How to Ask Your Best Guy Friend Out

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

Last Updated: December 30, 2021 References

It's not uncommon to develop feelings for a friend. In fact, the emotional intimacy you feel in friendship is often similar to feelings of intimacy you would feel in a romantic relationship.^{[1]
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Research source} Many successful romantic relationships began as friendships. If you want to ask your guy friend out, it just takes a little time and courage. Spend a bit of time establishing that you're interested by flirting and becoming more physical. When you feel ready, ask him out in a straightforward manner. If you begin dating, work on a smooth transition from just friends to something more.

1

Watch for signs he's interested in you.

Try to get a sense of whether the feeling is mutual. If you sense mutual attraction, you may feel more comfortable eventually asking the guy out. Keep an eye out for signs of interest.^{[2]
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- Watch his body language. If a guy wants to be more than friends, he'll use many excuses to touch you. He may offer a hug upon seeing you for the first time. He may brush his fingers on your forearm. You may also catch him looking at you during odd times.
- He may also ask you questions to gauge whether you're interested. He may, for example, ask about your weekend plans. He may also ask if you have dates for certain events, and even offer to escort you as a friend.

2

Be confident around the guy.

If you want to be more than friends, work on conveying confidence around the guy. If you want him to return your attraction, simple confidence goes a long way.^{[3]
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- Many people feel inclined to be goofy or self-depreciating when first meeting people. While this tactic goes a long way in terms of making friends, it may falter when you're trying to attract a new romantic interest. Instead of jokingly poking fun at yourself, strive to convey confidence.
- You can be funny. Funny can be very charming, but stick to making jokes about topics other than yourself. Try to be comfortable with yourself in general, smiling, standing up straight, and participating in conversation without hesitance.

3

Start being more physical.

If you want to show you're interested, start getting a little more physical with the guy. Touch his forearm while talking. Sit closer to him than you usually would on the couch. Offer a hug when first seeing him at social events. A little physical contact can show you're interested in something more than friendship.

4

Flirt with him.

Flirtation is also key to showing a guy you're interested. This can help pave the way to asking him out. Aim for subtle flirting at first, as not to make the relationship too awkward.^{[4]
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- Brief eye contact can convey romantic interest. Catch the guy's gaze for a few seconds and then look away. You should also smile and act happy in general when around him.
- Try to mimic his body language. Do not be too obvious about this, but try to imitate his hand gestures and the way he's positioning his body. For example, if he's crossing his legs, cross your legs as well.

5

Be straightforward about what you want.

Go for it and ask him out! It's worth just giving it a shot and directly telling him how you feel–subtlety may not be your friend in this situation. If you're starting out as just friends, asking to get coffee or see a movie may not be enough to let the guy know it's a date. Make sure what you're asking is clear. Here are some things you can say:^{[5]
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- Try to say what you want outright with something like, "Hey, I really like you. Would you like to go on a date sometime?"
- Ask him how he feels, "Can I tell you something? I kind of like you... I was wondering, do you feel the same way?"
- Go for a hypothetical question if you're nervous, "Hi. Random question. What would you say if I told you I had a crush on you?"
- Talk about why you'd be good together, "I feel like we have a lot in common and there's some mutual attraction here. Would you want to go on a date with me?"
EXPERT TIP

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Trick: Use your conversations to come up with a fun date idea. For instance, if the person says they've never had Middle Eastern food, you might say, "Ok great, well that's where we're going next time we go out!"

6

Know that you cannot predict what he will say.

Uncertainty is a big setback when it comes to transitioning from friends to more than friends. Many people let the uncertainty of how a potential relationship will unfold hold them back. Accept there will be a lot of uncertainty when you try to push a relationship from friendship to something more.^{[6]
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- Understand you cannot predict another person's behavior. Try not to get too hung up on how the guy may react. Go into the situation with no expectations.
- It's okay to have some plan of what you're going to say. In fact, it can be helpful to have some small speech planned out to help yourself stay calm. However, avoid playing out scenarios in your mind regarding how the conversation may unfold, and how the guy may respond.

