How to Ask a Guy to Hang Out

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: August 30, 2022 References

Whether you want to make a new friend or go on a date with your crush, asking a guy to hang out can seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be stressful. Hanging out and meeting new guys is fun and lets you build social connections you wouldn’t have previously had. By planning a casual event and being confident as you ask him to hang out with you, you can easily get to know him better.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Asking a Guy on a Date

1
Find something you both enjoy doing. If you are already talking to the guy you want to hang out with, ask him about his interests. Use your knowledge about what he does for extracurriculars or as hobbies and incorporate them into your hangout.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- For example, if he likes sports, go bowling or play a recreational game if possible. If he likes books, hang out and learn together in a library or bookstore.
- Even if you aren’t fully interested in his hobbies, open your mind to new experiences. You may find you enjoy it more than you thought!
2
Ask him in person. Find a private time where you aren’t surrounded by other coworkers or students, and stay relaxed and confident as you approach him. Talking to him directly will show your interest in bonding with him and he will give you an immediate response to the offer.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Ask him after class, work, or when you run into one another.
Advertisement
3
Text him if you’re too nervous to do it in person. Send a message over text or through a messaging app. Ask him if he would be interested in hanging out with an open-ended question to gauge his interest, or send a message with a specific time and date so he can easily answer yes or no.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- You can also send a text message if you’re embarrassed to ask him while other people are around.
- Send him messages like “Do you want to go get a coffee sometime?” or “Would you like to come bowling with me this Saturday?” This will help him see that you’re interested in bonding with him.
4
Gauge his interest by asking an open-ended question. This will help you determine if he wants to hang out with you at some point in the future. If he says yes, make sure you follow through by asking him when he is free so you can work out the details.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Ask him questions like, “Would you like to get coffee sometime?” or use statements like, “We should get together outside of class/work soon.”
- You can add more specific details to your questions like, “Do you want to get lunch one of these weekends?” This adds more specificity and urgency while still leaving it open-ended. Keep in mind that if a meeting is scheduled in advance, it's usually considered a date and not a casual hang out.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
5
Tell him exactly what you want to do to make his decision easier. Be as detailed as possible while explaining the plans you want to do with him. Mention times and days you want to hang out so he can answer yes or no immediately.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Ask something like “Do you want to grab something to eat for dinner this Friday?” or “There’s a concert next Monday at 7. Do you want to come with me?”
- Lead the conversation with your plans. Asking a guy if he’s free on a specific day without mentioning what you plan on doing makes it hard for him to determine if he’s interested.
6
Don’t put pressure on him to say yes. Phrase your invitation in a casual way so he can make a yes or no decision without feeling guilty. Pressuring a guy into hanging out could come across as needy or desperate.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Don’t use phrases like, “It would mean the world to me if you came,” or “I’ll be sad if you say no.” Instead, use a confident tone that shows you care, but be understanding if he can’t make it.
7
Accept rejection if he says no. Listen carefully to the reason he says no so you understand what he’s going through. It may just be a busy time in his life. Don’t look sad in front of him or he may feel guilty about turning down your offer. Instead, tell him that you both could try another time to keep the option open.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- If you try multiple times to ask him to hang out and he says no, he may truly not be interested or be too busy and you should move on. If he wants to pursue hanging out again, let him initiate the conversation.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Hanging out as Friends

1
Use casual, non-flirty language while asking him to hang out.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} Don’t try to ask him to hang out in a cute way that may send the wrong message. Be direct with what you want to do while you hang out and don’t act desperate or needy since this could be read the wrong way.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Ask him something like “Do you want to come with me to get lunch?” or “Would you like to grab a coffee on Thursday?” This way he knows what you want to do and you’re not flirting with him.
2
Invite mutual friends if you don’t want to send the wrong message. If you want to stay casual, talk to a group of friends to do a large event. This will help you ease into hanging out together as friends. If he’s shy, he may be more open to hanging out with a group rather than have a one-on-one experience.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Use a group text or message to easily communicate with one another and figure out everyone’s schedule. Talk to the guy you want to hang out with in person as well as through the group chat.
- Have a night where you play board games or go out to dinner all together. This allows you to have fun and talk.
3
Do something casual in a public place. Look for coffee shops or public events taking place in your area using Facebook. If this is your first time hanging out with him, find a place where you’ll be able to hold a conversation and get to know each other better.
- Avoid seeing a movie since it’s not a place where you can talk.
- Check with your local museums to see if they offer free days or have any specials.
- Hanging out at your home may send the wrong message if you’re only looking to be friends.
4
Tell him that you don’t want it to be a date if he doesn’t get the hint. If the guy still thinks that he’s on a date, let him know in a polite way that won’t hurt his feelings. Be direct with him so he understands completely.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Use phrases like “I’m just looking to be friends” or “I’m not looking for anyone to date right now” so he doesn’t feel upset.

Conversation Help

Asking a Guy Friend to Hang Out Platonically

Asking a Guy You Like to Hang Out

Things to Do and Avoid when Asking a Guy to Hang Out

Expert Q&A
Did you know you can get expert answers for this article? Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow

Question

What are the best things to do on a first date?

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.

Candice Mostisser

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

If you've met someone and you've already hit it off, it's okay to plan a little more of a romantic date, like a nice dinner, because you've already established that baseline attraction. If you want something a little less committal, plan to go to a single location, and try going somewhere that gives you something to do. For instance, you might visit a tea shop where you can try different types of matcha together. If you've never met the person before, pick something lighthearted, easy, and no-stress, like having a drink at a bar or walking around a farmer's market. That way, if you meet someone and 5 minutes in you realize you're not vibing well, you can leave. You really don't want to be committed to a full date at that point.
Question

How do you become a cool person to hang out with?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

You should focus on becoming a better listener and storyteller. Be open about who you are and how you respond to life experiences — this will make the other person feel comfortable opening up about themselves as well.
Question

How do I tell my crush I like him when I think he doesn't like me?

Community Answer

Be prepared for rejection. If you aren't sure that he will like you back, be ready in case he potentially says no.