compliments.

Be specific about what you like about your partner. Compliments about their physical appearance are fine, but try to throw in some things you like about their personality, too. Random compliments will make your partner feel like you notice them and want them 24/7.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you might say, “Wow, that shirt looks great on you!”
- Or, “You have the most amazing laugh.”
- Or, “I love how smart you are. You make me think about things in brand new ways.”

5

Find some common interests.

Make an effort to spend time together doing things you like. Even if you and your partner have different hobbies or friend groups, you can probably find a few things you two like to do together. Try to spend quality time with each other at least once a week to make your partner feel wanted.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}
- If you’re really stuck on things to do with your partner, try something neither of you have done before! You never know—you might just find your new favorite hobby.
- Having a shared interest is nice, but it isn’t the end of the world if you can’t find one. You can still have a loving, fulfilling relationship without any hobbies in common.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}

6

Flirt with your partner.

Even if you’ve been dating for a while, you can still flirt! Make eye contact across the room, tell them how sexy they look, or send them a suggestive text message throughout the day. When you flirt with your partner, you tell them that you still desire them, even though you two know each other intimately already.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- You could also get dressed up for your partner, give them a surprise gift, linger when you give them a hug or touch them on the arm, or reminisce about your early days of dating.

7

Touch your partner throughout the day.

Little touches can make your partner feel wanted. Give them a hug, hold their hand, pat them on the arm, or touch their lower back. It might seem small, but these little gestures really go a long way.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- This is especially true if your partner’s love language is physical touch.

8

Express love in your partner’s love language.

Everyone has their own unique way of experiencing love. Try to figure out your partner’s love language: gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch. Then, try to show your love to your partner using their love language.^{[13]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}
- If your partner’s love language is gift giving, they might appreciate you bringing back a souvenir when you go out of town or a snack when you hit the grocery store.
- If it’s quality time, your partner might appreciate it when you plan dates for the two of you to spend alone time together.
- If it’s words of affirmation, your partner probably appreciates it when you tell them that you love them or how much they mean to you.
- If it’s acts of service, your partner might appreciate it when you do their chores after they’ve had a hard day at work.
- If it’s physical touch, your partner might appreciate it when you hug them or pat them on the arm while you two are hanging out together.

9

Tell your partner why you love them.

Saying “I love you” is fine, but it’s nice to get specific. What exactly makes you love your partner? It could be their personality, their kindness, their intelligence, or any combination you can think of. Let your partner know so they can feel good about your relationship.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- You might say something like, “I love you so much. You always know how to make me smile, even on a bad day.”
- Or, “You’re such a good friend, and you’re so kind to others. I’m so lucky to call you my partner.”

10

Think about your partner before making decisions.

For things both big and small, remember that you’re part of a pair. For instance, if you get a job opportunity in a new city, think about whether or not your partner would want to move there. Or, if you pick up dinner on your way home, think about whether or not your partner has eaten yet.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- Being part of a partnership means taking your significant other into account. Live your own life, but be sure to include them in it, too.