7

Take your time.

If you're feeling nervous, you may stumble over your words when asking someone out. Do not try to rush the question. Instead, go slowly and make sure you say exactly what you want to say.^{[7]
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- Take a few deep breaths before going into the conversation if you're feeling nervous.
- Try to talk slowly. People have a tendency to rush if they're feeling nervous, so make a point of saying one word at a time.

8

Show you care.

In the event you and your guy friend do end up as more than friends, you'll have to work to establish extra intimacy. In order to make it clear you're now more than friends, work to show you care.^{[8]
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- Leave your guy friend surprises. Write him a special note telling him how much you care. Buy him a small present now and then.
- Be more physically affectionate. Seek to hold hands and cuddle when you're together.

9

Reassure your guy friend you want the relationship.

Sometimes, the transition between friends and more than friends can be confusing. It's a good idea to take measures to make sure your guy friend knows you want the relationship as much as he does.^{[9]
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- It may be easier to communicate openly when you started out as friends. You can have open, honest discussions with your partner about what you want out of the relationship, and what expectations you have regarding a romantic relationship.
- At first, you may have to reassure your partner a lot that you want the relationship. Let your partner know about once a week for the first few months you're happy to be more than friends.

10

Socialize as a team.

Another way to solidify the transition is altering how you socialize. Try to stay together at parties. Interact with mutual friends as a couple instead of one-on-one. At parties, stay in the same conversations rather than talking to people individually. You'll feel more like a couple than friends if you start doing things as a "we" instead of a "you" and a "me."^{[10]
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11

Have patience.

It can take time for a friendship to feel like a romance. Try not to have high expectations in regards to what your relationship will look like. It will take awhile to feel like more than friends, and there may be awkward or confusing interactions along the way. If you're committed to being more than friends, allow the transition to happen gradually. Stay patient and remember, if you really care about this person, the relationship will be worth it in the long run.^{[11]
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12

Prepare for rejection.

When asking anyone out, there's always a risk of rejection. No matter how sure you are the feeling is mutual, you can't know for sure. Understand, going into the situation there's a chance the guy will say, "No." While you should not assume the worst, it's a good idea to prepare for the fact things may not go as well as you expected.
- Try to stay positive in the event you're rejected. Remember, the two of you are friends. Even if things will not work out romantically, try to value the fact you still have a solid friendship.

13

Remain busy and engaged with other social obligations.

If you're really interested in someone, especially someone who's also a friend, you may be inclined to clear your schedule to make room for a potential date. Refrain from doing so, however. If you make yourself completely available, while the other person remains occupied with his or her life, you risk creating an one-sided dynamic. You'll be left waiting for a text or call, while the guy carries on with his life.^{[12]
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- Keep up with existing social obligations and plans until you've made solid plans for a date. Do not, for example, clear you're weekend because you're planning to ask the guy out.
- Staying busy can also convey confidence, which can be attractive to many. Having your own life and obligations makes you look more desirable in the eye of the guy.

Community Q&A

Question

How do I ask my friend that likes me out?

Community Answer

Be straightforward. If you already know your friend likes you, this should take away some of the pressure. Ask if your friend wants to go out to the movies or to go get coffee. Make it clear that you're asking him out on a date.
Question

What if he is not into dating? How would I convince him to go out?

Community Answer

If someone is not interested in a relationship at this time, it's best not to push it. You do not want anyone to feel pressured into dating you, as this can lead to resentment.
Question

There is this guy and he is my best friend. All my friends think he likes me and I like him. What do I do?

Community Answer

If you're okay pursuing a romantic relationship, ask your friend out on a date. However, you may feel hesitance if you do not want to screw up the friendship. Think for awhile about the possible repercussions of dating a friend. Consider whether you could conceivably stay friends if the relationship ends.

Warnings

Transitioning into a romantic relationship can potentially affect your friendship. Be aware that you may be putting your friendship at risk by pursuing a romantic relationship.

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