How to Win a Girl's Heart

Last Updated: October 26, 2022 References Approved

Are you struggling everyday with watching the love of your life being flattered by other potential lovers, knowing that you yourself are the only one who loves her truly? Jealousy, hatred, and a feeling of loss might all come to life during this time. But what you really need to do is win that person's heart. Read on to learn how.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Starting Out

1
Don't come on too strong early. Let the relationship develop at its own pace. Coming on too strong early will almost certainly creep her out. Gradually get stronger feelings for her as you go on with the relationship together.
2
Be brave. Most girls like people with confidence, not an ego.^{[1]
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Research source} Just walk up to her and start a simple conversation. She'll get the hint that you are interested in her. Start with a simple conversation starter:
- "That's a really nice dress. Where is it from?"
- "I'm sorry, I'm new here. Can you tell me where the library is?"
- "Hi, my name is [your name]. You look like you're interesting to talk to. Do you mind if I steal a couple minutes of your time?"
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3
Be around other girls. This is not the same thing as flirting with other girls, which is probably not a good move. Being around other girls tells the girl that you're really interested in that other girls find you safe, reliable, and easy to be around.^{[2]
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Research source} If you get other girls to indirectly vouch for you like this, you've made a big step.
- Make friends with her friends if it's not too big of a step. We know that it can be overwhelming, but just try. If her friends like you, you'll have a better chance of winning her over. After all, girls often turn to their friends for advice and for a second opinion. Make sure they have a high opinion of you.
4
Have good hygiene. Women take pride in smelling clean and looking kempt! That means if a man has good hygiene, it works really well on her. The opposite, bad hygiene, is usually an immediate deal-breaker.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} Believe it or not, fresh, clean-smelling hair is a really good thing. And, a fresh-smelling body is a must-have. Here are three things that you can do right now to improve your hygiene:
- Rain or shine, sweat or not, shower daily. If you can afford it, it's better to be too-clean than not clean enough. Take pride in how clean you are and in smelling nice. Especially if you play sports, this step is a must.
- Shave or groom your facial hair daily. Most women like men who don't carry facial hair: it's prickly and unlikely to look good unless you're an adult. So shave that stubble away every day.
- Use deodorant, not cologne. A lot of guys think they can "mask" the scent of their natural body odor with cologne. Instead, the BO and cologne just mixes together to create a very bad odor. Girls would rather not smell you at all than smell this cologne-creation. If you must spray on cologne, spray it on very lightly.
5
Make her laugh. You'll get a lot further this way. But don't take advantage of this. Let her be your best friend first, then ease into things. A girl needs to know that she can trust you, and that you're not going to break her heart because you really do care about her.
6
Be sincere. Compliments, flirting, teasing, carefulness -- none of it matters unless you truly do care. When you do decide to compliment her, take time to reflect on what you like about her, summon up the courage to tell her, and be sincere.
- It's okay to disagree with her, as long as you don't threaten her, you respect her opinion, and you offer good reasons about why you believe differently. Who knows? She might even respect you more for speaking your mind, because it shows how much of an individual you are.
7
Prove that you really like her. Show that you're not simply crushing or lusting for her. Ask her about herself, talk to her. Don't just move in for the kiss. Listen to her and look her in the eye.
8
Compliment her. Complimenting a girl is tough: every person wants to feel good about themselves, but the right compliment is really hard to come by. Not only that, a little complimenting goes a long way. Pay attention to these guidelines when you're ready to start showing you like her more than just a friend:
- Reinforce how she views herself. If she thinks of herself as an athlete, reinforce her competitive spirit or athletic skills. If she thinks of herself as a thinker, praise her smarts. Whatever she thinks of herself as, compliment that aspect of her the most.
- Stick with safe compliments about her personality. Don't compliment her feminine areas, or too much about her looks; while girls want to feel pretty, they also want to feel like you respect them just as much for their smarts and personality. If you do want to compliment a girl on her looks, stick to these areas:
  - Smile
  - Hair
  - Eyes
  - Lips
  - Clothes
  - Style
- Try out some compliments like these. They're a rough sketch, so try to think of your own that are more appropriate for the occasion and the girl.
  - "I'm sorry this is pretty awkward, but I get really nervous around pretty girls."
  - "Maybe you get this a lot, but I love the way your mind works."
  - "I like how the color of your eyes matches your dress. Does one of your parents also have blue eyes?"

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting to Know Her

1
Remember her eye color. Do this by looking at them as much as you can when you're talking with her. It wouldn't be a bad idea to do this for every woman you meet.
2
Practice flirting with her. You've probably started flirting with her a little bit by complimenting her and talking with her. Now it's time to step it up a notch and really show her what your game is about.
- Whatever you do, visualize success and be confident. You can't flirt if you're not confident in your abilities to win her over. So do whatever gets you pumped up, or wait until you've scored the winning touchdown or won the science fair, and start flirting.
- Break the touch barrier. Gently start touching her in safe, non-threatening areas. Touch her hand lightly when you make a point or tell the kicker to a joke; rub her back quickly when you're reassuring her about something; touch the top of her shoulder when you want to get her attention.^{[4]
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  Research source}
- Playfully tease her. Preferably, tease her about something that she's confident about or good at, so that she knows that you're teasing her instead of insulting her. If she's great at school, for example, say something like "I wouldn't want to be on a science project with you, because that means I'd be pulling all the slack."
EXPERT TIP

