How to Be Sociable

Be less critical. Some of the people who call themselves "antisocial," tend to constantly criticize both themselves and those around them.^[1] They avoid social interaction because they are on the one hand afraid of being judged by others, and on the other hand (ironically) themselves extremely judgmental toward others. In order to become a more social person, it is important to accept that everybody, no matter how they may seem on the outside, has both positive and negative qualities. What separates the confident people from the insecure people is the attitude that they have toward themselves and the active focus in living a fulfilling social life.^[2] Confident, social people tend to focus on the positive qualities of themselves and those around them, whereas unconfident, antisocial people focus on their own shortcomings and the shortcomings of the people they know.^[3]

• Make a list of your own positive qualities. Be sure to include both internal (intellectual, emotional) and external (physical) qualities. Get in the habit of reminding yourself of these positive qualities on a daily basis, and counter each negative thought you have toward yourself with two positive ones.
• Stop referring to yourself as shy, timid, or antisocial. The more you use these words to label yourself, the more you will reinforce the idea that you are incapable of social interaction! If the idea frightens you, remember that your perception by others depends not on them but on you. If you want to become a more social person, you have to start by actually believing that you are and can be a social person. Remind yourself that being sociable is a choice, not a predisposition.
• Accept that human nature is good. While there are plenty of bad people out there, it is important to accept that humans can be loving, kind, and accepting creatures. Believing this will make you look forward to meeting new people rather than avoiding it.

Don't over-analyze your interactions. Over-thinking is usually what prevents people from enjoying social interaction. While it may seem difficult, it is important to break the habits of anticipating what social interactions will be like before they happen, and of over-analyzing them once they are over.^[4]

• Rather than focusing on what may go wrong or how you may embarrass yourself, approach every new social interaction with a clean slate and a positive attitude.
• When reflecting on past interactions, focus on the positive things rather than the negative ones. Even if it wasn't the most eventful or exciting interaction of your life, try to identify one good experience from each interaction you have, even if it is as simple as having been able to make somebody laugh.

Realize that you're not that big of a deal. Interestingly, shy people who feel invisible and unwanted also tend to feel like they are constantly under a spotlight, being watched and criticized by others. This strange paradox of shyness is what prevents people from feeling comfortable being themselves in front of others. This doesn't mean that you should feel like an unimportant person, but rather, that you should acknowledge that you are your own worst critic; other people are simply too busy to constantly judge and criticize you.

• Remember that people are so caught up in their own lives and interactions that they have little time to notice if you embarrass yourself, say something stupid, or don't look your best. Even if they do notice, it is very unlikely that they will care very much, as they have their own issues to deal with.
• Recognize that everybody, to some extent or another, feels exactly the same way you do. Even the most social people still feel insecure and worry about embarrassing themselves; the only difference is that they choose to take the risk and enjoy themselves rather than worrying about how others will react.