How to Prevent Cheating

No one wants to go through the pain that cheating can bring to a relationship. While there are no guarantees to happiness in any relationship, experts believe you can take steps to prevent cheating by yourself or by your significant other. A few small changes will at least make cheating less likely.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Stopping Your Significant Other From Cheating

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    Recognize red flags. Sometimes you can spot the red flags that lead to cheating before your significant other has actually cheated. This will allow you to address any problems before it's too late.
    • Some people cheat in response to "emotional chaos" like a particularly bad argument. [1]
    • Not being immediately available when you call, text, or email or wanting more space are red flags. [2]
    • Changes or improvements in physical appearance can indicate cheating. If your significant other looks or smells better, you should be vigilant.
    • Believe it or not, but couples who stop arguing may be more prone to cheating. That's because not arguing can be a sign of giving up. [3]
    • Never having sex with your spouse is an obvious red flag that signals a problem in the relationship. Don't ignore that part of your relationship. [4]
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    Don't live together before you marry. People who hedge when asked to show firm commitment are more likely to cheat.
    • Cheating is more likely with couples who live together before they are married. People are six times as likely to live together before marriage today than they were 30 years ago.[5]
    • Many studies have found that people who live together are less happy overall in their relationships. You have the problems and challenges of a long-term relationship without the commitment.[6]
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    Understand gender differences. Although not universally true, experts say that men and women sometimes cheat for different reasons.
    • Women sometimes cheat because they don't feel emotionally affirmed and appreciated by their partners. [7]
    • Women may find emotional cheating more threatening than a physical only affair. [8]
    • Some men may minimize physical cheating without emotional involvement. Make it clear if you consider physical only cheating wrong.
    • However, it's not true that men never cheat because of emotional neglect. Some studies have found that men cheat for emotional affirmation most.
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    Initiate sex sometimes. Don't always be the one to wait for an overture. You want to make your significant other know he or she is wanted. [9]
    • You should never do anything you are truly uncomfortable with, but being a little adventurous in the bedroom can keep relationships from feeling stale. Boredom is a key factor in cheating. [10]
    • If you don't have any sex drive, don't hide this from your partner. There could be an underlying medical reason for it, or an emotional one, and it's better to discuss and address it.
    • Physical contact like hugging, kissing or holding hands can be important forms of physical intimacy. Don't ignore them.
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    Communicate. If there's something bugging you, it's better to communicate about it than to let it fester. If you like something about your partner, let them know.[11]
    • If you're feeling rejected or unhappy about something, tell your significant other. This is better than allowing the problem to grow. But try to start your sentence with words like "I feel" so your spouse doesn't end up feeling denigrated. [12]
    • Periodically go to counseling with your significant other. This can be a good way to dig out underlying problems before they get worse.
    • Give your partner verbal reassurance. Some people cheat purely for physical reasons or because they are bored. However, cheating because of feeling emotionally neglected is more common.
    • Let men feel like the hero. It might sound trite, but they love to hear it.
    • Leave little notes telling your significant other how much they mean to you.
    • Focus on and talk about what works, not just the problems in a relationship. [13]
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    Enter agreements. Although entering agreements doesn't sound very romantic, it really can work. Sometimes people assume their expectations are understood, when they are not. Studies into couples who have been married between 40 and 70 years found that communication was a very important factor in the marriages working. Understanding each other's expectations and being realistic about your own is an important part of communicating well. [14]
    • Come to agreements over issues like how often you will travel, household chores, parenting matters, and finances. [15]
    • Make it clear what consider to be cheating. Does kissing count? How about emotional connections? Having a conversation like this out of the blue could be jarring to many significant others. So you should bring it up only in a deeper conversation about your relationship. It might be a good idea to explain your expectations in this area first.[16]
    • You could consider writing your agreements down so they are clear.
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    Don't let yourself go. This may lead to some hard truths. Have you let yourself go? Keeping your physical appearance shows respect for yourself and your partner.
    • Physical attractiveness is more than just natural beauty or handsomeness. Studies have found that good hygiene and proper posture make people seem more attractive. [17]
    • Weight matters. It's common for people to gain weight as they age, but a combination of exercise and watching your diet can improve your physical attractiveness. [18]
    • Buying new clothes can enhance physical attractiveness. Getting a new hairstyle can too. [19]
    • Being positive and pleasant makes people seem more attractive. Smile, and you will look better.
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    Have your own interests. Although it's dangerous to do everything on your own, people are attracted to people who have their own interests or passion.
    • Accommodating everything your partner wants can backfire and leave them bored with you. [20]
    • Part of showing independence is not overly restricting your partner, but allowing them to have their own interests and space at times too. [21]
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    Find the best way to emotionally connect with your partner. People don't express and receive love the same way. Understanding how your partner likes to be appreciated can help them feel more affirmed overall. Here are just a few ways your partner might like to be supported:
    • Kind and meaningful statements about how much you care about them
    • Thoughtful gestures to make their life a little easier
    • Physical contact to help you feel closer
    • Buying/making and giving them presents that they might enjoy
    • Giving them your full focus
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    Don't use manipulation methods. Some methods people use to stop cheating can actually backfire because they are negative and manipulative.
    • Stalking, tracking people or snooping can be illegal, not just counterproductive.
    • Threatening to leave or cheat yourself, becoming excessively controlling, or applying guilt trips are manipulation methods that might push your significant other farther away. [22]
    • Manipulation methods can be divided into two categories: Direct guarding or negative inducements. Direct guarding means you control, snoop, or isolate your partner. Negative inducement includes crying, threatening, or insulting rivals. None of this is very effective in the long run.
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    Use positive inducements. Instead of resorting to manipulation methods, keep your mate with positive and affirming behavior.
    • Buying your significant other a gift, complimenting them, being more interested in sex, and showing love all will reduce the chances of cheating. [23]
    • Go to bed at the same time as your partner. This encourages intimacy, and it gives less space for cheating. [24]
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Stopping Yourself From Cheating

