Should You Text Every Day When Dating?

Co-authored by Kristina Mirgorodskaya and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: February 3, 2023 References

Getting into a new relationship is really exciting, but it also comes with a lot of questions, especially when it comes to texting. Figuring how often you want to text, what to text about, and when to expect a reply can be confusing. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of things you should know about texting your new boo so you don’t have to worry about communication anymore.

1

Don’t worry if you two don’t talk every single day.

You might text every day, but you might not. Not everyone wants to chat with their S.O. every day, and that’s okay! The person that you’re dating might prefer just to check in every now and then, and that’s not a bad thing. In general, you might want to talk to each other every 2 days or so, but it can be more or less depending on your preference.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Try not to base whether or not someone likes you on their texting frequency. Some people are just bad texters, and they’ll text back super slowly (or rarely) no matter what.
- If you've been in a couple of dates already, talking 2 to 3 times a week is enough to keep you on their radar, but also is infrequent enough to give the other person space.

2

Talk with your date about how often you like to text.

You two might have different opinions on how often you want to text. Have a casual chat with your boo, and just ask them whether or not they like texting in general. If they aren’t a fan, maybe phone calls at the end of the day work better. Or, if they do like texting, you can chat about checking in every day or communicating once a day.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you might say, “I like texting a lot, but how do you feel about it? I don’t want to text you all the time if it’s too much for you.”

3

Check in on days you don’t see each other.

Feel free to send your date a text asking how they’re doing. Maybe you two haven’t hung out in a bit, and you just want to see what they’re up to. A casual text checking in on the days you can’t hang out in person is totally fine, and it shows that you care.^{[3]
X
Trustworthy Source
Pew Research Center
Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
Go to source}
- You might text them something like, “Hey, just checking in. How’s it going?” or, “Hey, what have you been up to today?”

4

Send good morning and good night texts.

These are nice messages to send if you haven’t seen your date that day. If you aren’t with your partner in the morning, send them a text as soon as you wake up, if you’d like to. You can also send them a text when you’re going to bed, just to let them know that you’re thinking about them.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- In the morning, say something like, “Good morning! Hope you have a good day.”
- At night, you might try, “Good night! Sweet dreams!”

5

Take turns sending the first message.

Texting your date first all the time can be draining. If you find that you’re always the one reaching out to them first, take a break for a while and see if they ever text you. If they don’t, try asking them what’s up, and see why they don’t ever text first. Say something like:^{[5]
X
Research source}
- “It kinda seems like I’m always the one to text first. Can we both try to reach out to each other instead?”

6

Give your date time to respond.

They might not be able to respond right away all the time. Keep their schedule in mind—if you know they’re at work or in class, it’s okay if they take a little while to respond. Plus, some people just aren’t great texters, so if your boo isn’t responding, don’t take it personally.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If your message is time-sensitive, consider calling them instead. That way, they know it’s a bit more urgent, and they can’t ignore it.

7

Try not to send double texts.

Overloading your date with messages can be overwhelming. If they aren’t responding, hold off for a while before you send them another reminder text. If they haven’t responded after a few hours, you can send them one more message, just to see what’s up.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- People tend to open messages and then forget to respond to them. Chances are, if your partner isn’t responding, it isn’t personal!

8

Save some topics for in-person conversations.

You don’t want to talk about everything via text message. Otherwise, you might not have a ton to chat about on your dates! Remember that chemistry and relationships are mostly built through in-person interactions. Try to save texts for small, casual interactions, and keep the longer, more deep topics for in-person. It will help you two grow closer together, and it can really cut down on any misunderstandings.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- For example, planning your next date over text? Totally fine! Talking about the future of your relationship together? Probably best saved for an in-person convo.
- That said, texting can help you feel closer to each other. Whenever possible, avoid the small talk and just talk about what's going on in your life or start out with a funny story.

9

Discuss serious matters face-to-face.

Disagreements and arguments can be misconstrued over the phone. If you and your date are getting into a fight, either call them up or save it for when you two see each other in person. Since you can’t hear your partner’s tone of voice or see their facial expressions, you might be misunderstanding what they’re saying.^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- To avoid this, try texting something like, “This conversation is getting a little heavy. Could we chat about this on the phone later?”

10

Try to respond to every message you get.

Leaving your partner on read can hurt their feelings. If you get a text from your date, try your best to respond in a timely manner. And, if you’re busy, send them a quick text letting them know that you can’t talk now, but you’ll respond when you have time.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- You could say something like, “Hey! Just saw your text—super swamped at work. I’ll talk to you later.”

11

Ask for some space if your partner texts you too much.

It’s totally fair to ask your date to hold off on the texts. If your partner texts you more often than you’re comfortable with, sit down with them and talk about your boundaries and what you’d like to see going forward. Hopefully, you two can chat about it and come up with a compromise that works for the both of you.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- You could bring it up by saying something like, “Hey, we haven’t really talked about this before, but I can tell that you like texting a lot. I’m not a super great texter, and I actually prefer talking on the phone. Could we maybe meet in the middle a little bit?”

12

Try phone calls every now and then.

Texting doesn’t have to be your only form of communication. Sometimes, it’s nice to hear your partner’s voice, even if it’s over the phone. If you haven’t hung out with your date in a few days and you just want to chat, call them up! You can talk about your day, what they’ve been up to, and how you’re both feeling.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- You can send a quick text to your partner before calling, just to make sure they aren’t busy. Something like, “Free for a phone call?” works great.