How to Ask a Girl Out in Middle School

Last Updated: March 9, 2023 References Approved

Nobody said asking a girl out was easy -- especially not in middle school, when girls can be notoriously fickle and hard to read. But that doesn't mean it's impossible! If you make a game plan, keep your cool, and know how to win the girl over, then she'll be your girlfriend in no time. If you want to know how to ask a girl out in middle school, see Step 1 to get started.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Ready to Ask

1
Be friends first. If you want to ask out a girl in middle school, then you have to get to know each other a bit first. If they don't know you very well and you ask them out, they're probably more likely to say no. You don’t have to be best friends – and it’s probably better if you’re not, because you want to steer clear of The Friend Zone^{[1]
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Research source} – but it does help if you know each other a bit, so that you’re on her radar and so that she thinks you’re a nice guy. If she has no idea who you are or if all she has to go by is gossip or guesses, then she’ll have a less likely chance of saying yes when you ask her out.
- Be friendly. Say hi to her and use her name to show that you’re thinking about her.
- Make an effort in a group setting. Ask how her day is going or give her a light compliment.
- Pay just a little bit of attention to her. Wave to her if she walks past you in the halls or sits behind you in class.
- Remember that you don’t have to come on too strong to get her attention. In fact, playing hard to get a little bit will catch her eye even more.
2
Flirt with her a little bit. If you want her to go out with you, then you have to build up a bit of chemistry first. You have to be a little bit flirtatious to see if you two can manage to have some light banter, laugh together, and to have a real connection. You can compliment a new outfit she’s wearing, tease her a bit (if she’s not too sensitive) or just joke around in a way that makes her see that you like her.^{[2]
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Research source}^{[3]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- If you’re in a group setting, pay attention to her, but don’t monopolize her time. Make her want to flirt with you, too, instead of just having her wait for you to come her way.
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3
See if she likes you. Though there’s no way to know if she really likes you until you ask her out, you can look out for some signs that you've caught her eye. Knowing that she may have a thing for you can up your confidence when it’s time to pop the question. Here are some signs that she may like you:
- She may completely ignore you or pay a lot of attention to you in a group setting
- She may smile or blush when you catch her eye
- Her friends may whisper or giggle as they walk by you
- You just get a good, flirtatious feeling whenever the two of you talk
- Other people have teased you two about liking each other
- She always seems to be looking for excuses to talk to you
- Check how often she touches you and see if she makes a stupid excuse for it. This doesn't mean that if she touches you once or twice that she likes you.
4
Pick the right place and time to ask. If you want to ask her out, then you don’t have to pick the perfect place and time, but it does help if you pick a good opportunity to improve on your chances. If she wants to go out with you, then she’ll probably say yes under most circumstances, but you can improve your chances of getting the answer you want by picking a place that is pretty private without making the girl uncomfortable, and by picking a time when she’s in a good mood and not likely to be distracted or stressed out.
- You don’t have to wait around too long for the perfect opportunity to present itself. Girls in middle school can be pretty fickle, so if you feel like you have a pretty good opportunity to ask her out, go for it instead of waiting for the perfect one.
5
Think of something you can do together. When you ask her out, you will probably have to think of something to do together! This may seem fairly obvious to you, but you may be so concerned about whether or not she’ll say yes or how you’ll ask her that you haven’t really thought about what will happen after you ask the big question. Though, in middle school, some guys just mean that they want to be girlfriend/boyfriend when they ask girls out, it’s nice to actually think of something to do together, so when she says yes, you can say, “Awesome! How about we…” Instead of just saying, “Awesome! Um…uh…I guess I’ll see you around then.” Here are some things you can ask her to do:
- Go to a school dance that’s coming up
- Go to see a movie that’s coming out
- Go to a concert
- Go to the mall together
- Let you walk her home after school
- Go to a birthday party together

