How to Act Around Guys

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: March 10, 2023

It’s not always easy to know how to act around guys. Though it’s important to always be yourself, you may be nervous when it comes to knowing what to talk about or how to really connect with guys that you may not like romantically. All you really have to do around guys is maintain your confidence, be a great conversationalist, and keep up your sense of humor.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Knowing What to Do

1
Find common ground. One thing you can do around guys is to look for things you have in common so you can get an interesting conversation going. It doesn’t have to be super deep and can be as simple as your mutual affection for Community or your lifelong love for the Cubs. Look at the guy’s clothes, binders, or notebooks for clues about what you may have in common and start a lighthearted discussion about it.
- You don’t have to find it immediately. If you get a guy talking for a few minutes or more, you’ll be able to latch on to something pretty soon. This is better than coming right out and asking him what all of his favorite bands, hobbies, or movies are, though you can get around to that eventually.
- You can also check out a guy’s Facebook profile for hints of the stuff he likes, if you’re nervous about striking up a conversation.
- If you both like the same activities, you might invite him to join you sometime. For instance, if he likes going on hikes, you could invite him to hike with you over the weekend.

^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}

1
Be yourself instead of someone else. Though “be yourself” may sound like super corny advice, it can be the best advice you get. If you really want guys to like you and to get to know you, then all you can do is to be the person you were meant to be. Of course, if you want to wait for them to really get to know you or avoid topics that may be more suited for your girlfriends, that’s fine, but you shouldn’t change who you are just to fit an idea of what the guys may expect you to do or say.^{[2]
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- When you talk to a guy, don’t act like a version of a girl you think he might like more, and don’t try to mimic one of the most popular girls in your high school. This won’t get you nearly as far as sharing your true self with others.
- If you’re more shy, you don’t have to put it all out there at once. Just open up to guys little by little as you become friends with them.
2
Dress in a way that makes you comfortable. You can wear whatever makes you feel good. If you like babydoll dresses, then wear them all you want. If you’re into leggings and long shirts, skirts and tanktops, or jeans and t-shirts, then that’s fine, too. You shouldn’t wear clothes that are tighter or more revealing than you’re comfortable with just to fit an image of what you think guys are into. You’ll look the best when you’re clearly comfortable with what you’re wearing.^{[3]
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Research source}
- Don’t feel like you’re limited to one style or image, whether you’re more grungy or super girly. You can rock leather jeans one week and a pink babydoll dress the next. What matters is that you feel like yourself in whatever you wear.
3
Be friendly — to everyone. You may think that guys will think you’re cool if you’re mean to people whom you deem unworthy of you or somehow inferior, but in fact, the best thing to do is to be friendly to everyone around unless they give you a reason not to be. Whether you’re talking to the quiet guy in your homeroom for the first time or striking up a conversation with the new guy in school, make a point of having a smile on your face, asking questions, and being friendly. Guys will see that you’re a person they want to be around.
- If you’re more shy, then you don’t have to suddenly become super outgoing. But you should make an effort to at least smile and wave at people and to introduce yourself to new people when you can.
4
Show a real interest in them. If you want to have a great time hanging out with guys, then you have to show that you really care about them, whether you like them romantically or not. Just show that you care by asking them questions about their lives, complimenting them, looking like you care about how they’re feeling, and making eye contact when you talk to them. Don’t switch the conversation to yourself every chance you get or keep checking your phone when they’re trying to talk to you. Instead, take the time to let them know they matter.
- Of course, it can be tricky to let a guy know you care about him when you don’t have romantic feelings for him. Just be fun and friendly and make it clear that you’re only looking for friendship.
5
Wow them with your confidence. You may think that every girl but you is feeling confident about who she is, what she does, and how she looks. However, you’d be surprised by just how many girls are plagued by insecurity and try to mask it with a big smile or a mean attitude. You can be better than that. Work on loving the person who you are, being kind to the people around you, and feeling capable of doing anything.^{[4]
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Research source} If you have a positive attitude and a great energy, then guys will like being around you.
- Don’t talk about how much weight you need to lose or how much you hate being tall. Instead, focus on the things you like about yourself.
- Of course, it can take years to truly love yourself. But you can take steps in this direction by accepting what you can’t change and working on changing what you can.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Knowing What to Say