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Don't rush physical contact. A lot of guys will walk up to a girl and start touching her within just a minute or two. Instead, give her time to get comfortable around you before you touch her at all.
3
Don't play games. It's a waste of time and gets a relationship headed in the wrong direction. If you try to start a relationship on something false (like you say you've had a multi-year relationship yet you've never even had a girlfriend), that is most likely where you will end up. If you think the girl is only in the relationship for one thing, and you're in it for another, don't just play along to keep her with you. Tell her what you're looking for and try to make her see what really counts.
- Don't play hard to get unless you're sure it'll work. Believe it or not, some guys try to play hard to get. And most of the time, it fails because the girl misinterprets his distance for coldness.
4
Be reliable. Most girls want to have someone they can trust and turn to when something goes wrong. And even when she is having a good day, let her know you're interested in how she's doing. If you know that she has plans after work or school, ask her how it went. If you let on that you like her, she'll eventually pick up on the hints. You don't even have to come out and say it.
- If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you talk the talk, be prepared to walk the walk. Girls (and guys, for that matter) hate it when people say they'll do something but never follow through. Don't be that guy.
- Polish your reputation. Don't have the reputation of someone that she might not want to date. That means:
  - Treating other girls nicely and not harassing them.
  - Having good friends who are likely and willing to vouch for you when you need it.
  - Being somebody who is generally well-liked, respected, and admired.
5
Let her wear your jacket if she's cold. It makes an even bigger impression if you take it off of your back and give it to her to wear, but make sure it's clean and smells decent. In doing this, you show a girl that you care about her. She will feel safe and cared for.
6
Be interested in who she is. Ask her about her day. It's a simple way to show her that you are interested in what she does, and that you do care. When she starts to talk, you must give her your full attention. Look her in the eye. Most importantly, don't interrupt. Ask her questions to show her that you were listening, and offer your opinion if you have one.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Sealing the Deal

1
Share in her emotions. If she gets a perfect score on her math test, be cheerful about it! If she is having a bad day, let her know that you feel her pain and that you want her to feel better. Ask her if there is any way that you can make her feel better.
- If you know of a surefire way to cheer her up, use it when she's down. Maybe she likes a special kind of fro-yo that's only available two towns south. Maybe she's excited about teddy-bears that they make her laugh. Whatever it is, go the extra mile to help show her what she means to you.
2
Love her for her quirks. Everyone has something they don't like about the person they love, but if you have too many big things on that list, that's trouble. You need to love her for the things that make her special, for her uniqueness. Tell her so.
- If she's insecure about something, for example, you'd have a golden opportunity to make her feel better. Say something like: "I love your freckles. They really highlight your beauty." A simple thing like that could boost her spirits and show her that you like her for the right reasons.
- Be especially careful about her insecurities. Most girls (and guys, too) are insecure about some aspect of their personality and/or looks. As you get to know her, you'll probably come to know and understand that insecurity more. Don't call attention to it, be forgiving of it, and encourage her to look at all the other traits that make her wonderful.
3
Make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. You can actually directly say that. Girls love to be complimented and to know that they are beautiful, but don't overdo it, particularly in a new friendship. Just saying something like, "You look really nice today" will make her happy. As long as you're sincere and mean it. If you are not, they will not trust your opinion on other things.
4
Develop great communication skills. Share interesting things that you're thinking, or stories about people you've come across. You've probably asked a lot of questions about her, but maybe she doesn't know all that much about you. Share the parts of yourself that you're comfortable sharing, and maybe even the parts of yourself you're still scared to reveal.
- If she's shown parts of herself that are vulnerable, don't be afraid to show her little bits of pieces of yourself that you're vulnerable about, too.
- Put yourself in her shoes. What does she like talking about? How does she respond to criticism? What makes her different than other girls? What does she pride herself on? Answer these questions from her perspective and plan accordingly.
5
Ask her out on a date if you haven't already. Getting to the date stage is the hardest part. Once you've gone on a few dates, you'll find out pretty quickly whether she's still the stuff of your dreams. But getting there can be difficult. Luckily, you're confident, calm, and you have a plan:
- You don't have to say it's a date to ask her out. Things can get awkward if you call it a date. Instead, say something like: "Hey, so I got two tickets to that new movie on Saturday, and my friend bailed. Would you want to go?"
- Increases your chances of success on a date by doing something exciting, something that raises her heart rate. Maybe a haunted house, or a theme park with roller coasters, or a horror movie. Dates that are exciting have a better chance of promoting a bond between you two because you feel like you've been through something together.^{[5]
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  Research source}
- Be a gentleman. Open doors for her, be on time, pay for the date, and don't expect a kiss on the first date. Move at her pace and make her feel comfortable. If you make her feel comfortable at every step, she should melt into your arms.
EXPERT TIP

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Make sure she's ready before you try to kiss her. One common dating mistake that men make is what I call the lunge. They're chatting with a woman or they're on a date, and he's afraid to make a move, so he barely flirts with her. Then, at the end of the night, he lunges in for a kiss abruptly, and it ends up being very awkward.
6
Let her know you love her, always. Love who she is, inside and out. And show it. This is the most important step. If she knows you love her she will be more keen on the relationship.

Warnings

Do not cheat on her.

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Never talk about her behind her back, because she will find out.

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Never rebound with another girl straight after a relationship. If you have recently broken up with a girl, don't get in a relationship too quickly with anyone afterward; this could show the girl that you never even loved her.

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If she says no, don't keep trying. A no means no.

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