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    Watch alcohol use. Not surprisingly, alcohol causes people to do things they wouldn't do otherwise because it lowers inhibitions.
    • Don't drink with people not your spouse. If you must attend an after-work gathering, for example, take your spouse along.
    • Sometimes people drink before cheating to give themselves a ready-made excuse. Don't use the "alcohol made me do it" excuse. The alcohol and cheating are camouflaging deeper problems. [25]
    • Avoid places where alcohol and strangers collide, like parties and bars, unless your significant other is along.
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    Pick the right friends. It's dangerous to hang out with friends who are cheating or who enable cheating.
    • Pick married friends or friends who are also in committed relationships. [26]
    • Don't meet friends you might be attracted to without others there. Try to have couples' friends not friends your spouse doesn't know.
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    Think about your children. Although many children make it through divorces and thrive in life, there is no question that infidelity and divorce can be difficult on children. [27]
    • Imagine your behavior on the front page of the newspaper. Would you be OK with your children reading about it? If the answer is no, you probably shouldn't do it.
    • If you must leave a relationship, don't cheat before you do. It will make the divorce process much more acrimonious, which is bad for children.
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    Watch out for work entanglements. Many affairs start in the workplace, in part because people spend so much time with people with whom they have a common interest there.
    • Don't ride in cars alone with a co-worker.
    • Keep conversation strictly business-related.
    • Working late too much provides an environment for cheating and will worry your significant other. It also shows a lack of prioritization of the relationship. [28]
    • Engage with co-workers in groups, not one-on-one.
    • Get to know the families and significant others of your co-workers, and let them know yours.
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    Work on emotional bonding. Some people cheat because they feel emotionally neglected at home. However, there are steps you can take to increase emotional connection with your significant other.
    • Create touch points throughout the day, in which you email or call or make an intimate gesture. It's likely, you will receive one back.
    • If your emotional needs are not being met, don't keep it to yourself. Express it. Tell your significant other what you need.
    • The best thing to do is talk to them and say that you have been noticing some things and would like to know what is happening.
    • Try to find some specific points you are concerned about, such as you may have noticed that your partner has been working late and you do not know where they are.
    • If your partner has cheated, you can go for counseling with a professional. You may need to have several open discussions about it.
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    Demonstrate commitment. If you hesitate at all when revealing your level of commitment, you could be sending signals to people that you're available.
    • Wear your wedding ring.
    • Make your relationship clear on social media.
    • If you find yourself hesitating when asked about your relationship by saying something like "it's complicated," you're leaving a door open.
    • Make it clear to any temptations that you are not available.
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    Watch the Internet and other electronics. The Internet is a dangerous environment for relationships. The Internet makes it easy for exes or other people to have access to you.
    • People on social networking are at more risk for cheating. Share passwords with your spouse or significant other.
    • Pornography is easier to access on the Internet and can lead to cheating in real life. [29]
    • Don't guard your phone. Let your significant other have access to your phone, and don't password protect it. If you're unwilling to answer calls in front of your significant other, you've got a problem.[30]
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    Understand emotional cheating. Cheating isn't always physical. Emotional cheating can be just as destructive. Understand what emotional cheating actually is because this can be key to preventing it.
    • If you're communicating with someone in secret or lying about the nature of the communications, you're in a danger zone. [31]
    • It's the amount of communication that matters here, not just the content. Is most of your communication with someone not your significant other?
    • Don't share confidences with someone not your significant other, especially secrets your significant other doesn't know.
    • If you laugh a lot with a person, make eye contact, dress up for them, and find yourself excited to see them, you could be having an emotional affair.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Stopping Cheating at School

