How to Approach a Guy Anywhere

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: June 19, 2022 References

Do you have a grocery store crush? Maybe a guy in a different class that you pass in the hall? Want to start talking to these guys, to move them from stranger to date? Wikihow can help! With some simple tricks, you'll be talking to these guys in no time. Just see Step 1 below to get started.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Setting Up for Success

1
Practice talking to strangers. The best place to start if you want to begin talking with guys successfully is to just get better at talking to strangers. Talk to the clerk at the grocery store, strike up a conversation with the old lady in the park, talk to that guy in the sci-fi aisle at the book store....you get the idea. If you want to approach a guy in a way that comes across as normal, you have to do it the same way you'd approach anyone else, so practicing with normal people is the best way to get yourself prepared.^{[1]
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2
Take care of your appearance and smell. This is not to say that you have to look like a model, but you definitely shouldn't look like you just escaped the local insane asylum. Practice good hygiene and wear clean clothes that fit and flatter your body. You should also smell good for the same reason. Just shower and use deodorant. A little perfume can be nice, just don't overdo it.^{[2]
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3
Pay attention to them before talking. Don't just immediately rush over to a hot guy. Take a minute to look him over. You'll need to use what you see to make some guesses about what he might like to talk about and whether he'll be receptive. Look at their behavior and how they're interacting with the people around them. You should also look at what they're wearing. Wedding rings, no go. Items that look sentimental (like a hand knit hat), probably has a girlfriend. Do keep an eye out for things that can start a conversation though.
4
Avoid certain locations. Chatting up guys in some locations can be a bit off-putting. If he's clearly out with a business partner or boss, leave him alone. Public transportation is also a bad idea, since usually someone is tired or busy while taking public transit.
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Talk in places where there are other people. Do talk to them where there are other people around though. This can not only give you an excuse to talk, but it removes the feeling like you might be after something.
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Go in alone, if at all possible. Try to catch him when he's alone, but also avoid using a wing woman/man. This makes you seem too much like those pickup artist guys. A wing buddy shows that you do this a lot or in a calculated way, which sends the absolute wrong message to a guy.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Finding Excuses to Talk

1
Talk about something going on around you. When you're looking for an excuse to start a conversation with a guy, start with something that's going on around you. For example, you can comment on an event flier you see nearby ("Hey, do you live in this neighborhood? I see that there's a farmer's market but I've never been. Is it any good?"). You could also comment on another person, if you see someone doing something nice ("Did you see that? It's a shame you don't see that more often.").^{[3]
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2
Ask him a question. If you see that he's wearing something interesting, like a shirt with an event logo or university, you can ask him about it ("Have you actually gone to Burning Man? I've always want to go."). You can also ask him about an item you see him holding, like a book ("Is that book any good? I'm looking to add to my reading list for this summer.").^{[4]
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3
Pay him a compliment. Look at what he's wearing. If he's wearing something nice, he's probably pretty proud of it and paying him a compliment will be a great way to grab his attention. Especially if he's wearing nice shoes. Watches, ties, and cuff links are also often sources of pride.^{[5]
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4
Ask for his help with something small. Everyone likes to feel like they have a purpose, so help him feel like your hero in order to break the ice. Ask him if he'll help you reach something nearby. Ask him to hold your place in line while you grab something really quick (run and grab the nearest item around the corner). Ask him for directions. These can be great ways to start a conversation.^{[6]
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Pretend to know or remember him. Catch his eye and let him see you looking at him with a confused expression. Then, go up to him and say something like, "I'm really sorry to bother you, but I'm sure we've met before. I can't remember where but...I didn't want to be rude and make you feel like I was ignoring you." Then do a quick game of trying to figure out where you've met before. (Where do you work? Do you volunteer? etc...)

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Learning What to Say

1
Introduce yourself! Once you've broken that initial ice, it's a good idea to give a basic introduction. Just your first name will do. Anything more will seem overly personal.
2
Do not start off by asking him about his work. This is the classic move but it is best avoided. Asking a guy what he does for a living right off the bat (unless it is relevant to the conversation) gives him the impression that you're just a gold digger. Not the best way to start getting to know someone!
3
Focus the conversation on him. It's no fun to have a conversation with someone who's obviously just interested in talking about themselves, so give him information about you but take every opportunity to turn the conversation back around to him. So, for example, if he asks you a question about yourself, ask the same in turn of him.^{[7]
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- If you want to be likeable, you should like other people.
- You should show genuine interest in them and try to find out more about them.^{[8]
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- You can ask them questions and try to know what is exciting for them.^{[9]
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4
Use open questions. When you ask him questions, try to shoot for a healthy helping of open ended questions. These are questions that cannot be answered with a basic yes or no answer, helping to keep the conversation moving in an interesting direction. Open ended questions usually start with words like "why" or "how". "When" and "who" questions aren't likely to get you a long answer.
5
Find common ground. Ask him questions and try to tease out some things you have in common. It doesn't have to be much but it can help you bond and certainly keeps the conversation going. Ask him about his likes within the context of the conversation you're having. If his don't match up with yours, that's fine: just ask him why he feels the way he does with politeness and curiosity.
6
Read his cues. If he seems off-put, just back off. You're not going to get anywhere. Look for a closed body posture or him slightly backing away from you. Listen for how he responds when you talk. Is he giving the shortest answer possible and trying to close the conversation? These are bad signs. But if he's moving closer, giving long answers, or flirting a bit, you're in the gold.^{[10]
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Give him your number. If he seems open and responsive, however, you can give him your number! Don't give him a business card, in case he turns out to be a weirdo (you don't want him to show up at your office). Just a quick scribble on a spare piece of paper will do fine. We wish you the best of luck in your ventures!

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Getting Extra Help

1
Work on your confidence. Confidence will not only make guys more attracted to you (and attract the right kind of guys!), it will also make it easier for you to approach guys in the first place. Gaining confidence isn't so hard! Give yourself the opportunity to do things you're proud of and embrace the idea that you don't need to be perfect.^{[11]
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Learn the art of flirting! Flirting like a pro will make it way easier to make an impression and communicate your intentions to your Handsome Stranger. Just be careful not to be creepy!
3
Master chatting up strangers. It can be hard to learn how to have fun, comfortable conversations with strangers, but you can learn with some help and some practice.
4
Get better at talking to guys. You'll also want to get better at just talking to guys. While they can sometimes be a little harder to have a conversation with than a girl, it's mostly just about learning the right rhythms and what they like to talk about. You can do it!
5
Just ask him out! Being coy and hoping that he asks to see more of you will, more often than not, get you nowhere. Sometimes you just have to take the initiative! Don't feel bad: this only says good things about you to the right kind of guys.
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Start finding good guys. If meeting strangers only ends with you meeting guys who aren't actually all that great, you might want to consider trying to focus on finding good guys (rather than just attractive or interesting ones).

Warnings

There is no danger involved in approaching guys. Some guys might be in a bad mood and not respond well. That's not your fault! Some guys might be stupid and not realize a good thing when they see it. Some guys might have girlfriends already, and some other guys just won't be your type, but most guys will never be rude and tell you to get away from them or try to hurt your feelings, so you have nothing to fear. A lot of guys will love you :)

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