How to Tell if a Man Is Married when Online Dating

Co-authored by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 27, 2022 References

You’re chatting with the perfect guy who says all the right things—why, then, do you still have a weird feeling that something is off? Your gut might be trying to tell you that he’s being shady, and it could indicate that he’s not actually single. Read through the signs that Mr. Right might actually be married to learn what to watch out for and when to leave him on read.

1

His photos are blurry or dark.

He may be trying to disguise himself or hide his identity. When people make online dating profiles, they usually pick the best, most flattering pictures of themselves that they can find. If the guy you’re chatting with only has a couple of photos and they look grainy or dark, that’s not a good sign. He might be hoping that it’s enough to hide his face from people who might know him.^{[1]
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- His profile might also not contain a photo at all, which is another red flag.

2

His profile doesn’t have much personal info.

People take out identifying information so they don’t get caught. When you check out his online profile, does it include his full name, where he lives, and what he likes to do for fun? Or is it pretty bare-bones, with just his name and not much else? If that’s the case, he might be trying to hide his identity from a spouse or anyone who could stumble across his profile.^{[3]
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- This is especially true if he seems cagey or nervous about revealing too much information about himself.

3

He won’t tell you his last name.

A single guy should have no problem telling you his full name. On some dating sites, you only have to provide a first name. If you ask this guy for his last name and he avoids the question, that's a bad sign. It mostly likely means he doesn’t want you to look him up and discover that he’s married.^{[4]
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- Knowing someone’s last name is also a safety issue. If he hasn’t told you his full name before you meet up, think twice about going to see him. There's no good reason for a person to hide their identity.

4

He doesn't link to his social media.

Most dating sites give you the option to link to Instagram or Facebook. If your guy doesn’t do that, it’s not necessarily a red flag on its own—maybe he just doesn’t like social media. But, if it’s combined with other suspicious behavior, he might be hiding something. Most married men have photos of their spouses and kids on social media.

5

He only contacts you at certain times of the day.

He might be reaching out when he’s at work or away from his spouse. It's a bit suspicious if you get texts or messages from him during very specific times. For example, a married man might talk to you frequently during the day (when he’s at work) but go radio silent at night.^{[5]
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6

He can’t talk or hang out on weekends.

Most married men are busy with their families on the weekend. If you propose a time to hang out on the weekend and he shoots you down, that’s a red flag. Single people usually have no problem clearing out a Saturday or a Sunday, but a married man would have a hard time sneaking away.
- It's also a bit unusual if he repeatedly asks you out on weeknight dates.

7

He always dictates the time/place of your meetup.

Single guys tend to be more flexible with their schedules. You may want to take a step back if he always controls where and when your dates take place. He might be a married man, but it could also indicate that he’s a controlling person in general.
- A married guy will pick places where he’s won't be spotted by anyone he knows. For example, it's a bit suspicious if you suggest a spot that’s close to him and he immediately shoots you down.

8

He says he has a roommate.

He’ll probably be pretty vague about the roommate's personal details. For example, a married man might tell you that he can’t talk because his “roommate” is home, but he never mentions his roommate by name. Or, he might say he has to stay in to help his “roommate,” but he never says why.
- If you ask about this roommate, he probably won’t tell you their name or offer to introduce you.

9

His relationship status is “complicated.”

That may be code for “in a relationship.” If he starts telling you about how wild his love life is right now or the complicated nature of his relationship, it could be a sign that he’s married. People tend to use these phrases when they don’t want to go into detail about their lives.
- Watch out for men who claim to be “separated,” too. Separation doesn’t equal divorce.

10

He only wants to talk about you.

Are you the only one sharing details about your personal life? After you've been chatting for a while, scroll back through your messages to see how much you’ve talked about yourself and compare it to how much he's talked about his own life. A married man will probably be vague and find a way to wiggle out of answering simple questions.^{[6]
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- For instance, if you ask him, “Where did you go to college?” he might reply with something like, “Oh, just a state school in Virginia. What did you major in?”
- Or, if you ask, “What do you do for work?” he may respond with something vague like, “Just computer stuff, it’s pretty boring. How are you liking your job?”

11

He only talks to you about sex.

Married men looking for flings aren't interested in getting to know you.^{[7]
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Research source} A married guy looking for a brief affair may ask for sexts or nudes right off the bat and encourage you to meet up soon after. If you're not looking for a hookup, feel free to pump the brakes on your conversation.^{[8]
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- Plenty of single guys are just interested in hookups and some married men want emotional relationships, so this alone isn’t the best indicator.