How to Subtly Flirt With a Guy

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: June 3, 2021 Approved

Flirting is often seen at as an art form, making it sound difficult or scary. But in reality flirting is simply about finding a way to signal someone that you are interested in them. Subtle flirting is a great way to get to know people slowly, helping you decide if you really want to move forward towards a relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Flirting with a Guy

1
Be confident in your ability to flirt. If you’re not confident, fake it until you make it. Smile, try not to fidget and look your target directly in the eye when talking to him. These few steps are often all you need to do to subtly catch a guy’s interest.
2
Laugh, joke, and keep the conversation light at first. Humor is one of the best ice-breakers on the planet. Throwing in a joke here and there shows that you are spontaneous, fun, and laid-back, all of which tells a guy you may be interested.^{[1]
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EXPERT TIP

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Try not to talk about yourself too much. It's natural to want to tell the other person about yourself and your great qualities. However, be careful that you don't ramble about yourself too much, or you could come off as conceited or not interested in the person you're with.

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3
Use open, interested body language. Body language is the oft-forgotten secret weapon of flirting. Not only does it work, but it works subtly, letting a guy know subconsciously that you are interested. To flirt with your body:
- Face your shoulders and hips towards him.
- Play with your hair.
- Make eye-contact.
- Nod and smile as he talks.^{[2]
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- Avoid crossing your arms, looking away/down, or staring into space as he talks.
4
Smile. Smiling is the number one way to flirt with someone.^{[3]
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Research source} Show off your pearly whites every chance you get, and you’ll notice that he’ll be smiling too.
5
Touch him lightly. Breaking the touch barrier between two people is a great way to separate flirtation from friendly conversation. Touch his shoulder or knee lightly, or put your hand briefly on his back as you get up to go the bathroom.
- Feeling adventurous? Offer to play a quick game like patty-cake, slaps, or invent a secret handshake together.
6
Be genuine. The quickest way to lose your future date is to fake your interest. Ask him questions about himself, laugh only when you think something is funny, and remember to feel natural. If you’re having a good time, chances are your flirting is successful. But if you cannot be genuinely nice to a guy, he probably is not the right fit for you.
7
Avoid loaded or leading questions. Never ask a guy about marriage, his last relationship, or if he wants kids. These are big, difficult questions that usually come up later in a relationship. Remember that flirting is supposed to be light and fun, not serious.
- Religion, politics, and how much money he makes should all be avoided.
8
Know when to back off. Flirting can quickly go from fun to creepy if you don’t know when to leave. If he wants to go see his friends, keeps looking away and checking his watch, or starts giving one-word answers, it is time to back off and give him some space.

EXPERT TIP

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Our Expert Agrees: When you're trying to flirt, try to leave a little mystery. If you come across as too obviously interested or available, you can sometimes push the other person away. Also, don't be too sexual right away. Being too touchy-feely can sometimes give off the wrong vibe.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Getting a Guy to Notice You

1
Dress for the occasion with cute clothes. Looking good sends nice signals to someone that your are interested in finding a partner or fling. That said, don’t feel the need to go outside of your comfort-zone. Aim for something you feel good and confident wearing.
2
Make eye contact across the room. Trying to get a guy to notice you often takes little more than locking eyes with him. If you do make eye-contact, don’t look away. Smile briefly or wave before turning back to your phone.
3
Talk to him whenever you get the chance. Conversation is the best way to begin a connection with someone. It also shows your interest and lets you get to know each other, which allows you ample opportunities to flirt. Some conversation tips include:
- Find common ground to talk about. Maybe you like the same shows, both cook often, or grew up in the same neighborhood.
- Ask questions. Show your interest by asking about his life, not talking about yours.
- Make jokes. The occasional burst of humor can be a great way to show a guy you're interested on the sly.
4
Be personable and approachable. He should be able to talk to you without feeling like he's invading. Separate yourself from large groups of friends occasionally, smile often, and give him the chance to come find you without feeling overwhelmed.
5
Make the first move. Most guys love it when they are approached by a woman. Have confidence in how amazing you are, then take a deep breath and walk right up to him to start a conversation.
- Buy him a drink.
- Ask him a question about himself, the surroundings, his shirt, etc.
- Casually mention him by saying “I saw you across the bar earlier, what’s your name?”
6
Tease him gently. Giving someone a little grief is actually a great way to get a guy’s attention. Make sure your jokes are not about anything serious, but it’s okay to give him a hard time if he spills a drink or says something silly. Teasing is often at the root of flirting, cause it shows that you are willing to have fun and be a bit silly.
- Make sure you’re willing to be teased back – it means he is trying to flirt with you.^{[4]
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Warnings

Don't look at him every spare second you have, this may make him uncomfortable if he does not yet see you as a potential girlfriend.

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Do not act like a total fake and you know everything or act like who you are not, that is a total turn-off.

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