How to Be Friends with Your Coworkers

Co-authored by Lauren Krasny

Last Updated: February 4, 2023 References

Studies prove that people who have friends at work are more satisfied with their jobs and more engaged in the workplace. Aside from the benefits gained for your employer, having good friends at work offers you social support, encouragement through difficult times, and makes going to work more fun. If you’d like to foster friendships with your coworkers, you can do so by being approachable, exhibiting the key traits of a good friend, and suggesting activities to build a connection.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being Approachable

1
Be mindful of the work culture. Before approaching and initiating a friendship opportunity with a coworker, be sure to take note of the overall office culture. Each company has it’s own culture with varying atmospheres, attitudes, beliefs, values, morals, and other attributes. How are all of these shared between the team members and how do they communicate between one another? Observing this will help you identify the most acceptable way to mingle with coworkers.
- Be extra careful with how you interact with coworkers of a different status; appropriate conversation may be more restricted in this circumstance.
2
Greet them each day. The first step to making a friend anywhere is to say “hello.” It would be quite challenging to befriend someone you’ve never actually spoken to. Whether you’re interested in one friend in particular or the group as a whole, start by greeting your coworkers with a warm smile each day.^{[1]
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- You might simply say, “Morning!” when you enter the office. Or, address one coworker specifically, like “Good morning, Rosa! How was your commute?”
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3
Make yourself available. Typically, the aura you give off at work lets your coworkers know whether you are open to socializing. If you enter the office without speaking, go straight to your cubicle and remain there for the rest of the day, you’ll have trouble connecting with your coworkers.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Lauren Krasny
Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
Expert Interview. 27 March 2020.}
- Instead, try some tips to show them you’re open and willing to connect. If you have an office, leave your door open unless it’s necessary to close it. Eat lunch in the common room rather than sitting at your cubicle or going outside alone.
4
Be attentive. When engaged in conversation with a coworker, focus on making them feel like they are the most important person in the room. If you do this, they will be encouraged to chat with you in the future.
- For instance, don’t glance down at your watch or turn your body towards the exit. Make eye contact, use open body language (i.e. unfolded arms and legs), and actively listen.
5
Act interested by asking open-ended questions. Here’s a secret: people love to talk about themselves. You’ll likely win over your coworkers more easily if you act interested in them. Take advantage of natural breaks in your workday to get to know your coworkers better.
- Use open ended-questions that get the conversation flowing. These might sound like “I heard you mention hockey. What got you interested in the sport?” or “You sure look content this Monday, Donna! How’d you spend your weekend?”^{[3]
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6
Resist being rude when you're caught up in work. If you are cordial at work, others will likely gravitate to you. This doesn’t mean dismissing your work responsibilities for the sake of making friends. It means not being so caught up in getting ahead that you shut out opportunities to connect.^{[4]
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- For instance, your coworker knocks on your door and invite you to after-work drinks. Without glancing away from your computer, you say, “I don’t have time. I’ve got to meet this deadline.” Responding this way may come off as rude and unapproachable—your coworker may not extend an invitation in the future.
- Even if you can’t join in, you might make eye contact, offer an encouraging smile, and say, “Oh, thanks for the invite, Sam. Sadly, I’m struggling to meet a deadline. But once I get this project complete, I’d love to take you up on that offer.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Friendly

