How to Apologize to a Girl over Text

Last Updated: March 31, 2022 References

There’s no worse feeling in the world than hurting someone you care about. If you said or did something to upset a girl in your life, you’ll want to apologize the right way so she’s more willing to forgive you. Apologizing over text can be tricky, but it’s not impossible if you go about it the right way!

Here are 10 tips to keep in mind whenever you’re apologizing to a girl over text.

1

Put yourself in her shoes.

Try to see where she’s coming from. Before you start texting her, take some time to think about how you might feel if someone hurt you the way you hurt her. Empathize with her to better understand where she’s coming from and what you can say to make up for your mistakes. Try to understand how she’s feeling and it can help you figure out what you need to say to make up for it.^{[1]
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- For instance, if you forgot her birthday, try imagining how it would make you feel if she forgot about yours.

2

Tell her that you’re wrong and you’re sorry.

Start out by admitting it. No need to beat around the bush. Come right out and tell her that you messed up. Tell her you’re really sorry and mean it.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} She may forgive you right away for being up front about it, or it may take some time for her to come around. But the important thing is that you’re willing to admit when you’re wrong and apologize for it.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- Send her something like, “I know I hurt you and I’m really sorry.” Keep it short, direct, and to the point.
- Even if you weren’t fully in the wrong, you may be able to fix things by taking the first step and apologizing.

3

Take responsibility for your actions.

Own up to your mistakes and avoid making excuses. Tell her that whatever you did to hurt her is your fault. Don’t try to shift the blame on anyone or anything else. She may be much more open to accepting your apology if you’re honest and willing to accept that what you did was wrong.^{[4]
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- If you did something like forget to text her back or call her when you said you would, you could try something like, “It’s totally my fault. I messed up.”
- If you’re willing to own your mistakes, she may admit to her own. For instance, if she got angry and yelled at you for ignoring her calls while you were busy, you could say something like, “I should have told you I wouldn’t be able to check my phone. That’s my mistake.” She may then apologize for getting upset.

4

Express remorse for what you did.

Show her that you feel bad for hurting her. Go the extra step past simply admitting your mistakes and explain how badly you feel about hurting her. Talk about what emotions you’re feeling and how much you regret your words or actions.^{[5]
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- For instance, if you blew her off all weekend and it hurt her feelings, you could say something like, “I’m so sorry. I’ve been sick to my stomach all day about it. I’m so sorry I hurt you, I wish I could take it all back.”

5

Talk about why you were wrong.

Show her you understand the seriousness of your actions. Mistakes are oftentimes more complex than simply one wrong word or act. Explore all of the reasons your behavior negatively affected her. Demonstrate how much you recognize you hurt her so she may be more likely to appreciate and forgive you.^{[6]
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- For instance, if you didn’t notice or mention her new haircut and it hurt her feelings, you could apologize and text something like, “I know you were trying something new and you wanted to see what I thought about it. It takes guts to take a chance like that and it’s really not okay that I didn’t ask you about it or tell you what I thought.”

6

Don’t try to justify your mistakes.

Keep the focus of your apology on her not yourself. Similarly to avoiding trying to make excuses or shift the blame for your actions, it’s also important that you not try to deflect or minimize your behavior. It’ll make it seem like you don’t respect her feelings. Don’t make your apology about yourself. Instead, talk about how you’ve affected negatively them and how much you regret it.^{[7]
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- For example, try messaging, “I know I hurt your feelings and I’m so sorry” instead of “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

7

Let her talk about her feelings.

It may help her heal from the damage you’ve done. An apology is really the first step for reconciling with a girl that you hurt. Try not to do all of the talking or keep the conversation focused solely on how sorry you are. Ask her what she thinks and how she feels after you make your apology. Give her a chance to express herself.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- Keep it simple and send something like, “Can you tell me what you’re thinking?” or “How are you feeling about things?”

8

Tell her you want to make up for your mistakes.

Offer to make amends and improve your future behavior. Ask her if there’s something you can do to make things right. Show her you’re ready and willing to do whatever it takes to fix any damage your mistakes have made.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- Try something like, “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to make it up to you. I can do whatever it takes, just give me a chance.”

9

Ask her to forgive you.

It may help her let go of her anger. After you’ve apologized, admitted your mistakes, and tried to make amends, ask her if she’s willing to accept your apology and forgive you. She may need some time to think it over, and that’s okay. Give her the time and space she needs. But she may also be ready to move on and let it go.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- Send her something like, “I’m so sorry I hurt you and I’ll do anything for another chance. Will you forgive me?”

10

Follow up in person.

Repeat what you expressed the next time you see her. It’s great to apologize over text to start patching things up between you and her, but you also need to follow through with your actions. Whenever you see her in person, tell her you’re sorry again and live up to any promises or commitments you made when you apologized.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- For instance, if you had to cancel plans last minute and you texted her to apologize, the next time you see her in person, say something like, “Hey, I’m so sorry again about the other day.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you apologize for unintentionally hurting someone?

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Patti Novak Williams is a Professional Matchmaker in Las Vegas, Nevada. With over 20 years of experience, Patti specializes in working with clients one on one to help them find love. She has helped match hundreds of couples, engagements, and marriages. Patti was the star of the critically acclaimed A&E series “Confessions of a Matchmaker.” She has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, the New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, TODAY with Hoda and Kathy Lee, The Rachael Ray Show, CBS’ The Early Show, CNN, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, The Nate Berkus Show, and Fox’s The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet. Patti published a book in 2008 with Random House titled “Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love.”

Patti Novak Williams

Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you unintentionally offended her, based on her reactions, the most natural forgiving thing is a provide a genuine apology such as “I'm so sorry. I did not mean to insult you or hurt your feelings.” It's an individual choice based on what happened and how she decides to handle and respond to it.

Warnings

Don’t push too hard if she’s not ready to talk to you or forgive you yet. It could drive her away for good.

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