How to Simulate Cuddling

Co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and Nihal Shetty

Last Updated: June 6, 2022 References

Feeling touch-starved or like you need a cuddle, and not sure how to manage when you’re by yourself? Whether you’re craving a cuddle due to pandemic isolation or just feel like you need someone to hold, you’re not alone. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to get similar feelings of comfort even without another person. We’re here to show you how with this guide on how to simulate cuddling.

1

Give yourself a hug.

Hugging yourself can relieve a lot of tension. Start by putting left hand on your right shoulder or upper arm, and your right hand on your left shoulder or upper arm. Lightly rub your shoulders with your hands, then squeeze yourself. Hold this position for about a minute, and repeat it whenever you feel like you could use another hug.^{[1]
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- You can also wrap your arms around your midsection if you prefer. Whichever position is most comfortable for you is the best way to hug yourself.
- While you’re giving yourself a hug, you can also say a positive affirmation to yourself out loud, like “I am worthy.”

2

Sleep with a weighted blanket.

A weighted blanket can provide you comfort and security. Most people find weighted blankets that are about 10% of their body weight to be most soothing. By placing pressure on you while you sleep, a weighted blanket can give you the feeling of being held and soothe feelings of anxiety or depression.^{[2]
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- If you have asthma, sleep apnea, or type 2 diabetes, a weighted blanket might make it hard for you to breathe at night. Talk to your doctor if you have concerns about using one.

3

Use a body pillow.

Body pillows are great substitutes for cuddle partners. Many people find the sensation of hugging a body pillow as they go to sleep to be extremely comforting. Bring a body pillow to your bed and cuddle with it as you go to sleep. Body pillows also provide you extra support at night, which can be good for easing pressure on your body.^{[3]
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- As a replacement for a body pillow, try hugging a normal pillow. Just the feeling of holding onto an object as you sleep can be pleasant.^{[4]
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4

Cuddle with a stuffed animal.

Stuffed animals bring comfort to kids and adults alike. Plenty of adults use them to help decrease anxiety, and hugging one as you go to sleep has been shown to be a really effective sleep aid. Don’t feel embarrassed about picking up a stuffed animal to hold as you head to bed—it’s a great way to feel more comfortable and secure.^{[5]
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5

Give yourself a massage.

Massaging your own body can reduce touch-starvation. For example, studies have shown that the vagus nerve that extends from your brain to your digestive tract plays a large role in stress and anxiety. Massage it by placing your index fingers behind the bottoms of the backs of your ear. Then, use your index fingers to massage the backs of your ears and your thumbs to massage the front. Finish by flipping the back of your ear over to cover your ear canal and applying gentle pressure.^{[6]
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American Institute of Stress
Non-profit organization providing resources on stress-management in education, research, clinical care, and the workplace.
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- Using a massage roller can help you massage your back and other hard-to-reach areas. To massage your feet, you can also step on a tennis ball and gently move your foot back and forth.^{[7]
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- If you don’t mind spending some money, a professional masseuse can really help you with feeling touch-starved.

6

Hug a pet.

A furry companion is a great replacement for a human partner. Spending time with a pet can bring you deep feelings of intimacy, ones that help you deal with loneliness. Give your pet some attention and love, and you’re likely to feel those emotions in return. If your pet likes cuddles, snuggle up—there’s a lot of benefits for both of you.^{[8]
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PLOS ONE
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- If you don’t have a pet of your own, try visiting an animal shelter or spending time with a friend’s pet.

7

Take a hot shower.

The steam and water pressure of a shower is really soothing. Feeling the sensation of the water on your body can stimulate your touch receptors and leave you feeling comforted. A hot shower (or bath) is a great way to relax and give yourself some physical comfort.^{[9]
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8

Hold a warm drink.

Just having a hot drink in your hands can be warm and comforting. Whether you prefer tea, coffee, or even just hot water, the feeling of warmth you get from holding a cup is an easy way to meet some of your needs for touch. To enhance the feelings of stress relief, try drinking a relaxing tea.^{[10]
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9

Take your time with masturbation.

Exploring your body can show you how you can meet your own needs. While cuddling releases chemicals like oxytocin and reduces stress, so does masturbation. Being slow and deliberate with how you pleasure yourself can ease a lot of the symptoms of touch starvation.^{[11]
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- Try touching parts of your body that you might not normally, like the back of your neck or ears. Be curious about your own body.
- Sex toys can also help you explore your own capacity to bring yourself pleasure. Experimenting with these toys can bring you a lot of sensations that you might miss from not cuddling in a while.

10

Remember past moments of being touched.

Your memory can actually stimulate your touch receptors. Research has shown that when we think about moments that we’ve been touched, our memory simulates this feeling in other parts of our body. So close your eyes and think about the last time you were cuddled—let yourself imagine this moment in full detail, and you might find some of your cravings for cuddling to be satiated.^{[12]
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11

Talk to your friends and family.

Even if you can’t cuddle, conversations can make you feel less alone. By spending more time with the meaningful relationships in your life, even virtually, you can keep away feelings of loneliness.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.} If you can’t touch someone you care about, you can instead focus on other parts of your relationship—don’t be afraid of asking deep questions and connecting to others in a more profound way.^{[14]
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- It can feel a little awkward or uncomfortable to reach out at first, but it's really important to stay connected! The fact is that people need people—it's just the way we're wired.^{[15]
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  Expert Source
  
  Adam Dorsay, PsyD
  Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
  Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.}

Expert Q&A

Question

Is loneliness a bad thing?

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

Adam Dorsay, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Expert Answer

Definitely! According to former Surgeon General Vivek Murphy, loneliness is not only a public health concern, but it's as dangerous to a person as 15 cigarettes a day.