1
Show empathy. Empathy is important for all relationships because it helps you built trust and rapport with others. A lack of empathy can make you seem brusque and unfriendly. What’s more, being indifferent to others’ emotional experiences can lead to alienation in the workplace.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Lauren Krasny
Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
Expert Interview. 27 March 2020.}
- Demonstrate empathy in your work relationships by paying more attention to the social cues of the environment. You shouldn’t be so caught up in work that you fail to notice your office-mate is crying or has been absent for a week.
- When you notice another’s emotions, speak on it. You might say, “You seem upset, Josie. Is there something I can do?” Or, call or email your absentee colleague and say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been out of work for the past few days. Is everything okay? Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
2
Remember what’s important to them. Good friends recall the key details of their friends’ lives. To demonstrate your interest and show that you can be a good friend, try to do the same for your coworkers. This shows you’re paying attention and actually makes the two of you feel more connected.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- If you’re friends on Facebook and know their birthday is coming up, purchase a cupcake or decorate their cubicle for their special day.
- If they have kids, try to remember their names and ask about them regularly.
- If you go to coffee regularly with a coworker, you might ask, “Non-fat latte and cinnamon scone, again, Tracie?”
3
Lend a hand. Being helpful is a great quality to have in a friend. If you spot a coworker in a bind, reach out and offer some assistance. They’ll feel like you care. And, you’ll have an opportunity to spend more time with this person and get to know them better.^{[7]
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- Determine what level of helping best suits your relationship with the person and your office culture. For instance, if your office discourages helping a coworker outside your department, avoid doing so. But, you can still lend a hand if the same person needs help carrying materials to a conference room or if they have trouble setting up the equipment.
4
Ask for help or advice. Close relationships are grounded in vulnerability. A person is likely to feel more emotionally connected to you if you show off your vulnerable side. You can do this by requesting their assistance on a work-related matter.^{[8]
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- You might defer to their expertise on a project like, “Charlie, I know you coordinated the conference last year and you did an awesome job. I’m having a tough time corralling up vendors. Do you have any pointers to help me move this along?
- People naturally feel good about helping others. So, asking for help or advice works favorably for both parties.
5
Avoid engaging in office gossip. If you’re wanting healthy friendships with people in the workplace, it’s best to avoid any form of office gossip. While the smallest gossip chatter may seem harmless and innocent, it can easily spiral out of proportion. It is best to stay out of any gossip you overhear and avoid making any judgments.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Engaging in Activities Together

1
Participate in work events. Most companies sponsor a variety of events throughout the year that allow their employees to network and forge bonds with one another. Rather than flaking on these events, try to attend a few and connect with your coworkers outside the office.^{[9]
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- Examples might include hosting a charity event, participating in a 5k or joining the company baseball team.
2
Start an office book club. During office-hours, there’s not always adequate time to engage with your coworkers and tease out their interests. A workplace group activity such as a book club can be a terrific platform to forge deeper relationships and figure out what you have in common with one another.^{[10]
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- Put up a memo or send out an email asking who’s interested in participating in a book club. You and your coworkers can vote on the genre and specific books for each month. Then, meet up over coffee or drinks to discuss the book.
- What’s more, if you select business or personal development books, your boss will likely appreciate your willingness to enhance your skills while promoting workplace bonding.
3
Schedule regular lunch dates. People naturally bond over meals, so take advantage of the lunch hour to foster potential friendships. Plus, eating together can make you more productive after the lunch hour and serve as a wonderful way to network.^{[11]
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- You might simply join the group in the office break room or suggest a new restaurant you all can try. For instance, you might say, “I have been dying to try the new deli on the corner. Anyone game to go with me tomorrow for lunch?”
4
Invite them somewhere based on their interests. You don’t have to stick to company events or lunch hour if you’re trying to connect with your coworkers. Listen to their common interests and use what you hear to pursue deeper relationships with one or two people.^{[12]
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- For instance, if you spotted John reading a poetry book last week, you might casually say, “John, there’s a poetry grand slam happening at a coffee shop next Friday. I know you love poetry. Do you want to go?”
- Or, you might invite several people to an activity at once, such a new movie premiere or a community charity event.

Expert Q&A

Question

Can you be friends with your coworkers?

Lauren Krasny
Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
Lauren Krasny is a Leadership and Executive Coach and the Founder of Reignite Coaching, her professional and personal coaching service based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She also currently coaches for the LEAD Program at Stanford University Graduate School of Business and is a former Digital Health Coach for Omada Health and Modern Health. Lauren received her coaching training from the Coach Training Institute (CTI). She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Michigan.

Lauren Krasny

Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach

Expert Answer

Sure! In fact, it's probably healthy to have a few friends at work that you can rely on when you're struggling. Still, it's a good idea to not over-share and maintain a professional balance when you're on the clock together.