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Asking Her Out

1
Get a bit of privacy. Make sure you get her alone enough that her friends aren't around giggling and teasing you guys, but that she’s not so isolated that she feels scared or unsafe. Pick a time and place like after school, by your lockers, during a small party, or even after a school dance. Try not to ask her before school because she’ll probably be thinking about what she has to get done that day and may be distracted. Also, don’t ask her before a big test or anything.
- Pick a time when she’s not likely to be stressed out or sad and check that she seems like she’s in a good mood when you approach her.
2
Exude confidence. Confidence is half the battle in any game, but also act a little nervous, show her that you like her. Though being Mr. Confident won’t help you much if she’s just not interested, it will help you ask your question as well as you can if she is interested.^{[4]
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Research source} You just have to keep your head high, put a smile on your face, and remember to breathe and to let your body relax. Even if you’re sweating bullets or feel your stomach clenching, you have to act like you’re totally cool with talking to her – and pretty soon, you’ll see that you’ve tricked yourself into feeling confident!
- You don’t have to act arrogant. Just act like you know you’re a cool guy and that any girl would have a great time dating you. Make sure that you don’t end up acting a little bit too different from your everyday self.
3
Make a bit of small talk. You probably don’t want to say, “Hey! Do you want to go out with me?” That will be just a bit too abrupt, even for the most direct girls out there. While you don’t want to dilly dally too long, give it a minute or two so both of you are feeling comfortable so that you feel ready to ask her out and that she feels ready to answer your questions. Just say hi, ask her how she is, and maybe think of one or two things to mention before you go in for the kill.
- If it’s really obvious that you’re going to ask her out and you’re just kind of looking at the floor and kicking imaginary dust balls, then it’s time to spit it out.
4
Ask her out. You don’t have to be elaborate about it. Just say, “I really like hanging out with you. Will you go out with me?” Or, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?” Keep it short and sweet and watch her face to see how she feels about it. You don’t need to list the twenty reasons why you love her or to convince her that you’d be Boyfriend of the Year. Just come up with a one or two sentence phrase that will let you easily ask her out. After that, all you can do is sit back and wait for an answer.
- Make eye contact when you ask her instead of looking away or at the floor. She’ll be impressed with your confidence.^{[5]
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5
React correctly. After you ask her out, she’ll have few options other than saying yes or no. So, if she says yes, give her a hug, smile big, and let her know that you’re excited to be going out with her without doing a happy dance. Make her see that you’re pumped to be going out with her and that you think she’s a cool girl. Now go ahead and suggest whatever plan you had up your sleeve – and the rest is history!
- If she doesn't want to go out with you, don’t despair.^{[6]
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  Research source} Thank her for talking to you and make a graceful exit. Don’t be mean to her, kick your locker, or come off looking like a wimp. Remember that you want her to think highly of you even if she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. And don’t ever forget that there are plenty of fish in the sea – especially in middle school!

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Other Ways to Ask Her Out

1
Ask her out at the dance. The school dance is a great place to ask the girl out. Just wait for a slow song, ask her to dance, and ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend at the end of the song. You’ll know from looking into her eyes while you’re dancing whether or not you have a chance. You can also use the dance as an excuse to ask her out, beforehand. Though this is more bold and puts the pressure on a bit, it gives you a great excuse to ask the girl out!
- The vibe at the dance is guaranteed to be a bit more romantic, say, than the vibe in your school cafeteria during lunch, so if you ask her out at the dance, there’s a better chance she’ll have romance on her mind. The downside: it may be next to impossible to get her away from her friends.
2
Write her a note. If you think you’re a Casanova when it comes to the written word, then write her a cute, short note that tells her that you like her and that you want her to be your girlfriend. This is a pleasant way to surprise her and to take off some of the pressure of having a real conversation; just make sure you know that she’ll get the note, whether you’re giving it to her during class or sticking it in her textbook or locker.
- Tell her to get back to you via note. Whatever happens, there’s nothing to be nervous about because she won’t have to be there to see your reaction!
3
Have your friends talk to her. This should be more of a last resort. If you really feel shy but want to ask the girl out and have a brave friend or two who have enough charisma to talk to the girl (without charming her too much, of course), then you can have one of your buddies go up to the girl and ask her if she wants to go out with you. Just make sure they know exactly what to say and that they don’t end up making you look like a wimp or misrepresent your intentions.
- If you really want a trusted friend to ask her out for you, then you may want to rehearse what he’s going to say. Yeah, this will feel ridiculous, but you’ll be grateful that you’ve prepped your friend for the big move!
4
Call her up. You can also ask the girl over the phone if you’re more of a phone guy. Call her up (hopefully you have her number already) and ask her if she wants to go out with you. For this move, it’s especially important to think of something that you can do together so you don’t just ask her out and then struggle to awkwardly get off the phone. You can also get her number from a friend of hers if she’s willing to give it out – after that, she’ll probably know what to expect when you call.
5
Give her a small thoughtful gift. If you’re already friends or know each other fairly well and you have an idea of what she might like, you can give her a nice but inexpensive piece of jewelry, a CD, a book, a nice notebook, or something that you think she’ll like without overwhelming her or making her uncomfortable by how nice it is. You can ask her out while giving her the gift, or even prepare a note asking her out within the gift so you can take some of the pressure off.
6
Write it in chalk. This maneuver is not for the faint of heart. If you really like her, write, “Will you go out with me, (her name here)?” outside in chalk and take her for a walk to show it to her. Yeah, it’ll be a little embarrassing if she says no, but imagine how cute it would be if she said yes to your chalk message!
7
Ask her out in food. Get her her favorite type of cookie or dessert and have someone write, “Will you go out with me?” on it in icing. This may sound cheesy, but if you’re able to pull it off, she’ll be impressed by your thoughtfulness and your creativity and won’t be able to resist you. Make sure you have a steady hand when you write your message and the rest will follow!

Warnings

Do not talk down about yourself; otherwise she may feel awkward, and likely say no. Be confident when you interact with her.

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If she says yes, don't kiss her or make too much contact immediately. This will creep her out.

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Whatever you do, don't ask her out over text. That looks bad and could really ruin her chances of saying yes. Talking to her face to face shows you really care and aren't just joking.

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If she says no, remember that there are a lot more girls that you will run into during your high school years.

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Try to avoid crying if she says no, say something like, "Oh well, I guess that was worth a shot. If you change your mind, tell me."

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If you spend too much time around her she may find you creepy and give you a worse chance of her saying yes. Spend time with friends, too.

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