How to Be Single

Co-authored by Amy Chan and Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

When you're single, you might get faced with a lot of questions like, "When are you going to settle down?" or "Have you met anyone special lately?" Despite any pressure you might feel from family and friends to get coupled up, though, being single can actually be really awesome. It's the perfect chance to make yourself your own top priority, and you'll have more time to spend doing the things you really enjoy.

Question 1 of 6:

How do I accept being single?

1
Focus on self-care. At first, being single might not seem like much fun, but it's actually a really good chance to get to know yourself and to take responsibility for your own well-being. Take good care of your mind and body—start with basics like exercising, following a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep. Then, care for yourself by building on that, like finding stress-relief techniques that work for you, setting healthy boundaries with the people in your life, or learning habits for keeping your space tidy.^{[1]
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- It's fine to get out and enjoy spending time with other people—you should do that! But be sure to leave a little time for yourself, too.^{[2]
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- Immediately after a breakup, self-care and self-compassion should be a big focus.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Amy Chan
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.}
2
Pursue your own interests. Do some soul-searching to discover what it is you really like about yourself, and what your unique likes and dislikes are.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.}^{[5]
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Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.} Then, make a serious effort to include things you really like in your everyday life. That might mean diving into a new hobby, finding music you really love, curating your wardrobe to reflect your sense of style—whatever it is that you think you'd really enjoy.^{[6]
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- Not only will this help you be happier when you're single, but it will also help you feel more confident in your future relationships—both romantic and otherwise!

Question 2 of 6:

How can I be single and not lonely?

1
Spend plenty of time with your family and friends. Being single doesn't mean you have to spend a lot of time by yourself. In fact, it's easier to get together with your friends when you're single! Plan day trips with your besties, meet up with your work buddies after your shift, or have movie marathons with your old friends from college—the world is yours!^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
2
Hang out in places where you'll meet people. Don't just rely on old friends—get out there and make some new friends, too! When you get involved in activities and hobbies you really enjoy, you'll automatically have at least one shared interest with the people you meet while you're doing it.
- If you go to an art exhibit you're really excited about, for instance, you can strike up a conversation with someone who seems really into some of the same paintings you like.
- If you're spiritual, you might make friends at a local church or temple.
- Volunteering can be a great way to meet other people while you're making a positive impact on your community.

Question 3 of 6:

How can I live my best single life?

1
Enjoy the freedom to make your own choices. When you're single, you'll have more opportunities to dive into your favorite hobbies, make time for self-care, and spend time with your friends. Think of it like dating yourself—how can you treat yourself to the things that will really make you happy?^{[8]
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Research source}^{[9]
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Expert Source

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.}^{[10]
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Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.}
- Even little things can have a big impact on your overall wellbeing—take advantage of the chance to have cereal for dinner, fall asleep with the TV on, or listen to your favorite songs at full volume in the car!
- You can also choose how to spend your money, travel where and when you want, and accept those impromptu invitations from your friends.^{[11]
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2
Go after your goals. Being in a relationship takes a lot of time and effort—and sometimes that can come at the expense of doing some of the things you'd really like to do. When you're single, you don't have that to worry about. Ask yourself what you've always wanted to do, then start taking the steps to make that dream a reality!^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- For example, if you'd really love to get into filmmaking, get up early one Saturday and head to the park with a video camera—there's no need to worry about whether someone else has made plans.
- Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up on your goals, but it does mean you have someone else to consider before you make a big leap, like leaving your job to pursue a dream opportunity.^{[13]
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3
Learn new skills to become more self-reliant. If you haven't been single for long, you might be used to relying on someone else for some of the day-to-day tasks in your life, like mowing the lawn, cooking meals, or paying bills. When you're single, it's up to do these things on your own. Don't be intimidated, though—it's actually really empowering to learn to take care of things you haven't been able to do before!^{[14]
X
Expert Source

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.}
- If you feel overwhelmed or you don't know how to do something, reach out to a family, friend, or neighbor for help.

Question 4 of 6:

Are people happier when they're in relationships?

Not necessarily—a lot of single people are perfectly happy. That's because when you're single, you have more opportunities to focus what you want out of life, you're more self-sufficient, and you might even become more confident.^{[15]
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Research source} Also, it can sometimes be tempting to idealize other people's relationships—but people who are coupled up might have to deal with more emotional stress than people who are single.^{[16]
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- Keep your eye on the future—you might be even happier with your single status as you get older.^{[17]
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- While there are some studies that suggest that people who are married are happier, this seems to work both ways—if you're already happy with yourself, you're more likely to end up in happier relationships!^{[18]
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- If you do decide to look for a relationship, take the time to really get to know the people you meet. If you notice red flags—like the person is quick to anger or tries to convince you to change—take a step back and re-evaluate.^{[19]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}

Question 5 of 6:

Is it healthy to be single?

You might actually be healthier when you're single. People who are single tend to be more active than people who are married, so don't be surprised if you find yourself getting up and moving around more! In fact, some studies find that single people take fewer sick days from work, so you might just find yourself enjoying better health in general.^{[20]
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- You might have less overall stress when you're single, too!

Question 6 of 6:

Is it OK to be single forever?

Absolutely, if that's what you want. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to be in a relationship to be happy in life. In fact, it's better to commit to being single until (and unless) you meet someone who changes your mind. And if that isn't in the cards for you, that's totally fine. Enjoy your life and the freedom that comes with being single!^{[21]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- There can sometimes be a lot of pressure from society for people to "settle down" and get married, but being single is pretty common, so don't let it get to you!

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it okay to start dating someone else right away?

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach and the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of individuals in just five years of operation, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. She has published a book on her work, Breakup Bootcamp.

Amy Chan

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Not if you are dating to distract yourself from the pain of a breakup. Instead, start dating again when your main goal is to create connections.
Question

Is it better to stay single?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Being single is great in the sense that it gives you time to strengthen your understanding of yourself. It gives you space to explore your interests and passions. However, that doesn't mean that it's necessarily better to be single than in a relationship. It's just different.
Question

Should I stay single if I really like someone?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Don't be afraid of the deep longing and desire for a relationship. If that's what you really want, pursue a relationship! Don't put too many restrictions on yourself by forcing yourself to stay single if that really isn't for you right now.