How to Avoid Being Pressured Into Sex

Remember that you have a right to say no.^[1] Your body belongs to you alone. You are in control of how it is treated, and if you decide you don't want to have sex with someone, you have the full right to say no. Sex is a very intimate act, and if you decide not to go through with it, stand up for what you feel is right for your body.

• Do not be afraid of rejection. It can be tempting to believe someone who is trying to get sex from you, that "they will never love you again" or "they will never talk to you again." This is manipulation and control, and no one should have to be subjected to it.
• Someone who would treat you this way does not deserve to be close to you anyway. No one who truly cares about you should ever pressure you like this.
• When you stand up for your right to say no, you are demanding to be respected. It is harder to take advantage of someone when they are demanding respect.

Understand the definition of rape. Rape can occur on the street and at parties, but it can also occur inside a relationship. The definition of rape is "having sex with an individual without his or her consent." Simply put, if you are forced to have sex when you don't want to, you have been raped.

• Reflect on whether or not physical force was used. If physical force of any kind was used to get you to have sex, then it is considered rape.
• Don’t disregard the possibility that you were raped because there was no physical violence. For example, you may have had sex with someone because you were fearful about what the person might have done if you said no. Or, you might have had sex while under the influence of a powerful drug and not even remember what happened. These situations are still considered rape.
• Consider the ages of both parties. If an adult has sex with someone under the age of consent, then it is still rape because the person under the age of consent does not have the legal right to consent to sex. For example, if a 15 year old has sex with a 21 year old, then the 21 year old would be guilty of rape.

Realize the way you should be treated. Basic human rights include the right to equality, the right to life, and the right to freedom from torture and degrading treatment.^[2] Someone's treatment of you should at least include these basic rights.

• Other basic human rights include a right to liberty and personal security. If someone is pressuring you to have sex when you don't want it, this threatens both.
• Sexual coercion is also rape. If someone is coercing you, or pushing you to have sex by using force or threats, this violates your basic human rights.
• You also have the right to not tolerate rape culture, which is when the severity of sexual violence is downplayed and even framed as acceptable. This can take many forms including sexually explicit jokes, glamorous depictions of violence against women, objectification of the female body, and blaming victims of rape for what happened to them.^[3]

Recognize common pressure tactics. You need to be able to tell when someone is attempting to pressure you into sex so that you can act. Some tactics can appeal to your insecurities and make you feel bad about yourself, such as by putting you down or using guilt to coerce you into sex. Other tactics may include the use of physical pressure, such as by restraining you in some way, or by changing your state of mind with drugs or alcohol. Common phrases you might hear include:

• "I can't help myself"
• "You shouldn't have worn that outfit"
• "This is the way I can show you my love"
• "I won't love you anymore if you don't let me"
• “Everyone is doing it!”
• “We have had sex already, so you can’t say no now.”

Be safe at parties or at bars. You are not to blame if you get raped, even if you are drunk or high. However, some people may use alcohol and drugs to take advantage of you.^[4] To protect yourself from people who might try to take advantage of you, don’t alter your state of mind around people you don't know well or trust. If you go out with friends, you can increase your safety by:

• Always going out with friends. Do not go to parties or bars by yourself.
• Pouring your own drinks (or watching them being poured).
• Never leaving your drink unattended.
• Not accepting drinks from strangers.
• Limiting yourself to only a few drinks.
• Having a trusted friend take you home if you start to get too drunk. Do not allow someone you just met to walk you home, even if he or she seems like a nice person.