How to Write a Check As a Wedding Gift

Co-authored by Karen Brown

Last Updated: July 8, 2021

Writing a check as a wedding gift can be difficult to do successfully. The gesture can feel impersonal, both to the giver and the recipient, as a check lacks the personalized touch brought by purchasing or creating a gift for the bride and groom. However, it's not impossible to tastefully give a check as a wedding gift. In fact, many people who marry prefer to receive money to more traditional gifts, as the cash can then be spent on whatever the couple pleases, especially if both people getting married already have fully-decorated living spaces.^{[1]
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Research source} You'll need to find a way to personalize the gesture, and to show that it's meant to carry meaning.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Deciding a Practical Way to Give a Check

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Mail the check to avoid it being misplaced at the wedding. Unlike a set of towels, a cutlery collection, or a kitchen appliance, checks are small and lightweight, and consequently easy to misplace. If the wedding couple opens their gifts (or their cards) during the reception, your check could easily be lost or misplaced. To avoid this confusion, mail the check, either before or after the wedding.^{[2]
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- Concerning wedding etiquette, it's appropriate to mail a check any time before the wedding, or shortly after the wedding. Do not wait more than three months post-wedding to mail the check.^{[3]
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- If you mail the check, address it to a permanent address where you know one or both members of the couple will receive the check.
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Take travel into account. If you're flying or driving across the country—or even across the state line—to attend this wedding, it may be impractical and expensive to bring a large, bulky gift with you.^{[4]
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Research source} In instances like this, a check is the more convenient and practical option.
- If you're traveling to a destination wedding, giving a check can solve much of the hassle associated with bringing a gift to a distant location.
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Give a gift card instead of a check. Consider giving the couple a gift card to a place that has personal meaning to one or both of them. The gift card could be to one of their favorite stores or restaurants. Gift cards do not need to be physically taken to the bank and cashed, which makes them much more convenient for the recipient.
- If you know where the couple has registered—for example, Target or Bed Bath and Beyond—you can purchase a gift card to that location, so the couple can purchase items on their registry if they choose to.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making the Check Meaningful to the Married Couple

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Put the check in a greeting card. Do not simply sticking a check in an envelope and mail it. This will come across as impersonal, and even lazy. Instead, enclose the check in a nice greeting card, and handwrite a personal message inside.
- Address the card to both bride and groom, and congratulate them on their wedding. Include a personal statement, such as addressing a shared memory.
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Make out the check to only one of the individuals getting married. That way, the couple does not have to wait for a joint bank account to get setup before one of them can deposit the check. For example, so that the check may be endorsed and cashed by either individual, do not make it payable to John AND Jane, but to John OR Jane.^{[5]
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- This will be especially helpful if the couple has not yet set up their joint bank accounts. The individual that you wrote the check to will be able to cash or deposit the money, without having to wait for a new bank account to be created.
- If either member of the couple is changing their last name, address the check to the individual using their maiden name. Otherwise, they'll have to wait for the legal name change to go through before they can cash the check, which could take months.
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Consider gift-wrapping the check. If you'd like to opt for a fancier presentation, rather than enclosing the check in an envelope, you can gift-wrap it. Find a small box, put the check inside, and wrap the box in nice paper with a ribbon around it.
- Envelopes containing greeting cards can be mislaid or accidentally thrown away. A box with some size and weight is much less likely to be lost.
- Even if you gift-wrap the check, still include a note card with a personal message.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Deciding How Much Money to Give

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Give an amount that has meaning to both you and the couple. Rather than writing a check for a generic amount of money—$15, $25, $50—you can give the couple a more specific amount. This will show that you've put thought into the gift, and that you're not simply writing them a check out of convenience.
- For example, if you have gone out to dinner with the couple in the past, give them enough money to have dinner again at your favorite restaurant. Make it clear that the money is for this purpose in your note in the card.
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Consider what your budget can handle. Don't put a strain on your budget just to make a show of generosity to the couple getting married. Decide how much you can afford to give, think about how much the couple might like to receive (for example, are they planning to make a down payment on a house in the near future?), and make your decision from there.^{[6]
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- When considering how much to give, take your relationship with the couple into account. If you're intimate friends or a close family member, it would be appropriate to give a larger sum than if you're only distant acquaintances.
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Consult the traditional etiquette scale. Of course, you should take your own budget into account, or evaluate how much you would have spent on a tangible gift. But if you're utterly at a loss when deciding how much money to make the check out for, consider the guidelines proposed by wedding-etiquette experts.^{[7]
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- If you're a co-worker or distant family friend or relative: $50–75.
- If you're a relative or friend: $75–100.
- If you're a close relative or a close friend: $100–150.

Expert Q&A

Question

How much money should I give as a wedding gift?

Karen Brown
Wedding & Event Planner
Karen Brown is the Founder and Creative Director of Karen Brown New York, a full service event planning company. Karen has planned hundreds of successful weddings, corporate parties, award ceremonies, product launches, galas, and fundraisers over the past decade throughout the United States, Mexico, and Canada.

Karen Brown

Wedding & Event Planner

Expert Answer

One rule of thumb you can follow is that your wedding gift should be equal to the amount that the couple spent for you to be a guest at their wedding. For example, if the bride and groom spent $150 per person for food and beverage, you would give cash or a gift that is equal to that amount.
Question

How should the gift envelope be addressed?

Community Answer

You can address the gift envelope however you please. You can use both first names if you're close friends; the only thing to avoid is "Mr. and Mrs. [his first name] Last Name."
Question

What should I write on the card?

Community Answer

It would be appropriate to write a short, personal note. Congratulate both parties on their marriage, and wish them many happy years together. If you're a close friend or family member, Write a short personal statement, which could be in reference to a shared anecdote or personal memory.

Warnings

Gifts are sometimes, but not always, opened at the wedding reception. More often, however, they are opened by the couple long after the wedding is over. Check your bank statement from time to time. If the check has not been cashed within a few weeks, contact the couple to make sure they received it.

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