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    Create a physical environment that deters cheating. Teachers and parents can take steps to make it less likely a student will cheat.
    • Place an empty chair or desk in between each student during a test.
    • Make seating assignments random during exams. [32]
    • Instruct students to leave blackberries, smart phones, tablets, and notebooks elsewhere during a test.
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    Craft tests that don't encourage cheating. Not all tests are created equal. Some make it easier for a student to cheat.
    • Create two versions of your test. [33]
    • Students are less likely to cheat on tests that require essays than on tests with multiple choice or true and false questions.
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    Create a psychological environment that deters cheating. You can stop cheating by tackling the emotions that drive some students to cheat.
    • Encourage mistakes. If you don't make students feel they can make mistakes without being criticized, they might be more likely to cheat. Explain that mistakes are part of learning.
    • Schools that place heavy focus on grading statistics and class rankings instead of learning might find that more students will cheat.
    • Outline your policy on cheating. [34]
    • Explain plagiarism. Some students might not be aware what plagiarism is due to the easy availability of information on the Internet.
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References

  1. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/cynthia-price/how-keep-your-boyfriend-cheating
  2. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheri-meyers/cheating_b_1776429.html
  3. ↑ http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a6359/stop-cheating/
  4. ↑ http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a6359/stop-cheating/
  5. ↑ http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/03/04/how-to-prevent-cheating-in-your-marriage/
  6. ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1352550/Unmarried-couples-more-likely-to-cheat.html
  7. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-ways-prevent-cheating-relationship.html
  8. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/01/27/venus-and-mars-differences-regarding-infidelity/10995.html
  9. ↑ http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a6359/stop-cheating/
  1. ↑ http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/10/why-women-cheat
  2. ↑ http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a6359/stop-cheating/
  3. ↑ http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a6359/stop-cheating/
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201104/trying-stop-infidelity-makes-it-worse
  5. ↑ https://www.natcom.org/CommCurrentsArticle.aspx?id=747
  6. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-ways-prevent-cheating-relationship.html
  7. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-ways-prevent-cheating-relationship.html
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/being-beautiful-or-handsome-is-easier-you-think
  9. ↑ http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/10/why-women-cheat/
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201401/how-prevent-infidelity-and-adultery
  11. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/kim-olver/10-tips-keep-your-man-faithful-expert
  12. ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/five-ways-to-avoid-infidelity/
  13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201401/how-prevent-infidelity-and-adultery
  14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201401/how-prevent-infidelity-and-adultery
  15. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/19/cheating-red-flags-you-missed_n_6896300.html
  16. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a33321/ask-logan-cheating-on-boyfriend/
  17. ↑ http://nationalparrot.com/6-ways-you-can-stop-yourself-from-cheating-on-your-partner/
  18. ↑ http://drphil.com/articles/article/127
  19. ↑ http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/w/will_he_cheat_14_red_flags_you_cant_ignore.aspx
  20. ↑ http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/03/04/how-to-prevent-cheating-in-your-marriage/
  21. ↑ http://madamenoire.com/263798/how-to-be-absolutely-positively-sure-hes-cheating/
  22. ↑ http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/when-does-flirting-become-cheating-9-red-flags
  23. ↑ https://www.mcgill.ca/students/srr/honest/staff/exam
  24. ↑ https://www.csusm.edu/dos/facstres/precon.html
  25. ↑ https://www.csusm.edu/dos/facstres/precon.html
  26. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-ways-prevent-cheating-relationship.html

About This Article

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Co-authored by:
Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
This article was co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work. This article has been viewed 35,232 times.
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Co-authors: 17
Updated: March 22, 2023
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Categories: Cheating in Relationships
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