How to Spot a Gold Digger

Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: July 28, 2022 References Approved

Noticing Financial Dependence

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Spotting Red Flags

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Relationship Reflecting

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Tips

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Warnings

A gold digger is a person who is primarily interested in their partner's money and what it can do for them. You'll notice that gold diggers often push their partners for expensive gifts, loans, and allowances. They usually feel entitled to the best that life has to offer without working for it. If you are looking for a genuine romantic connection, it's a good idea to watch out for gold diggers and avoid them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Noticing Financial Dependence

1
Check out their employment status. Many gold diggers do not have jobs or work in lower-level positions until they attract someone who can serve as their “meal ticket.” When you start dating someone, ask about their job and see what they envision for their future career. If they give you vague answers or laugh it off, then it could be a problem.^{[1]
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2
Be concerned if they reject inexpensive gifts. The thought is what should count when exchanging gifts. If you suspect your partner is a gold digger, you could try to give them a thoughtful, but inexpensive, present. Then, sit back and watch how they react. If they blow off the gift or refuse to use it/keep it, they might be a gold digger.^{[2]
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- For example, see what happens if you give them a flower at the start of the date. Do they put it in water or toss it to the side immediately?
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3
Watch for questions about what you own. A person who you are dating will be reasonably curious about your background and work. But, it's concerning if they keep asking about your money and property. If they ask about your type of car or your stock options, especially early on, then these are red flags.^{[3]
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- You can also answer their personal financial questions and then gauge their reactions. For example, see how they react if you tell them that you drive an older model used car. A gold digger might show open distaste upon this hearing this, or even suggest that you buy a more expensive one.
4
Notice if they ask about your family's money. Some gold diggers aren't simply content with going after your money and play the long game instead. They think about what will happen if you come from a money background. Watch for someone who is curious about your parent's employment status and whether or not you have a trust fund.^{[4]
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- For example, a gold digger might say, “Oh, that's great that your dad is an architect. I'm sure he's set up a trust fund for you.”
5
Use caution when lending money or offering loans. It's always dangerous to exchange money in relationships, but gold diggers often expect and push for it. Pay particular attention if they keep experiencing random 'emergencies' that require you to give them funds, even under the guise of a loan.^{[5]
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- This is especially the case if they continue to live their extravagant lifestyle, even while asking you for money.
- If they ask you for a loan, you could say something like, "I don't think it is a good idea to lend money to my partner. It creates an imbalance in the relationship."
6
Be wary of any requests for an allowance. If the person isn't working, but still has bills to pay, then they may approach you looking for some kind of ongoing financial support. If they plan to rely on this money instead of pursuing a job or other opportunity, it's possible that they are a gold digger. If the allowance disappears, then they will, too.^{[6]
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- You may want to jot down the times and circumstances when they've asked for money to help you determine if there's a pattern.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Spotting Red Flags

1
Notice a sense of entitlement. Ask your partner what they think they are entitled to out of life and from you. If they answer in a way that demonstrates that they view relationships as a partnership, then this is a positive sign. If they emphasize what they “deserve” from other people, including you, then they may be a gold digger.^{[7]
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- Another warning sign is if they feel entitled to the best of everything, no matter the effort they've put in. For example, they might request jewelry almost immediately into the relationship.
2
Look for online profiles with expensive preferences listed. As you are browsing through dating profiles, watch out for those persons who list only pricey hobbies, interests, or preferences. It's perfectly fine to enjoy expensive wines, for example, but this could indicate a problem if they only enjoy it because of the price tag and not the quality.^{[8]
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- For example, a gold digger profile might say, “I love shopping when somebody else pays for it.”
- A gold digger may be unaware how they come across, and therefore won't try to hide their greedy behavior. However, some are more sophisticated and stealthy.
3
Pay attention to their friend's attitudes. People usually hang out with like-minded individuals. If all of your partner's friends are gold diggers, then it's highly likely that they are as well. If their friends constantly talk about looking for rich men or women, then you can tell that's what they value.^{[9]
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- If you are concerned, you might ask your partner, “I've noticed that your friends talk about money a lot. Why do you think that is?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Relationship Reflecting

1
Recognize that it could be a man or woman. It's a common misconception that only women are gold diggers. Men can be gold diggers as well, and often are. The gifts that they request might differ, but they'll still look for expensive ones. Likewise, some gold diggers are looking for long-term relationships, whereas others only want temporary support.^{[10]
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2
Ask yourself if they'd stay without money. Sit down and seriously consider what would happen if you lost all of your money tomorrow. Who would stay and support you and who would leave? An equal partner would treat you the same, while a gold digger would leave sooner rather than later.^{[11]
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- If you want the most information possible, you might ask these questions to the potential gold digger face-to-face. This would let you see if they respond with disbelief, anger, or bluntness to your concerns.
3
Don't be fooled by physical appearance. Gold diggers can often appear very successful and well off during an initial impression. They may wear expensive labels and know how to function in wealthy society. In time you will find out whether or not they've paid their own way or used the funds of others to appear wealthy.
4
Talk about your understanding of love and romance. Sit down with the person and explain to them what you think relationships are all about. Ask them what they think of when they hear the word romance. If relationships aren't partnerships to them and if they discuss everything in terms of money and material items, these are signs of a gold digger.^{[12]
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5
Think about what you have in common. If you start to suspect that you are dating a gold digger, go back through your memories and try to list the ways that you are similar to one another. Include everything from major beliefs, like religion, to minor preferences, like your favorite foods. If you find that the list is pretty short, then it's possible that only money ties you together.^{[13]
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Warnings

If you met through a dating agency catering to the wealthy, or another known gold digger hot-spot, then you may need to branch out to find future relationships.

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It's fine to pick up the tab for everyone every now and then, but take a step back if you are always the one paying.^{[14]
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