How to Look Confident at Social Gatherings

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: December 29, 2022 References

At one time or another, all of us have felt nervous about attending a social gathering. If you're not a naturally confident person, it can feel especially intimidating. But that doesn't mean you can't learn how to enjoy social situations. Follow these steps for appearing confident whether you feel like it or not.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Having Confident Body Language

1
Stand up tall.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} Probably the easiest way to look confident is to have a confident demeanor. If you are slouched over, no one will believe in you. Making yourself tall communicates victory, like you just won a competition.
- Body language (nonverbal communication) makes up 60% to 93% of how others perceive you.^{[2]
  X
  Research source}.
- Maintain good posture in both seated and standing positions.
2
Take up space. The more space your body takes up, the more confidence you appear to have. To take up space, do things like roll your shoulders back, keep your head held high, and place your hands on your hips.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Gesture when you speak. Not only will moving your hands with your speech make you take up more space, it will make you seem like you feel convicted about what you are saying—meaning you look confident.
Advertisement
3
Look people in the eye.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} No matter if you are meeting for the first time or meeting up with old friends, keeping steady eye contact makes others think you are confident. Less confident people tend to look away frequently.
- Less confident people look away because eye contact makes us feel like we are under scrutiny, thus being judged and possibly rejected. Resist the urge to look away even if you don't feel confident.
4
Shake hands. Offering your hand before the person you're meeting does displays a show of confidence. It shows you are not afraid to meet new people, encouraging others to have confidence in you.
- Don't hold the other person's hand too firmly nor too limply. Shake the hand for two or three seconds before releasing.^{[5]
  X
  Research source}
- Accompany your handshake with eye contact and a smile.^{[6]
  X
  Research source}
5
Move slowly. Both moving about a room and speaking slowly allow you time to think about what you're doing or going to say. This purposeful movement makes people think of you in terms of power, like a lion might look.
- Don't jump or startle easily. This behavior mimics animals like cockroaches instead of lions, repelling others.^{[7]
  X
  Research source}
6
Face people when you talk to them. Called “fronting,” this stance of facing your torso and toes toward a person is a sign of respect.^{[8]
X
Research source} You also look focused and like you've got it together.
- Make sure to maintain this stance throughout a full conversation.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Having a Confident Mindset

1
Believe you are capable. Some people define confidence as a “quiet inner knowledge that you are capable.”^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source
TeensHealth
Website run by Nemours, a nonprofit children's healthcare system, for the purpose of providing teens and young adults with specific health resources
Go to source} Believing you can do things without help assists you in looking like you are confident, just as it helps you actually feel confident.
- Believing you are capable helps you feel secure in your identity and ready to face challenges like going to a social gathering.
2
Give yourself a pep talk. It you're headed to a social gathering and you feel nervous about what people will think of you, give yourself an inner pep talk before heading out the door. This can boost your confidence enough to get to the party and start talking before you feel insecure again.
- Recall compliments you have received recently, whether on your clothes, hair, or abilities. Repeat these compliments to yourself out lout.^{[10]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  TeensHealth
  Website run by Nemours, a nonprofit children's healthcare system, for the purpose of providing teens and young adults with specific health resources
  Go to source}
- Look in the mirror before you leave your home and give your personal pep talk out loud.
3
Look at an invitation as a good thing. If all you think about is not wanting to be there, you will make it more uncomfortable for yourself. Think about the positives of social gatherings.
- Think about the possibility of making a new friend or meeting your soul mate.
- If you like learning new things, think about what you might learn from the different conversations you'll have.
- Consider how at most gatherings, you're getting the opportunity to have free food and drinks.
4
Feel good about the way you look. Dress and groom yourself to appear confident. Studies show that women who dress up tend to feel better.^{[11]
X
Research source} And if you feel good about the way you look, it will be easy to appear confident.
- Women who are depressed tend to look like it—wearing baggy pants and shirts. Women who feel good about themselves wear a favorite outfit.^{[12]
  X
  Research source} Even if you are depressed, dress in your favorite clothes in order to look confident.
- If you're a woman, wear clothes that compliment your figure and that form a pleasing outfit, as well as tasteful makeup and hair. Men, trim your facial hair, bathe, and wear clothes that make you look polished.
- Don't forget to smell good.
5
Calm down if you feel nervous. If you get nervous in social situations, you should develop some on-the-go coping techniques you can employ while you're at social gatherings, such as breathing exercises and thinking of happy things. Slowing your breathing triggers the brain to calm down, and thus all organs in the body (including your flight or fight response).
- There are many breathing exercises you could employ. One you could do is simply breathe through your nose, because this creates resistance. Another is to breathe five times in a minute by breathing in five seconds and breathing out five seconds.
- For general anti-stress relaxation techniques in your daily life, set aside 10 to 20 minutes a day to practice. Relaxation techniques are effective differently for every personality, but generally you can do things like meditation, yoga, even running.^{[13]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
6
Make your hands in the shape of a steeple. If you're in the middle of a social gathering and you start to lose your feelings of confidence, one trick is to press your fingertips on one hand against the fingertips of the other in a the shape of a steeple.
- This action sends a signal to others that you are confident, and it reminds you, too.^{[14]
  X
  Research source}

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Maintaining Confident Interactions

1
Speak slowly and with confidence. Slowing down, as mentioned in the part above, is good for speech because it allows you to think about what you are going to say as well as making you appear relaxed.
- You also appear to be in command of yourself when you speak slowly.
2
Say the other person's name. Saying the other person's name frequently makes you seem more likeable, since we all like to hear our own names.
3
Speak statements without a question inflection. Ending sentences that aren't questions as thought they are—especially when introducing yourself—places the idea of a question in the other person's mind, making them doubt your confidence.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- When answering questions, avoid the question inflection as well, opting for a firm, even tone.
4
Stand up for what you believe in. If you have an issue that you feel passionate about, try to bring the conversation around to that topic. When you stand up for or speak passionately about something you believe in, this inspires confidence in others.
- If you choose not to bring a conversation around to your soapbox, at least listen for someone bashing an issue you care about and confront them politely.
5
Talk to many different people.^{[16]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} This will make you feel connected, and each smooth conversation you have will make you feel more comfortable. The more you know about people, the more you will feel confident.
- The more people get to know you, the more they might take you in as part of their group. Feeling included is a big boost to your confidence.

Expert Q&A
Did you know you can get expert answers for this article? Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow

Question

How can I be confident at a party?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try making eye contact with others and interact with a bunch of people. Just hold some casual conversations so get used to talking to them.
Question

I have recently moved to a new town and don't know anyone. What can I do to seem interesting and appealing within a group of people around my age during a casual get-together?

Community Answer

Be yourself. It also helps to offer up something semi-personal about yourself. It helps others to know who you are, and then they may be willing to share something as well. Try talking about a popular show you watch, or a movie that just came out.