Feeling touch-starved or like you need a cuddle, and not sure how to manage when you’re by yourself? Whether you’re craving a cuddle due to pandemic isolation or just feel like you need someone to hold, you’re not alone. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to get similar feelings of comfort even without another person. We’re here to show you how with this guide on how to simulate cuddling.

1

Give yourself a hug.

  1. Hugging yourself can relieve a lot of tension. Start by putting left hand on your right shoulder or upper arm, and your right hand on your left shoulder or upper arm. Lightly rub your shoulders with your hands, then squeeze yourself. Hold this position for about a minute, and repeat it whenever you feel like you could use another hug.[1]
    • You can also wrap your arms around your midsection if you prefer. Whichever position is most comfortable for you is the best way to hug yourself.
    • While you’re giving yourself a hug, you can also say a positive affirmation to yourself out loud, like “I am worthy.”
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3

Use a body pillow.

5

Give yourself a massage.

  1. Massaging your own body can reduce touch-starvation. For example, studies have shown that the vagus nerve that extends from your brain to your digestive tract plays a large role in stress and anxiety. Massage it by placing your index fingers behind the bottoms of the backs of your ear. Then, use your index fingers to massage the backs of your ears and your thumbs to massage the front. Finish by flipping the back of your ear over to cover your ear canal and applying gentle pressure.[6]
    • Using a massage roller can help you massage your back and other hard-to-reach areas. To massage your feet, you can also step on a tennis ball and gently move your foot back and forth.[7]
    • If you don’t mind spending some money, a professional masseuse can really help you with feeling touch-starved.
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9

Take your time with masturbation.

  1. Exploring your body can show you how you can meet your own needs. While cuddling releases chemicals like oxytocin and reduces stress, so does masturbation. Being slow and deliberate with how you pleasure yourself can ease a lot of the symptoms of touch starvation.[11]
    • Try touching parts of your body that you might not normally, like the back of your neck or ears. Be curious about your own body.
    • Sex toys can also help you explore your own capacity to bring yourself pleasure. Experimenting with these toys can bring you a lot of sensations that you might miss from not cuddling in a while.
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11

Talk to your friends and family.

  1. Even if you can’t cuddle, conversations can make you feel less alone. By spending more time with the meaningful relationships in your life, even virtually, you can keep away feelings of loneliness.[13] If you can’t touch someone you care about, you can instead focus on other parts of your relationship—don’t be afraid of asking deep questions and connecting to others in a more profound way.[14]
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    Is loneliness a bad thing?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    Definitely! According to former Surgeon General Vivek Murphy, loneliness is not only a public health concern, but it's as dangerous to a person as 15 cigarettes a day.
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About This Article

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Nihal Shetty. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008. This article has been viewed 24,417 times.
8 votes - 63%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: June 6, 2022
Views: 24,417
Categories: Psychological Health
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