1
Talk about the things that actually interest you. You don’t want to change who you are just to get the attention of a guy, especially if it means pretending to love Star Wars or talking about a band you can’t stand for hours. Talk about your favorite TV shows, a great movie you just saw, the hobby you most care about, or really any of the things you care about, and guys will be drawn to your passion. Think about it as not being different from talking to your girlfriends about everyday things — except that you can avoid talking about the guys you like!^{[5]
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- The subject of your conversation is less important than making sure that you and the guys you talk to maintain a fair balance between talking and listening. Try not to dominate any conversation and leave room for other people to talk.
- If you’re talking to a guy one-on-one, try not to do more than about half the talking.
2
Know when you should change the subject. Though it’s important to feel comfortable actually talking about the things that matter to you, you should also be able to get a sense of when a guy is starting to lose interest. If you’ve been talking about your horse for twenty minutes and you see the guy shifting on his feet, checking his phone, or looking around for a friend who can give him a save, then you can shift subjects by asking him a question instead.
- Learn to read body language and facial expressions to see whether or not a guy is listening to you. If he’s listening, he’ll be making eye contact (unless he’s super shy or has a crush on you!), and turning his body toward you instead of away.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- If he's not interested, he might pull his leg away or lean further back. He might also be less active in the conversation and only give yes or no answers.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
3
Compliment them. One thing you can do is to offer a subtle compliment to a guy from time to time. You don’t have to tell him he has the world’s most beautiful eyes or that he’s a big hunk, but you can compliment a new shirt the guy is wearing, tell him he did great in yesterday’s basketball game, or just make a kind, lighthearted comment that lets the guy know you care. You don’t have to actually have a crush on the guy to give him a compliment, either.
- You can say something like, “You’re so good at chemistry. How do you do it?” Or, “You have such a unique laugh. I could tell it was you from the other side of the hall.”
4
Ask them questions. If you want to have a good time hanging out with guys, then you should ask them about themselves from time to time without interrogating them. You can get to know them little by little and show that you care about the things that matter to them. You don’t need to interview them, but you should ask them a question or two in the course of a conversation.^{[8]
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Research source} Here are some things you can ask them about to show them you care:
- Their favorite bands
- Their hobbies
- Their favorite TV shows, movies, or actors
- Their weekend plans
- Their pets
5
Be okay with poking fun at yourself. Guys like girls who don’t take themselves too seriously. While it’s not attractive to actually put yourself down or to make fun of yourself in a real way, like saying that you’re fat, that you’re stupid, or that you hate something about yourself, some light humor can show that you’re a fun, easygoing person. This is different from bad-mouthing yourself in hopes that someone will give you some attention; just learn to laugh at yourself and the rest of your life will be much easier.
- For example, you can make a comment like, “Big surprise, I tripped again,” or, “I wonder how many more pink sweaters I can wear,” to show guys that you’re aware of your goofy or endearing qualities while not being committed to perfection.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Avoiding Common Mistakes

1
Don’t act like a girly girl if that’s not who you are. If you would describe yourself as a girly girl, like to wear dresses and emphasize your feminine qualities, then you should keep doing that. But if you’re more of a tomboy, then you should be proud to be who you are and not try to giggle more than usual, play with your hair more than usual, or just change who you are to be more girly because you think that’s what guys want. The most important thing is that you act like yourself, and guys will be impressed.
- You can also mix it up. If you’re more of a tomboy but want to put on a dress or a skirt once in a while, no one is stopping you.
2
Don’t get your girlfriends to talk to guys for you. If you have a crush on a guy and have something to say to him about it, then make sure you do it yourself. Sure, it’s easier and less stressful to have one of your friends talk to the guy for you to tell him what you’re thinking, but if you do it yourself, you’ll start an easier flow of communication and the guy will be impressed by your confidence. The worst that can happen is that he may not return your feelings, but at least you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you had the courage to talk to him to begin with.
- If you’re really shy about telling a guy you like him in person, you can pass him a note or talk to him online. The most important thing is that it’s coming from you directly.
3
Don’t laugh at everything. Again, another misconception girls have about how to act around guys is that they want girls who are laughing all the time. Of course, if the guy you’re around is genuinely funny, you can laugh all you want, but you should avoid laughing if you’re doing it only because you think it’ll make people like you more. You can laugh, but you should also have jokes of your own to share, too. You don’t want people to think you’re just a laugh track.
- When a guy is genuinely funny, you can crack up all you want. But you should avoid doing it just because you think it makes you look cute.
4
Don’t try to show off. You may also think that guys like girls who talk about how much money their purse cost, which celebrities are following them on Twitter, or other things that may superficially make you more interesting. Instead, talk about the things you actually care about, and guys will be impressed. If you do something that is worth bragging about, then the guys will find out some other way because other people will be praising you.
- Just work on being the best person you can be and guys will be impressed by what you do, whether you’re amazing at learning foreign languages or have an unstoppable tennis serve.
5
Don’t make fun of other girls. You may think that guys will think it’s funny if you put other girls down or talk about the random drama you’re experiencing. However, most guys actually prefer girls who are chill and who don’t complain about their friends and who don’t feel the need to put other people down just to feel better about themselves. If you actually say nice things about girls who aren’t there and avoid gossip, guys will like you more because they’ll see that you’re easygoing and drama free and will be drawn to you.
- If you put down other girls, then it’ll be a sign of your insecurity, and guys will see that you’re only doing it to try to make yourself look better. Instead, praise other girls to show how comfortable you are with what you have to offer.

Warnings

Don't suffocate him. Give him some space.

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Steer clear of any guys who lie, cheat, or makes you do anything you don't want to do.

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Don't ever stereotype guys and assume that they are all the same. Just like girls, every guy is different. So if something worked for one guy, don't assume it will work for them all.

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Try not to stare at him 24/7. He'll get a little annoyed and uncomfortable with it.

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Be careful if he invites you to participate in an activity that you and your girl friends wouldn't normally do. Be open to new things, but use sense.

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Let him talk to other girls. Don't be over-possessive. Don't say things like, "Get away from him, he's mine!" Most guys don't like that.

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Don't act like a drama queen around him. Most guys don't like that kind of behavior.

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Don't ditch your friends. Guys like girls who are loyal and he will be happy you're not living in his pocket.

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Don't let a friend do all the talking.

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Avoid talking about other guys you think are cute around him.

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Never go too fast, but don't move too slow either. If you're too fast, it'll scare him. But if you go too slow, he might lose interest.

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Don't over-do the jokes, it'll make you look like you're trying too hard.

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Don't be mean or say anything mean, even if you think it's a joke.

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Don't be an obnoxious flirt.

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Don't lead a guy on. Not only will you break his heart and lose his respect, and you will probably lose some serious respect from his friends too.

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Whatever you do, do what you truly want to be or do, not what you think he wants you to be or do. It's true with your girlfriends too. You'll feel much better in the long run.

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